Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ever felt physical sparky/ lightning bolt feelings?

98 replies

Nonylonneeded · 11/05/2023 20:36

I’m wondering how common this is, and interested in hearing about other people’s experiences.
Have you ever encountered a person (whether you fancy them or not!)with whom you’ve experienced a proper physical sensation like an electric shock when they’re nearby, you brush against them?! Like the lightning bolt we always talk about romantically, but have you felt this really physically through your body?
I know on all the tv dating shows etc people talk about ‘the spark’, but have you felt the spark like a proper surge of electricity powering through your body? how did it turn out ?
I’m not talking nylon static here!

OP posts:
baggyleggings · 11/05/2023 22:06

I also had an experience very recently which I’m struggling to get my head around. I’m very happily married but was working away from home for a few weeks - all fine, having a good time, chatting to DH and kids every day. Through the course of my work, I found myself sitting in a very formal environment opposite a man whom I’d never met before. We spent the entire afternoon facing each other across a distance of some 10 metres but unable to speak. (Think church service). The eye contact and little smiles between us were like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I have never felt so attracted to a stranger in my life. We met afterwards but again, in a very formal, public setting with colleagues around, introduced ourselves and had a rather flirty chat before he had to leave.

A few days later we saw each other again from the same distance and the connection was clearly still there. No chance to chat afterwards this time and I left for home the next day. I’m now back in my happy, normal life but keep thinking about him. I know that I could contact him through his work, but I have resolved not to.

Just going to enjoy the memory of those incredibly loaded moments which passed between us.

Original poster
Nonylonneeded · 11/05/2023 22:08

I wonder if for people who’ve experienced this and that person turned out to be the person they went on to marry/ fall in love with…
Does it raise the stakes a bit in terms of the spark you’d be seeking if you were ever looking for love again (if for one reason or another the marriage/ relationship unfortunately ended?)
Would you be waiting for another spark, or is it just one of those weird very rare occurrences that we’re lucky to experience once in a lifetime?

OP posts:
gogogoji · 11/05/2023 22:11

SapphireStar77 · 11/05/2023 21:39

Yes. A few years ago. I returned to work after some time off and whilst I was away a new colleague had started. I was at the desk when he walked in, I looked up and saw him and was transfixed - the same happened to him as he stopped in his tracks and was unable to speak, we just stared at each other for ages. Whenever we bumped in to each other he would lose the ability to speak and I had the bolt of lightning. Completely not my usual type but the feeling was insane - definitely a chemical reaction!

What happened?

Original poster
Nonylonneeded · 11/05/2023 22:12

I sometimes watch first dates and many say they felt the spark. But if it’s not the SPARK spark, is it enough? Especially if the big spark was the precursor to many years of soulmate type joy previously? 😅

OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 11/05/2023 22:24

Yes, we clicked instantly on meeting and he felt so 'familiar'. It was like we could read each other's minds. He wasn't that physically attractive and yet I was hopelessly attracted. I remember passing close to him in a bar and feeling electrified all over, even though we didn't actually touch as we passed.

Being with him was amazing until suddenly it wasn't after all - big disappointment. We kept seeing each other for a good while though. We are still in touch 30 years later though rarely meet. There's still something primal between us (for me at least) but I don't even like him that much.

TheRevolutionmaywellbetelevised · 11/05/2023 22:29

Yes, in London many years ago I asked a man for directions. Can’t even remember exactly where it was but somewhere near the City I think. Lots of people heading to a concrete pedestrian tunnel. He looked very purposeful, not rushing exactly. I stopped him anyway. I could describe him to you now and it was at least 25 years ago. When he turned to face me fully we both almost couldn’t speak. I knew he felt the same way.
If it had been a film we wouldn’t have left it there.

He was attractive but it wasn’t just that. There was something between us.

There have been others but that comes to mind first.

SapphireStar77 · 11/05/2023 22:37

gogogoji · 11/05/2023 22:11

What happened?

