Emotionally immature DP

[PrinceCharlesFoutainPen]

My DP is 43 and can at times be very emotionally immature - rarely says sorry, expects certain behaviour for others but doesn't always behave that way himself, poor communication skills - often shuts down physically and emotionally when stressed etc. He has got better over the years and the emotionally immature behaviour is probably once every six months or so, sometimes even longer periods. Apart from this childishness, he's a nice person - funny, attentive, supportive (providing he's not stressed) and we have a normal relationship.

Anyway, he's clearly been stressed at work recently as I can see the signs and I've been giving him a bit of space and leaving him to it, as he gets irritated if I ask him what's wrong and denies there is anything. Last night I got back late and teen DD has a virus. I mentioned that quite a few kids I teach are off with a similar one. He said well it's probably because she went out without a coat, to which i responded that's not how you get a virus, she will have caught it as it's going round. He is from another country and people seem to believe that you can get a virus by walking with bare feet, or going out without a coat (even if that was true, which it isn't its 23 degrees at night where we live). Anyway, he was being a bit patronising, although he was obviously wrong, so I said if he doesn't believe me, then look it up on the internet as there's no point in arguing about it. He huffed off, was in a foul mood and came to bed the same.

I said there's no point in arguing and having a bad atmosphere over nothing and apparently I don't respect his opinions (😮 - it's a fact not an opinion; but anyway...) and told me to never speak to him in his life again and went on to block me, while next to me in bed, on WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram.

I'm honestly a bit exhausted by the level of childishness. That just isn't normal behaviour. There are no other problems in our relationship, we had a lovely weekend together and this came out of nowhere because when he's in a bad mood you can say the smallest thing and it sets him off. He'll go back to normal over the next few days and there will be no apology for his complete overreaction. I know I could have probably said nothing, but I don't want DD growing up being told that you're going to get sick if you don't dry wet hair, walk around without socks or wear a coat in 23 degree weather fgs.

He sounds incredibly hard work and very childish. Who blocks people they live with on social media?!

Of course you can get sick from going out without a coat or walking around in bare feet.
If its cold enough. Even if its warm, if there's a good breeze you can catch a chill.

Sickest I've ever been was when I caught a flu from walking home bare footed in winter after a night out clubbing.

Also, if you're immune system is healthy because you sleep lots, wrap wrap warm and take care of your body, you're far less likely to get sick.

So OK he responded childishly but so would I if my partner told me my opinions were 'wrong'. Especially if they were pretty obvious facts.

Like, have you form for undermining him like that? I can see why he is mad.

That being said he hasn't handled it well.

But you were wrong on this occasion.

Is this a wind-up? This isn’t the way viruses work. I thought covid might’ve taught us all how viruses spread or don’t spread. Being cold isn’t a transmission route. 🙄

OP was right. She was stating universally recognised scientific fact. And discouraging her DP from spouting old wives tales to her DD.

Right so according to you guys, chills don't exist then? You've never got a slight chill from going out with your hair damp and it's turned into a cold?

The human body is fighting viruses off lots of the time that never come to anything. But if you don't take care of your body, you're more likely to catch them because your immune system is weak.

Funny isn't it that I've had the cold twice in the past 10 years and both times it was because I got cold and wet.

(Either that or it's a startling coincidence don't you think).

I hope you told him to bloody grow up.

A cold is caused by a virus
And flu is caused by the influenza virus

You cannot catch a virus by being cold! Honest to christ then everyone living where I live would be sick constantly or anyone who goes see swimming in the UK would be constantly sick but they aren't. You can't be serious that this is how you think people get sick and virus spread?

I have no idea what you mean by catch a chill either do you mean a cold a flu a virus -what? It's a completely debunked old wives tail. Is this a joke or sarcasm apologies if it is, sometimes it's hard to tell.

So he is stupid and emotionally immature? Not a lot going for him really, I'd feel uncomfortable having a sexual relationship with a man that daft and ridiculous.

If you genuinely don't think not taking care of your body cant make you ill then really we've nothing else left to say to one another.

Startling coincidence?! Not from 2 colds no.

