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Original poster

Claire’s Law

86 replies

Bec199923 · 10/05/2023 22:29

Hi

I’m new here! I’m wondering if anyone can help me please?

Im 23, a single mum to a 3 year old boy. There was issues with DV with his Dad and we had to live in a women’s refuge for almost a year before we was moved areas and started a new life.

We are settled and happy now and safe too and over the last 4/6 months I have been dating someone new. I haven’t introduced him to my son yet as it’s too soon but I had some concerns from what I was told by mutual friends (been told he was horrible to his ex off some people and others have said she was a liar and made things up about him) and by him (he told me his mum has a restraining order against him and he was on tag in the past but won’t tell me what for).

So, because of my history with my sons dad, and this information, I decided to do a Clare’s Law disclosure. I filled in an online form almost 3 weeks ago now but I haven’t heard a single thing since then.

Does this mean that it’s good news and they don’t have any concerns? Or will it just take a while longer? Also does anyone know if the police will contact me either way- for example if they have nothing to disclose to me will they ring me to tell me they have nothing to disclose or will I just not hear anything?

I do really like him and I’m wanting to take the next step ie introducing him to my son, but I wanted to know about the Claire’s law before I did this so I can make sure my son isn’t put through any more trauma and disruption.

Many Thanks :)

OP posts:
pineapplepancake · 14/05/2023 20:39

Well done! You're absolutely not stupid, you sound very far from it!

I'm 20 years older than you and made mistakes for many many years (my local freedom programme was fully booked too and I guess I must have fallen off the waiting list!)

I wish I'd been as level headed as you at 23!

Tellmeifimwrong · 14/05/2023 21:23

Mine took around a month and they called me for extra info then sent a letter saying they had no records or information. Please don't introduce him to your child til you get this!

BusterGonad · 15/05/2023 10:45

Tellmeifimwrong · 14/05/2023 21:23

Mine took around a month and they called me for extra info then sent a letter saying they had no records or information. Please don't introduce him to your child til you get this!

Surely if you feel the need to get this then he's not someone to even consider introducing to your child. What a low bar.

NotMyFinestMoment · 15/05/2023 11:13

You already know that he is totally unsuitable as a boyfriend/partner, and that's without doing any police checks. Surely you can't think that it's ok to introduce a man like this to your child and let him spend time around the child.

You need to raise the bar and start exercising good judgement when it comes to choosing men, otherwise you will have social services crawling all over you in a heart beat to remove your child.

Tellmeifimwrong · 15/05/2023 11:23

@BusterGonad as a single parent I would do a clare's law check on anyone I dated and I didn't even introduce them to my dc! Some of us do not have trustworthy instincts and so we use the resources out there to keep us safe.

Levithecat · 15/05/2023 15:18

Tellmeifimwrong · 15/05/2023 11:23

@BusterGonad as a single parent I would do a clare's law check on anyone I dated and I didn't even introduce them to my dc! Some of us do not have trustworthy instincts and so we use the resources out there to keep us safe.

Totally agree with this. I do one automatically now. What a brilliant thing that we can.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 15/05/2023 15:21

Bec199923 · 10/05/2023 22:36

He is 25 now, and this happened when he was 16 so nearly 10 years ago, he’s a lovely person to be around and I have had no issues with the way he is to me and treats me. I think everyone has a history and has done things that haven’t been the best but I’d like to think he has changed since he was 16 but ofc I just want to make sure of this, for mine and my sons safety and peace :)

Everyone doesn't have a history like him. Having a restraining order taken out against you and having a tag is not normal, sorry. As PP said, raise your bar.

SpringCherryPie · 15/05/2023 15:23

Run for the hills!

Seriously, everyone does not ‘have a history’ including restraining orders, red flags about how he treats Exes, tags… BIG massive huge red flags.

Namechange666 · 15/05/2023 16:08

It's only between 4 to 6 months?

No don't do it.

Throw this one back.

They are lovely in the beginning. How do you think they snare vulnerable women? And you are vulnerable, the fact that you are questioning this.

I would 100% suggest doing the freedom programme online. You have a choice who is in your lives your son doesn't.

Namechange666 · 15/05/2023 16:10

Listen to your gut, the voice that told you to do a claire's law search. That is the voice that is warning you something isn't right. Please listen to it.

BusterGonad · 15/05/2023 18:47

Tellmeifimwrong · 15/05/2023 11:23

@BusterGonad as a single parent I would do a clare's law check on anyone I dated and I didn't even introduce them to my dc! Some of us do not have trustworthy instincts and so we use the resources out there to keep us safe.

I retract my comment then, sorry if I've caused upset.

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