Show quote history

A bit of a long story but we worked together for about 3 years and never disclosed our feelings to each other as we were both in relationships at the time and nothing ever happened between us but the spark definitely continued all this time. We both split from our partners within a few weeks of each other (not because of our feelings for each other) Shortly after my close friend let it slip that he had told her a couple of years ago that he was in love with me. I confronted him about his feelings and we did get together for a while as I was so besotted with him and him me but then my ex partner said he wanted us to get married and at the time I thought it would be a good idea for our children so I called it off with the other guy and I got married a few weeks after. We are still good friends

gogogoji · 11/05/2023 22:41

@SapphireStar77 omg it's like a movie!! Are you and dh still happy? Do you think the spark man still loves you? How did you put your extreme besotted feelings aside?

SapphireStar77 · 11/05/2023 22:47

gogogoji · 11/05/2023 22:41

@SapphireStar77 omg it's like a movie!! Are you and dh still happy? Do you think the spark man still loves you? How did you put your extreme besotted feelings aside?

Lol yeah I guess so! We are happy thank you. I’m not sure if spark man still loves me - I think we both appreciated the time we had together and we definitely still have a connection but obviously very different now for many reasons. I think at the time we managed to out our feelings aside for so long because a) we were both in relationships at the time and b) he was my boss! It was very hard working together and having these feelings

Kingdedede · 11/05/2023 22:49

Yes once with my current DP about 2 months in I would say it was lust as we were like rabbits at that stage. Just a normal knackered couple with small kids now who just about get on.

Devonshiregal · 11/05/2023 23:07

Yes! I was thinking about this the other day and wondered if other people had it. He was my ex. Arsehole of a man. Love at first sight and a jolt/surge when I first saw him but a month or so in to our relationship we were lightly holding hands while sleeping and it felt like there was literally static between our palms. Not just metaphorically. It was so weird. And I still get sad he was such a prick that I had to give it all up. But at least I don’t cry every day now so could be worse!

Dahliasinmay · 11/05/2023 23:13

Yep, only once. Was with a colleague I’d worked closely on a project with, always friendly but totally professional. We were at a work social and I have no idea what happened but there was this sudden electricity between us. I know it was mutual as he acknowledged it and we both chatted about how weird it was as we’d never seen each other in that way before. Nothing happened as we’re both happily married, but it was a serious WTF moment for us both. Thankfully the project ended shortly after so we were able to give each other a wide berth for a while. He’s now probably one of my closest work friends, but it took a long time before it felt safe to allow that friendship to develop.

Guinefort · 11/05/2023 23:17

Many, many years ago at work. A crime had been committed in our offices (not by me 😂) and I had to provide a witness statement to the police. A Garda (Irish police officer) came to take my statement and the "energy" between us was indescribable the moment our eyes met. It was literally like an electric pulse I have never ever felt anything so intense.

I like to think he felt it too judging by the way his eyes stayed locked on to mine. It was as if we physically couldn't look away from each other,
although the low self-esteem (realist?!!) part of me says it was probably just some specialist interrogation technique he had perfected.

Never saw him again but I can feel my heart beating faster just thinking about him now, 25 years later!!!

Neverthinkjustdo · 11/05/2023 23:24

Happens commonly with narcissists unfortunately as they often have a way of staring into your soul that makes your heart skip and your stomach flip and your breath catch in your lungs and your legs go weak. So imo it's often a warning sign. But we interpret it as love at first sight.

Opentooffers · 11/05/2023 23:25

Had a spark many times, doesn't mean they are right for you, in fact it can often result in chemistry clouding judgement I find. Fun though, happy times😉

TheMildManneredMilitant · 11/05/2023 23:28

I met my DH through a friend at a club. Was a bit 'whatevs' initially and no instant attraction on my part but he was quite forward and kissed me in the way you do when you're pissed and in your late teens. It was definitely a lightening bolt moment and the first time I'd ever felt pure lust. And a complete surprise because I don't think I fancied him up til that point.

