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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just got sent an unsolicited dick pic

85 replies

gottobenz · 14/05/2023 20:44

And I actually find it abusive .
He knew I did t want one .
He was alluding to it.
Told him that that wasnt for me .
Inbox ..minutes later.
I am just sick of these sub standard men.
Is this bloody normal in online dating ?
Why in earth would any man think a random female find these photos anything less than vile and repulsive .

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
twinklystar23 · 13/08/2023 09:13

I wish more women would report this the more reports will indicate it is a serious matter. OP if you want to report I would initially contact the sexual violence services in your area. Keep screenshot of ALL communication. You can find their details on your local force area website. If you are intending on reporting I would strongly advise not posting further detail here or in RL about the actual incident, as it can undermine a criminal investigation.

UWhatNow · 13/08/2023 09:24

guineacup · 17/05/2023 07:00

They have pea-sized reptilian brains with low empathy compared to massive horny egos. They believe porn and think women are gagging for sex and will hook up with them the second we see a badly lit image of some gross hairy grey sausage.

I disagree. These men know women won't want to hook up with them after seeing their dick.... in the same way a park flasher knows that women won't be rushing to jump him when he opens his mac.

These are men who feel aggrieved at women for not giving them the easy sex they think they deserve, and have given up on being a man that women will find sexually attractive, so they share dick pics as an outlet for their deep resentment, as a way of "getting even" and redressing what they see as a massive sexual power imbalance.

Even more reason to not to respond casually with humorous ‘banter’. This really does need to be made illegal and women need to let men know that they’ll be reported to the police and their employer.

FilthyBeast · 13/08/2023 10:23

Banter doesn't hurt them, publicly name and shame them. Post what they've done.

Lottapianos · 13/08/2023 10:33

'The problem with ‘bantery’ responses is that they think, at the very worst we find it amusing. When actually it’s shocking and upsetting.'

I agree. I love the response upthread from the woman who replied 'what did you send me? Was it a meme?' and then told him she had a porn blocker on her phone which also alerts the police 😁 that will have scared the shit out of him, let him know clearly that she had NO interest in any dick pics, but also deprives him of any sick thrills he might get by suggesting that she hadn't even seen his pathetic little pic.

Unsolicited dick pics are the same as flashing and sexual harassment and should be treated just as seriously

BeeCucumber · 13/08/2023 10:36

I would respond with - “just like a penis - only smaller” - and then block.

JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 11:05

Unfortunately the Internet opens you up to a lot more weirdos and arsehole men.

I've never done that nor would I want to. One it's wrong but also why would a woman want to see it, I wouldn't want to see it either.

As far as I am aware there's a proportion of men that like to do it because they are weird and are just sending them out to anyone and there are those that believe sending them will secure them a woman.

I'm seeing more women on Twitter/X that are exposing them through screenshots and sending them into viral shame and in certain circumstances some have been prosecuted which serves them right.

Sorry you're experiencing this OP, and others, we are not all like that and find it disgusting behavior also.

Yetisrus29 · 13/08/2023 11:32

Some of the stuff I came across when dating and specifically doing OLD really traumatised me. There are some proper degenerates out there.

Sexting, unwanted dick pics, video calls that turned out just so they could have a wank to a woman, offered money for sex. I reported the last two to the app but they were still on there the last time I signed up.

I'm obviously too naive but in my world a man doesn't send someone a picture of his dick, if he wants to wank to a woman's voice he can call a sex line. Go see a prostitute if you want to pay someone for sex. It doesn't make me frigid or cold (they were the classic insults) to not appreciate them.

It put me off dating altogether for a while. I did meet one nice, normal guy but he was an exception.

JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 11:59

@Yetisrus29 Oh, really that awful, what actually doing that to you over a video call?

Christ I'm nervous trying OLD again at some point and I'm a guy but couldn't imagine having to navigate that kinda stuff.

SimoneSimone · 13/08/2023 12:54

I think we all agree that sending Dic pics is horrible deviant behaviour. It has also been noticed that women on Instagram are publicly flashing their labia by wearing backlit see through dresses with no underwear. This is also unsolicited flashing that once seen can't be unseen. This sort of online behaviour for both cases needs to be addressed.

Yetisrus29 · 13/08/2023 13:03

@JibbaJab no joke, I'm pretty easy going and let things wash over me but that just made me feel violated. I won't do OLD again, as it did taint my view on men.

