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Original poster

Would you date a guy that…

94 replies

Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 16:51

Follows only fans accounts on instagram? Been on a few dates, nice guy. He’s been single a while so I know guys can turn to such things. He likes allot of the ‘sexy’ pics.
yes I’ve had a look on his IG account(who doesn’t!)
id like to think he would stop that if he was to get in a relationship…
wwyd? Run for the hills or see what happens if it goes further.
oh, we haven’t slept together yet

OP posts:
LadyH846 · 12/05/2023 04:19

No. I dated someone like this and it came to light he had a porn addiction later. Normal men don't follow porn accounts on IG.

Pammy39 · 12/05/2023 04:49

NO I wouldn't

the_black_Knight · 12/05/2023 05:12

You have to expect that he will carry on just as he is. You have no right to expect him to change. He has shown you who he js very clearly!

For me the dynamic would upset me, that he is objectifying women so casually and publicly. Doesn't see them as whole people. Not my cup of tea for sure.

barmycatmum · 12/05/2023 05:19

No. I find it pathetic and immature - it would kill any ability I had to respect him as a strong man.

Naunet · 12/05/2023 08:03

I think that you are clearly not ok with this, but you’re trying to convince yourself to be, in the hope it will stop if you get serious with him. What if it doesn’t? It’ll be much harder to call it quits once you’re invested.

CreamTeaThievery · 12/05/2023 08:09

No I would be mortified at being associated with someone who had that stuff on their instagram for everyone to see.

Also if that's his taste and I don't look like that, I would wonder how attracted he is to me. I suffer with insecurities about my looks anyway without stuff like that adding to it.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 12/05/2023 08:09

Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 22:20

I don’t have a problem with porn at all. He’s very careful with his money from what he’s told me, so I really can’t see him paying regularly for OF. I think he just ‘likes’ the IG pics

If you don’t mind porn, then what’s the problem?

OF isin’t good of course, but more likely (not 100% ) be consensual and woman making the money.

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/05/2023 09:04

No. Total dealbreaker.

waterlego · 12/05/2023 09:09

No, I would find this a real turn-off. I’m not attracted to men who publicly ogle women. Says everything I need to know about the kind of man they are.

IlIlI · 12/05/2023 09:12

No. I remember certain types of men actually sticking up page 3 models at their work.
Yes, other men would be looking at those but there is a big difference in those men and the men who deicide it's a good idea to stick them to a wall so everybody can admire his preferences. This is just the modern day equivalent.

DoTrollsShitInTheThreads · 12/05/2023 09:19

It obviously bothers you, or you wouldn't be asking. You are already making excuses as to why you are accepting lower standards

Catlord · 12/05/2023 09:38

Pornography, I don't love but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for a single man to use professional stuff moderately and discreetly (so he knows it isn't revenge porn). I fully understand the arguments against but it isn't a hill to die on for me personally.

Paying for it directly (online material, that is, not sex)- on the one hand at least the performers are getting fair remuneration rather than some enormous company. On the other hand, it is crossing a bit of a taboo line in my eyes around paying for sex. It's a different and deeper relationship with the sex industry than just being a casual viewer from time to time. Maybe it's no different than buying dirty mags in the old days but I'm not sure, it seems a bit more engaged than that.

In this situation it's the public nature of his behaviour that would put me right off. I wouldn't particularly fancy a man who the world can see is perving at women in undies. Doesn't show the greatest level of sophistication.

Don't joke or hint about this. It bothers you. Doesn't have to be a full council of war as it's early days and you've said you don't have a problem with porn but put your needs first. Maybe say something like 'no judgement but I can see from your SM that you publicly like/ follow a lot of adult models. Is this something you can see continuing if you get into a relationship?'

shieldmaiden7 · 12/05/2023 09:42

No I wouldn't. I dated someone who followed similar - naked game reviews. He even saved every photo is saw. When I told them I didn't like it he told me "it's not the models faults you're insecure". He was dumped not long after for different reasons but it played a part, he was in his 40's.

Postmanpatscatisfab · 12/05/2023 09:47

No.

MMmomDD · 12/05/2023 09:49

I think not giving him a chance just based on this alone is strange. You don’t know him yet and way too early to judge him solely on that.
If you do progress to a relationship - and given that it bothers you - I’d be more explicit in telling him that it bothers you.
So that it doesn’t become something you accumulate resentment over.