JeannieAlogy · 11/05/2023 23:36

Yes, a few times.

Once with someone I nearly slept with - some real pheromone stuff going on there as he was almost irresistible.

When I met DH. Lasted years. We literallycouldnt keep our hands off each other, even well after 10 years of marriage. Its only in recent years, since Ive got perimenopausal that its simmered down a bit.

Last year I went to see a band I've liked for decades but never seen live. I had a massive crush on the lead singer when I was late teens. Went with a friend and said we'd probably sit at the side and watch as "they're all getting on a bit", but as soon as they appeared on stage I just HAD to be as close as possible. Crush well and truly resurrected.

Ridiculousradish · 11/05/2023 23:38

Yes with my son's father. First time I met him I was completely wowed, atmosphere was electric. First time we had sex we couldn't believe what was happening, neither of us had ever felt anything like that before. I genuinely felt like I was in a movie.

Ended badly. We were terrible for each other. Once I got pregnant and reality kicked in, all of that fizzled. I spent years being angry with him, but there will probably always be something there between us. Could never be together again though.

Ridiculousradish · 11/05/2023 23:39

Neverthinkjustdo · 11/05/2023 23:24

Happens commonly with narcissists unfortunately as they often have a way of staring into your soul that makes your heart skip and your stomach flip and your breath catch in your lungs and your legs go weak. So imo it's often a warning sign. But we interpret it as love at first sight.

Yes! This! Ex is a complete narcissist. I look back now and see the love bombing I was blissfully unaware of. I had just come out of an abusive relationship when I met him and was very vulnerable.

IHateLegDay · 11/05/2023 23:55

Yes once IIRC.
It was with an old fling. We were just friends at the time but there'd been some flirting and we were spending lots of time together.
We were lying on my bed, watching a film and we both turned to say something at the same time so our faces were close.
We both went quiet and it felt like genuine electricity. Like it was a physical feeling that I'd not had before or since.
So we kissed and then one thing led to another and we had sex for the first time.
The sex was awkward as hell which kind of ruined the magic of the electric kiss 😂😂🙈

itscoldagainhere · 12/05/2023 00:12

Neverthinkjustdo · 11/05/2023 23:24

Happens commonly with narcissists unfortunately as they often have a way of staring into your soul that makes your heart skip and your stomach flip and your breath catch in your lungs and your legs go weak. So imo it's often a warning sign. But we interpret it as love at first sight.

I agree with you, I felt this once, in a professional situation and completely unexpected. I did end up having a relationship with him - I thought he loved me - I thought we were soulmates but he turned out to be a manipulative narcissist cheating arse and I eventually ended it. It was difficult though because I still felt the intense chemistry - when he looked at me he could turn it on like a tap.

DramaAlpaca · 12/05/2023 00:14

Yes, a couple of times and neither with my lovely DH. One was a random encounter on the London tube years ago, we couldn't take our eyes off each other. The other quite recent, someone I know through work. I didn't act on either of them because of lovely DH, but the memories are nice to look back on.

ShandaLear · 12/05/2023 00:20

With DP - it’s like being in some sort of magnetic force field. When I first met him it took every ounce of strength I had not to take hold of his hand. It’s still more natural for me to be touching him when he’s nearby.

Ihaveamagicwand · 12/05/2023 00:48

When I was in my teens and had just met this lovely bloke who sat down beside me. His thigh brushed mine - the bench was packed - and the spark was definitely there.
I’m still happily married to him over 35 years later.

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/05/2023 07:21

Yes with DP. The chemistry between us is insane and was overwhelming when we first met. Luckily he is also a wonderful, lovely and very decent man too. We are obviously far more mundane and comfortable now 2 years in but we still have that chemistry. Never had any connection like it.