Yetisrus29 · 13/08/2023 13:03

@JibbaJab no joke, I'm pretty easy going and let things wash over me but that just made me feel violated. I won't do OLD again, as it did taint my view on men.

JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 13:12

@Yetisrus29 Yeah don't blame you that's grim. Like, the gall to do that I don't get it.

DameCurlyBassey · 13/08/2023 13:41

Flowertight · 14/05/2023 22:16

I thought it was illegal now

I think it is. When it happened to me the police took it very seriously. I got the impression that they saw it as part of a pattern of behaviour that escalates to a bigger crime. He was arrested for something else before they spoke to him and I have to say I am terrified of bumping into him.

DameCurlyBassey · 13/08/2023 13:47

Yetisrus29 · 13/08/2023 11:32

Some of the stuff I came across when dating and specifically doing OLD really traumatised me. There are some proper degenerates out there.

Sexting, unwanted dick pics, video calls that turned out just so they could have a wank to a woman, offered money for sex. I reported the last two to the app but they were still on there the last time I signed up.

I'm obviously too naive but in my world a man doesn't send someone a picture of his dick, if he wants to wank to a woman's voice he can call a sex line. Go see a prostitute if you want to pay someone for sex. It doesn't make me frigid or cold (they were the classic insults) to not appreciate them.

It put me off dating altogether for a while. I did meet one nice, normal guy but he was an exception.

They called you frigid in order to manipulate you.

I suppose they did it to you rather than call a sex line because they got off on your disgust, shock, and fear. Complete fucking bastards.

sorry that you experienced that.

Lottapianos · 13/08/2023 14:32

'When it happened to me the police took it very seriously. I got the impression that they saw it as part of a pattern of behaviour that escalates to a bigger crime'..

This is really good to hear. I would like to hope that this is becoming the standard response across police forces

Typz · 13/08/2023 14:50

UWhatNow · 13/08/2023 09:24

Even more reason to not to respond casually with humorous ‘banter’. This really does need to be made illegal and women need to let men know that they’ll be reported to the police and their employer.

Show quote history

Cyberflashing ALREADY IS ILLEGAL.

OP please report him to the police.

FictionalCharacter · 13/08/2023 15:31

One of the best retorts I saw on Twitter was something like “I’m a doctor. Don’t be alarmed but that small brown lump at the base looks like a tumour. I don’t want to scare you but I advise you to see a doctor asap. You can’t be too careful with cancer”. It got him rattled because he was all “what lump, where? Are you serious?”

Might seem cruel but he didn’t have any concern for her feelings, or the feelings of all the other women he’s no doubt sent the pics to.

Premfove · 13/08/2023 15:49

That's illegal where I live. Report him. If not illegal where you are then shame the life out of him. Find him on social media and post it publicly/send it to his employer/wife/mother.

Greycloudlooming · 13/08/2023 20:57

Premfove · 13/08/2023 15:49

That's illegal where I live. Report him. If not illegal where you are then shame the life out of him. Find him on social media and post it publicly/send it to his employer/wife/mother.

If you posted it online or sent to his mother, employer etc, would that be classed as revenge porn or some sort of illegal distribution (not that it wouldn’t be deceived), just don’t want anyone to get in trouble for doing what you advise.

Greycloudlooming · 13/08/2023 20:58

Deserved, not deceived.

CapEBarra · 13/08/2023 21:50

‘Why have you sent me a photo of a thumb?’

Greycloudlooming · 14/08/2023 06:37

CapEBarra · 13/08/2023 21:50

‘Why have you sent me a photo of a thumb?’

Or “why have you sent me a picture of a child’s penis? I’m reporting this”…

anyolddinosaur · 14/08/2023 06:58

This bill will make it a specific offence

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/a-guide-to-the-online-safety-bill

until that receives royal assent it's the Malicious Communication Act 1088. Clearly a crime when OP had said she didnt want one and it was sent anyway.

Report to the police.

A guide to the Online Safety Bill

The Online Safety Bill is a new set of laws to protect children and adults online. It will make social media companies more responsible for their users’ safety on their platforms.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/a-guide-to-the-online-safety-bill

HashBrownandBeans · 14/08/2023 07:35

When I was online dating I used to use it as quite a handy barometer for whether someone was safe to meet with. I used to tell them ‘no dick pics’ in my profile and in the first few messages. If they ignored me, then I knew that they would likely ignore ‘no’ on a date too.

FictionalCharacter · 14/08/2023 15:29

Very good point @HashBrownandBeans