Causation does not equal correlation. But the way our human brain is wired to recognise pattern makes it difficult to avoid such thinking, which is why scientific method was introduced

Oh right so you were being serious...... wow

Yes it's completely coincidental that you caught viruses when you happened to be wet/cold. It's not funny or curious or has any scientific fact behind it, its literally you convincing yourself of something that is not true.

Correlation does not equal causation I mean..! Obviously I am unable to MN and make a cup of tea simultaneously :)

I think the bigger issue is that the two of you can't seem to discuss a relatively minor thing without it devolving into an argument.

You seem to be quite contemptuous of your DH. Do you believe (or in fact, are you) better educated or more intelligent than he is? Do you think you're more mature?

I think it's a real shame that your determination to be right about the origins of your DD's virus trumped the both of your ability to let things slide, comrpomise, and not fall out over trivia.

Is it always like this for you guys OP?

Gaslight much?

It couldn't possibly be because I was soaked and freezing both times. Feet the first time. Hair the second. Was pretty obvious why I was ill.

I'm not denying the existence of viruses xD I'm saying people tend to fight them off without symptom. Apart from when their body has other things to contend with.

It's known that colds take hold better when the inside of the nose is cold for example. If you're being all scientific about it.

You shouldn't dismiss old wives tales. Often they have some merit to them.

I'm going to ignore the crazy sidetrack and say that the immaturity of BLOCKING you on all social media and telling you never to speak to him again .... while he's lying in bed next to you is mind blowing.

So what happens next? He just carries on and then unblocks you and you all pretend it hasn't happened? I mean, this is the kind of manipulative and controlling behaviour we see from some men but it's unusual to be just once every 6 months (unless, it's being going on for SOOO long that actually, you only "misbehave" once every six months and therefore he doesn't need to punish you that often.")

Both DH and I have at some point or another did or said something in the heat of the moment that was not okay and was childish or petty at the beginning of our relationship. It happens ONCE. Why? Becuase when things calm down the other person clearly articulates that this isn't okay (even though the person in the wrong probably already figured that out).

I don' understand how this has even got to this point.

OP I have to say I'm shocked theres posters on here who seem to think you should've sat by and not corrected your husband- you are right he was talking utter nonsense and yes you should point it out to him. That's how we grow and learn as individuals and communities and rely on scientific facts not heresy and old wives tales.

I think its horrendous how he has treated you though, can he never accept criticism or be told he's wrong? I find it a bit weird an adult in 2023 genuinely believes that viruses would have greater affinity for people not wearing shoes- yes you should correct him about this. Imagine your daughter repeating that?!

Moving on though I wouldn't let this slip because its extremely manipulative and controlling and it's like him saying you can't correct him even about a widely accepted fact- what does he expect you to do just play along when you know he's wrong?

So, you genuinely think you caught the flu because you walked home in the cold, and not because you'd been surrounded by loads people in a nightclub?

😂😂😂

No. I know.

I went out twice a week every week back then (uni years) Never got sick. One time I did it was because I nearly froze half to death on that walk home. So yes. I got sick because I got cold. I got very sick. As in, nearly died with the flu sick.

Second time I was in a job that required me to stand outside greeting customers. It was freezing. I got caught in a shower. I knew I was going to be in big trouble if I didn't warm up fast. Luckily my workplace had a hairdryer. But next day - bad cold. Very bad cold.

Both times absolutely due to cold. But then, hypothermia can put you more at risk of catching flu and colds so makes perfect sense.

But anything like not sleeping well, bad eating habits ect...can make you more susceptible to illness. I don't understand where you're struggling with that. If you don't take care of yourself, you can get sick.

Yes you can:

https://www.bupa.co.uk/newsroom/ourviews/cold-weather-illness

You don't want your DD to grow up thinking you can catch a virus from walking about with wet hair but you're happy for her to grow up thinking this is how you communicate in a relationship? Don't you want her to grow up to think she's worth more than being spoken to harsh and rudely, and blocked by a boyfriend at the age of 43?

What you model for her is what she'll internalise and repeat...