Emotionally immature DP

[PrinceCharlesFoutainPen]

My DP is 43 and can at times be very emotionally immature - rarely says sorry, expects certain behaviour for others but doesn't always behave that way himself, poor communication skills - often shuts down physically and emotionally when stressed etc. He has got better over the years and the emotionally immature behaviour is probably once every six months or so, sometimes even longer periods. Apart from this childishness, he's a nice person - funny, attentive, supportive (providing he's not stressed) and we have a normal relationship.

Anyway, he's clearly been stressed at work recently as I can see the signs and I've been giving him a bit of space and leaving him to it, as he gets irritated if I ask him what's wrong and denies there is anything. Last night I got back late and teen DD has a virus. I mentioned that quite a few kids I teach are off with a similar one. He said well it's probably because she went out without a coat, to which i responded that's not how you get a virus, she will have caught it as it's going round. He is from another country and people seem to believe that you can get a virus by walking with bare feet, or going out without a coat (even if that was true, which it isn't its 23 degrees at night where we live). Anyway, he was being a bit patronising, although he was obviously wrong, so I said if he doesn't believe me, then look it up on the internet as there's no point in arguing about it. He huffed off, was in a foul mood and came to bed the same.

I said there's no point in arguing and having a bad atmosphere over nothing and apparently I don't respect his opinions (😮 - it's a fact not an opinion; but anyway...) and told me to never speak to him in his life again and went on to block me, while next to me in bed, on WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram.

I'm honestly a bit exhausted by the level of childishness. That just isn't normal behaviour. There are no other problems in our relationship, we had a lovely weekend together and this came out of nowhere because when he's in a bad mood you can say the smallest thing and it sets him off. He'll go back to normal over the next few days and there will be no apology for his complete overreaction. I know I could have probably said nothing, but I don't want DD growing up being told that you're going to get sick if you don't dry wet hair, walk around without socks or wear a coat in 23 degree weather fgs.

You really can't , you probably caught your illness from a person in the club.

You have better eyesight than me on a phone, but yes! Well spotted!! Clearly need glasses!

I'm sorry, OP. I thought you posted on the Relationships board because you wanted to hear others' views about your relationship. I didn't realise that you were simply looking for agreement and validation of your point of view as the sole correct one.

I'll start again:

God, your DP is a cretin. What an immature idiot. He's so lucky to have such a highly intelligent, better educated partner like you, and he really doesn't deserve you, he's punching above and he'd better shape up ot ship out.

Is that OK?

@Pinkbonbon
I knew I was going to be in big trouble if I didn't warm up fast. Luckily my workplace had a hairdryer. But next day - bad cold. Very bad cold.

If you were very sick the next day then you probably caught the cold virus 2-3 days before, not on the rainy day. You probably felt freezing on the rainy day because you were already coming down with the cold.

I didn’t think MNHQ permitted the OP to name change mid-thread any more? How strange.

He seems like he has had a very tropical autism ‘ meltdown’ to me

• typical

The give always being :
wont see your perspective
emotionally ‘ immature’
wont see the difference between and opinion and a fact or that there could be a difference
strops off and reacts with silent treatment and blocking media ( valuing media so highly is again not typical behaviour / blocking you / falling out with you virtually rather than in a connected
sense)
read up on aspie men…. I believe you will re many things fall in to place

You're correct that your body's immune system will find it harder to fight off a virus if your body isn't well and fit, but that isn't the same as catching a virus from having wet hair or being cold, otherwise N Canada would he screwed. Your body might find it harder to fight off colds when it's cold in winter, but that's about how virus' get into your body, not a one off wet hair and all the virus' being attracted to you.

My ex used to do this.

Things we argued about:

Whether medieval peasants enjoyed more days off work than we do nowadays

What the LHA housing rate is in South Wales

How I was charting my temperature in order to determine my fertile periods (he didn't understand it at all so I was automatically wrong)

How I pronounced "Samhain"

Etcetera etcetera.

But really, it didn't matter what we were arguing about, it was the challenge to his fragile ego he couldn't stand. Even googling something and saying "Look! It's as I said!" wouldn't stop him, he'd continue to argue black was white.

