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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you date a guy that…

94 replies

Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 16:51

Follows only fans accounts on instagram? Been on a few dates, nice guy. He’s been single a while so I know guys can turn to such things. He likes allot of the ‘sexy’ pics.
yes I’ve had a look on his IG account(who doesn’t!)
id like to think he would stop that if he was to get in a relationship…
wwyd? Run for the hills or see what happens if it goes further.
oh, we haven’t slept together yet

OP posts:
Naunet · 12/05/2023 12:40

MMmomDD · 12/05/2023 09:49

I think not giving him a chance just based on this alone is strange. You don’t know him yet and way too early to judge him solely on that.
If you do progress to a relationship - and given that it bothers you - I’d be more explicit in telling him that it bothers you.
So that it doesn’t become something you accumulate resentment over.

But generally - I really can’t get excited or bothered about social media likes and it having huge importance.

I think its strange that you think women owe men “a chance”.

QueefQueen80s · 12/05/2023 18:15

I despair at some womens low standards.

Closetbeanmuncher · 12/05/2023 20:01

He’s 40 oh wow 😬…

A 40 year old that still acts like a horny teen?

Yeaaah, Its a no from me.

Dacadactyl · 12/05/2023 20:16

Gross. No, I wouldn't see him again.

Also, I bet he has a totally shit relationship history.

Original poster
Overtlyone · 12/05/2023 22:49

Thanks for all the replies. Weirdly, the people he’s following are probably of a similar age and, not to sound big-headed, less attractive than I am.

OP posts:
Greycloudlooming · 12/05/2023 23:12

Overtlyone · 12/05/2023 22:49

Thanks for all the replies. Weirdly, the people he’s following are probably of a similar age and, not to sound big-headed, less attractive than I am.

So you’re already comparing yourself to these women he follows. Not healthy for your self esteem in the slightest.

It is up to you. I personally wouldn’t date someone who openly follows and likes these sorts of pages. What they do privately is one thing, but if they’re a public perve it’s a whole new level of yuk.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 12/05/2023 23:13

There’s a reason why he’s single…

Mumof3confused · 12/05/2023 23:15

No

AnyMucca · 13/05/2023 05:39

Overtlyone · 12/05/2023 22:49

Thanks for all the replies. Weirdly, the people he’s following are probably of a similar age and, not to sound big-headed, less attractive than I am.

If you're more attractive why don't you set yourself up with an account and see how he feels?

gannett · 13/05/2023 06:56

I wouldn't care that he looked at any of that stuff but following and liking in public would be the dealbreaker for me. I really don't get why some men think their wanking taste is interesting to their social circle as if it's the same as saying you like an artist or a book. As well as being a bit grim it tells me they're a very boring person if that's what their social media profile consists of.

I guess an exception would be if they were involved in a particular community (professionally or otherwise) where that kind of thing is commonplace - the fitness community or burlesque for example. I don't get the impression this is commonplace for the OP.

mischlerischler · 13/05/2023 07:00

It would only bother me because I would find it sleazy for a 40 year old man to like these things on his public instagram. Porn, private stuff etc would not bother me.

But if I found this in early days on his public profile it would be a turn off. Especially for a 40 year old man. It's icky.

silverfullmoon · 13/05/2023 07:16

Comby · 12/05/2023 00:07

Men don't watch porn because they're single. They just like porn. Women keep making this mistake, assuming or hoping the content will change, lessen or even stop when he 'has a woman'. It's not what it's about. His porn use tells you about HIM, nothing else. 99% nothing changes and honestly, he sounds far gone. It is not common to follow OF accs on insta. Especially as a middle-aged man. He sounds sleazy. Maybe that's why he's single...

This. Men who follow this stuff arent going to suddenly ban it from their feed because they have a girlfriend. They follow it because they like it and I suspect any form of expressing that its uncomfortable from a partner will be met with defensiveness like "you're being too sensiitve!", "its harmless", "its not as if I'm meeting up with them" etc.

This is who he is as a person and if he follows it publicly, dont expect him to change.

silverfullmoon · 13/05/2023 07:19

It's like asking a smoker to stop smoking AFTER you got with them

Exactly. Go out with him if you want to but expect this is who he is and is unlikely to change.

whiteroseredrose · 13/05/2023 07:36

No.

JMSA · 13/05/2023 07:52

No.

Thighlengthboots · 13/05/2023 07:58

So you’re already comparing yourself to these women he follows. Not healthy for your self esteem in the slightest

Yup. This makes me sad- OP is already pitting herself against these women, trying to determine whom is more attractive. He's already got her competing for his attention.

Really doesnt bode well. At all.

QueefQueen80s · 13/05/2023 11:13

mischlerischler · 13/05/2023 07:00

It would only bother me because I would find it sleazy for a 40 year old man to like these things on his public instagram. Porn, private stuff etc would not bother me.

But if I found this in early days on his public profile it would be a turn off. Especially for a 40 year old man. It's icky.

So it wouldn't bother you if your middle aged partner, while you are middle aged yourself, is spending his time wanking off to 20 year olds?
It wouldn't affect your confidence? Make you see him in a sleazy light? Just as long as it's private right.. Yuck.

BakerLea · 13/05/2023 15:42

No way- been there, done that and bought the not good enough and insecure t-shirt. Run for the hills

ChristmasFluff · 13/05/2023 15:42

Nope.

To date someone like this means the assumption that there are no healthy men out there, and you just have to scrape around for the dregs who don't actually fuck prostitutes.

In fact, there is an abundance of men who find that kind of shit revolting.

I choose those.

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