Am I being inappropriate ?

[Pennypestcontrol]

We’re going through a difficult time with our DD. She’s going through a separation with her DH (currently 2 weeks). It’s been tough for all of us (family) but obviously for the two of them.
She was the instigator and had been unhappy for a couple of years (she confided a bit, but I don’t think I gave the ‘right’ response at those times). We have a DGC and it’s true my fear of what effect it would have on them as they grow up, probably coloured my reactions. But on the other hand who wants their DD to spend the rest of their life unhappily married ?DSIL isn’t perfect and if I’m honest I wasn’t sure it was going to be a good match but he is kind and he loved her so much.
Anyway, I’m trying to stay neutral and be there for both of them but today my DD tells me it’s inappropriate. I’m already struggling, it’s scary, it hurts like hell and I’ve got a wonderful DGC who is going to have a mummy and daddy living separate lives.
I’m not going to judge either of them.
They’re human, they are in different places in their lives and I don’t have the answers but I do know I’ve got to be there for my DGC.
But am I being inappropriate by supporting him too ?

My DP's mum was like that. Despite DP having been subject to a decade of violent abuse by ex. MIL just said that "she didn't want to take sides".

I don't think that the Op is suggesting that she has a cosy relationship with her Son in law, however this is a very difficult set of circumstances to navigate.

I have always been supportive of my DS ( not agreed particularly with some of his decisions) but then I haven't lived in his marriage so can't judge. I love my former DIL and despite her moving away have kept in touch with her and have visited if I've been in the area.
The Op is in a difficult position there are three people to consider here and I agree that the GC is the most important for now. I would agree that she has to be supportive to her DD but a lot of the time ( as I found) it is just being a presence while they cry/rant/whatever and being sympathetic to their pain at a difficult time.
As hard as it is the Op is doing the right thing for now by not taking sides in the future information may emerge that may make her change her mind. OP your daughter is hurting, be there for her with tea and sympathy and just play it by ear. Try not to, for now, be over familiar with your Son in law, but do not alienate him either. Your DD needs a hug right now, but my main advice is for now play it by ear, it is a difficult situation but all three of them need some level of support by those around them so just be mindful of this, and look after yourself too, as it .use have been a shock for you as well. Good luck, I know how hard it is!

I hope she has learned from the clear consensus here oooooohhhhh Mumsnet has spoken.