(If HE was right about something, or if it was something he knew a lot about, I'd just say "Oh yes! Seems you're right then")

They just can't stand being wrong. Simply have never learned how to accept that graciously. He would follow me round the house browbeating me for hours with increasingly tenuous arguments. Even if I said "OK, OK, you're right!" he wouldn't stop, because he'd accuse me of not being "sincere".

I suspect that he is a covert narcissist.

But even in what you quoted, it's IF you come into contact, your body MIGHT find it harder, you MAY get ill.... That isn't if you go out and get cold you'll get ill.

nomorecarrots enough of the autistic bashing thanks. I'm autistic and don't do this. My ex is (as far as I know) NT and does.

The qn @PrinceCharlesFoutainPen is, are you happy in this relationship? Living in this country? Modelling this relationship model to your child?

Some men just can't accept being corrected when they are wrong. We're supposed to nod sagely when they come out with nonsense like catching a cold from not wearing a coat, because they are Gods in their own minds basically. The blocking you on social media while in bed beside you is hilarious. I couldn't be dealing with someone that silly.

hairpinleg so true.
I had a seemingly sane married man, pillar of the community, throw an absolute flounce on me when we were sowing wildflower seeds together. I handed him a big bag of seed, said "Now you only need to use a little tiny bit, OK?" I turned round 10 minutes later, and he'd used the entire fucking bag. I said "Out of curiosity, what did you hear when I was saying to you to only use a little bit?" and he said "I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND OK?!" and stormed off leaving his coat, which he never came back for 😆

I'm sorry, OP. I thought you posted on the Relationships board because you wanted to hear others' views about your relationship. I didn't realise that you were simply looking for agreement and validation of your point of view as the sole correct one.I'll start again:God, your DP is a cretin. What an immature idiot. He's so lucky to have such a highly intelligent, better educated partner like you, and he really doesn't deserve you, he's punching above and he'd better shape up ot ship out. Is that OK? You seem to be very similar to my DP. You posted your opinion, I gave you mine back, and you don't like it and are posting a sarcastic, arsey comment back to me. Is it better if I say "yes, you're completely right. I will take everything you said on board and change my life accordingly." I don't know where you're getting all this better educated nonsense and punching above weight stuff from. Are you ok? Do you just come on the relationships board to try to make people feel bad about themselves? I disagreed with something he said, tried to stop an argument happening by saying we should leave it and he blocked me on all social media and is continuing with the childish behaviour over something very minor. If you think his behaviour is justified, you do you. I don't agree.

The majority of the time I am happy, yes. At the moment obviously not and questioning a lot of things. My child is extremely happy living here though and has no desire to ever move back to the U.K. I think my daughter, like any child sees a normal relationship between two people, that from time to time have arguments, like the majority of her friends parents. She's not privy to the ins and outs of anything. We don't shout and rant and rave, so I'm sure she knows something is going on, but is 13 and very much unbothered what is going on between adults.

DP is definitely NT.

That sounds exhausting. DP is only really like this when something else is going on. The same conversation two weeks ago would have gone a very different way. It's still ridiculous and I can't believe that yesterday he didn't just try to sort it out. He kind of retreats into himself when these things happen and there's no point in trying to communicate.

Bollocks, sorry to be blunt but you don't catch a respiratory virus through the soles of your feet.

Sorry for offence called I am perhaps over projecting my loved experience of being married to a aspie man. Who tells me the things I mention we ONLy Because of autism.

@crackofdoom i know how frustrating these arguments because I had the sage sort with my exH. But oh I did snigger at what you argued about. Ours were equally ridiculous eg not speaking to me for days because I refused to agree that John Lennon was better after the Beatles than with them. 🙄

OP, notice that, like Crack’s, these arguments happened with exH.

This

Is he German? We believe all of those things (I don’t btw) but it’s culturally ingrained and people believe this is how people get ill. I would probably cut him some slack for those beliefs although I also think they are a bit silly.

not acceptable to block you on social media though, that’s incredibly immature.

I think it depends on your relationship overall and whether you can be bothered to continue with this. I wouldn’t like the walking on egg shells and the feeling that he’s not acting like an adult you can communicate with.