But generally - I really can’t get excited or bothered about social media likes and it having huge importance.

MaybeWednesday · 12/05/2023 09:49

So he likes looks at semi-naked girls, young enough to be his daughter and he does it publicly?

Nah! He's gross. And why would he stop if you asked him to? You knew he liked looking before you got together why should he stop?

It's like asking a smoker to stop smoking AFTER you got with them.

I don't like smokers, so don't date them. And certainly don't date middle aged men who perv at young girls.

Seas164 · 12/05/2023 09:59

I could not fancy a middle aged man that liked to spend his time looking at undressed girls half his age. It would really put me off.

id like to think he would stop that if he was to get in a relationship…

Why? Because unless you're all the naked girls on Instagram you're not going to fill that gap. Your ego would like to believe it would stop. The many women who have fallen down the same hopeful trap will tell you otherwise.

If who he is is not attractive move on. He won't change.

Waterbottleallthetime · 12/05/2023 10:06

You have your head in the sand if you believe he will stop just because you get into a sexual relationship with him. It will not. He’s 40 years old. This is what floats his boat. No real life woman can be a “cam girl “ all the time and really, would you want to have to spend your precious time trying to? He may not be able to get it up with a real life woman either as real life is not the fantasy cam girl is it? Run.

Pinkbonbon · 12/05/2023 10:38

Tbh op, you've only been on a few dates with the guy and you've seen this massive red flag...
Why on earth would you continue?

Also...when you say, 'careful with his money' do you mean tight? Because imo any guy bringing up cash in the early dates usually ends up having some issue revolving around it. If you get the impression he's 'careful' with it...I'd wonder if that means he saves it all up like scrooge (and maybe spends it obsessively on cam girls).

QueefQueen80s · 12/05/2023 10:41

Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 16:51

Follows only fans accounts on instagram? Been on a few dates, nice guy. He’s been single a while so I know guys can turn to such things. He likes allot of the ‘sexy’ pics.
yes I’ve had a look on his IG account(who doesn’t!)
id like to think he would stop that if he was to get in a relationship…
wwyd? Run for the hills or see what happens if it goes further.
oh, we haven’t slept together yet

No, no chance. It shows what kind of person they are even when single.. impossible high standards, eye for young women, sleazy, dog on heat. He will have a wandering eye and always looking for the next visual fix.. You will never feel enough.

Nomore45 · 12/05/2023 10:41

Hard no, total ick.
OF is prostitution adjacent.

QueefQueen80s · 12/05/2023 10:44

@datingred They like and follow because they feel like they are having an interaction with the hot woman, it's their ego.. they get a buzz from it. I get the public angle but I think it's really ick to do it on a fake account too. Just at all. There are many men out there who aren't like this so you don't have to settle for it.

QueefQueen80s · 12/05/2023 10:45

MaybeWednesday · 12/05/2023 09:49

So he likes looks at semi-naked girls, young enough to be his daughter and he does it publicly?

Nah! He's gross. And why would he stop if you asked him to? You knew he liked looking before you got together why should he stop?

It's like asking a smoker to stop smoking AFTER you got with them.

I don't like smokers, so don't date them. And certainly don't date middle aged men who perv at young girls.

This

QueefQueen80s · 12/05/2023 10:46

Waterbottleallthetime · 12/05/2023 10:06

You have your head in the sand if you believe he will stop just because you get into a sexual relationship with him. It will not. He’s 40 years old. This is what floats his boat. No real life woman can be a “cam girl “ all the time and really, would you want to have to spend your precious time trying to? He may not be able to get it up with a real life woman either as real life is not the fantasy cam girl is it? Run.

Yes RUN. You are in for a world of hurt, trust me.

Pollywoddles · 12/05/2023 10:54

Overtlyone · 11/05/2023 17:43

He’s 40. I don’t feel like I can ask him about it yet as it’s really early days. But if this progresses, I will definitely say something along the lines of ‘guess you won’t need to like and follow those cam girls now hey’ in a jokey way. Like I said, early days yet and just enjoying our dates up to now

Why would you get more invested in this when you don’t want him following them if you’re in a relationship with him? What happens when he says he’s not going to stop following them and you’re already in love with him?

You’re setting yourself up for a fall here. A single 40 year old that follows cam girls on his public social media would ring huge alarm bells for me. It’s obviously a concern for you if you’re posting about it, why aren’t you listening to yourself?

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