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Original poster

Would you date a guy that…

94 replies

Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 16:51

Follows only fans accounts on instagram? Been on a few dates, nice guy. He’s been single a while so I know guys can turn to such things. He likes allot of the ‘sexy’ pics.
yes I’ve had a look on his IG account(who doesn’t!)
id like to think he would stop that if he was to get in a relationship…
wwyd? Run for the hills or see what happens if it goes further.
oh, we haven’t slept together yet

OP posts:
HowRatherGolly · 11/05/2023 17:56

Look up threads on here from multiple women who have partnered up with men who do this behind their backs, who have come on here for advise after discovering all the sordid things these individuals have done to their self worth.

You seem to be ignoring previous posters and blindly taken on a 40 year old that has this sort of character.

Your self worth and confidence will ebb away the longer you are in a relationship with men like this. It will change your outlook on yourself for good or for a very long time.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/05/2023 17:56

Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 17:43

He’s 40. I don’t feel like I can ask him about it yet as it’s really early days. But if this progresses, I will definitely say something along the lines of ‘guess you won’t need to like and follow those cam girls now hey’ in a jokey way. Like I said, early days yet and just enjoying our dates up to now

If he ever needs hints about acceptable behaviour, leave him. Don't even bother saying it. That's like going out with a permanent teenager.

gelatogina · 11/05/2023 17:59

It’s a bit pathetic for a 40 year old. Would definitely give me the ick.

don’t fool yourself that he will stop in the future, if you accept it now, be prepared to accept it forever

ItsCalledAConversation · 11/05/2023 18:01

SallyWD · 11/05/2023 17:15

It's not really a deal breaker for me. Ok, if I was in a relationship with him I'd expect him to massively reduce all that kind of stuff. But for a single man to look? No big deal (in my opinion).

This.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 11/05/2023 18:03

It’s a bit gross for a 40 year old really, so no.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 11/05/2023 18:05

No.
Porn is bad enough, wouldn’t date someon who watches that hate speech.
But OF, paying for this stuff, it means that they are DEEP into this mess.
I do not believe that anyone can value women as equal human beings and watch, or indeed, pay for porn.
It’s just not possible, it’s so deeply rooted in misogyny.

Neverthinkjustdo · 11/05/2023 18:38

I agree that openly watching that stuff is sleazy.

I think you do need to straight up say 'Just to clarify, I don't tolerate porn use in relationships. How do you feel about that?' And see what he says. Maybe he'll say he's been known to watch it but isn't fussed.

Greenfairydust · 11/05/2023 18:49

Save yourself the trouble and dump the guy.

This type of men is likely to be addicted to porn and view women purely as sex objects...not actual human beings.

Not to mention that it probably would think it is OK to pay for cam girls or escorts.

Just gross.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 11/05/2023 18:53

40!? Christ, I thought you were going to say he was 20 or so.

Honkingly immature if you ask me. That sort of perving should be done in private.

atsixesnsevens · 11/05/2023 18:59

I don't think it's a problem while he's single.
I'd maybe re-think it if he continued into a relationship.

Clymene · 11/05/2023 18:59

He's a man who buys women. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who does that?

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 11/05/2023 19:02

Certainly not! I’d leave him and his right hand to wank in splendid isolation.

porridgeisbae · 11/05/2023 19:13

No, it reveals something about his character. And he wouldn't be on the same wavelength as me.

I know a lot of guys watch porn etc, but it's still a turn off.

And I'm Catholic and would want a guy on the same page.

Original poster
Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 22:20

I don’t have a problem with porn at all. He’s very careful with his money from what he’s told me, so I really can’t see him paying regularly for OF. I think he just ‘likes’ the IG pics

OP posts:
ETimport · 11/05/2023 22:37

No.

scoobydoo1971 · 11/05/2023 22:37

Middle aged man oogles women on the internet. This is not really about his freedom to do that, or not. The fact he wants to suggests he will always have a wandering eye and values looks over everything else that makes a person. But what would really get to me would be the fact that he thinks it is ok to sponsor an industry that disempowers women (and men). For all the marketing pledges of onlyfans liberating people, it is men and women getting their kit off and being paid to do all sorts of adult stuff in return for money. One step down from the oldest profession in the world, and another new form of personalised pornography. If this man wants to sponsor an industry with such a bad human rights record by paying for cheap thrills, he would never be someone I could seriously date. Plenty of less sleazy men out there.

larkstar · 11/05/2023 23:41

@Overtlyone you should have a direct, frank, open minded talk about it - if you want a good relationship start building what you want from the start - don’t pussyfoot around second guessing, interpreting, inferring what he thinks or feels or what his aims, ambitions and intentions are - just open the lines of communication on a deep and wide level and keep talking, keep working to keep them open - start as you mean to go on.

Malarandras · 11/05/2023 23:44

Not a chance. I find it sleazy, immature and completely shameless to be doing it on Instagram. I have no interest in men who engage in that type of behaviour.

Comby · 12/05/2023 00:07

Men don't watch porn because they're single. They just like porn. Women keep making this mistake, assuming or hoping the content will change, lessen or even stop when he 'has a woman'. It's not what it's about. His porn use tells you about HIM, nothing else. 99% nothing changes and honestly, he sounds far gone. It is not common to follow OF accs on insta. Especially as a middle-aged man. He sounds sleazy. Maybe that's why he's single...

porridgeisbae · 12/05/2023 00:09

I agree with Comby that it won't change. He just might get more sneaky about it in a relationship.

sunnydaysaturday · 12/05/2023 00:43

I'd think he was a saddo.
Just because it's become 'normalised'/widespread since smartphones etc, doesn't mean it's healthy and it would mean we fundamentally didn't have the same values

CallieQ · 12/05/2023 00:47

No!

Opentooffers · 12/05/2023 01:01

If you know you wouldn't like it while dating, you're being optimistic about the chances of him changing for a GF. Stuff like this is very much habit-forming, and by 40, it's a long habit that is unlikely to get weaned off. I wonder how many single men who watch porn regularly, just stop when seeing someone- non that I know of.
In theory it might seem OK when single, but does continue when not.

Guavafish1 · 12/05/2023 03:16

Not my cup of tea

evuscha · 12/05/2023 03:42

No I find it quite creepy especially in a middle aged man. And no he won’t stop looking if he’s in a relationship.