To text a guy when the dynamic has changed?

[ktldxox]

I met a guy at speed dating just over a month ago and we’ve been on 4 dates since. I really like him, there seemed to be good chemistry and we last saw each other on Saturday- texted loads after, really flirty, he said he had a lovely night and really wanted to see me again. I then didn’t hear from him Sunday even though we had previously been speaking every day but he did text on Monday asking how my bank holiday was and then never replied to my message back. I messaged him yesterday asking how his day was and although he did reply, the dynamic seems to have changed and his messages just felt a bit ‘off’. His replies were shorter, he wasn’t really asking me any questions and he hadn’t put “x” at the end like he previously had.

We had talked about meeting again this week, he said he was going to let me know when he was free and I was going to look at booking something I suggested. I don’t know whether to message today with some days/times for the activity I suggested or wait for him to reach out. I’m not sure whether it’s just a miscommunication and he’s waiting for me to arrange the date or whether I just need accept that it looks like he’s pulling away a bit and doing a slow fade!

I’m TERRIBLE at dating so could use some perspectives about whether I’m just overthinking this whole thing 😂

I'm afraid it sounds like it's connected to that expensive bill you paid. He knows he'd have to reciprocate and either he's not interested enough to pay that expense, or he hasn't got the cash. In any case, you're well rid of him,

Onwards and upwards 🙂.

Urgh "his card decined" how convenient and you footed an expensive bill and now he's doing a slow fade so he doesn't have to reciprocate.

That's what it looks like.

Many things can be going on here and most of them are out of your control. 1) He could be seeing someone, 2) he has realised he's "not that into you", 3) he's facing challenges at work that has his attention somewhere else, 4) he's seeing you investing in him way to fast so he's backing of a bit 5) He's emotionally handicapped (if he's English it's probably the latter).... God knows what's going on in his brain.

I would back off if I were you, besides... you've only been with this guy on 4 dates, you don't know him from Adam, he's a stranger but I'm afraid you're starting to get to know him. And it's not looking good :-(

Keep your options open and don't invest that soon on an internet stranger.

I wouldn't even dream of contacting him again. I agree with a previous poster, message to lose £100 now than a lot more later.

His card declined?! Yep he totally knew that was going to happen. You don't get to that point and still think you have a spare £100 for a meal.

He’s taking the piss with the card. He should have been offering to pay you back for his half immediately. He’s a disorganised Piss taker and you should ghost him.

After reading your update, I reckon he has no money and is embarrassed he can't afford to date, it's annoying he hasn't offered to pay you his half from the last date, I would end this if I were you anyway.

Hmmm I’d never thought about it being connected to the bill. I was happy to split the bill at the time but he made a big deal of insisting he paid (until the card declined anyway!). To his credit, he did offer to send me money at the time if I sent him my bank details or he said he would just get the next one. Since we were talking about meeting up this week I’d said oh that’s fine you just get the food next week. Maybe a bad move on reflection!

its just frustrating because he was the first guy I’d actually liked in aaaaaaages!

I would not set another date OP, just very politely send him your bank account details. This guy is skint and can’t afford to date someone like you, he knows it. He’s also afraid dating you is going to be expensive.

Oh bin him off, honestly. Ignore the hopeless romantics, no man on earth is too distracted by work not to type x onto a message to a woman he really wants to shag. The card thing is the icing on the cake. Sorry, this one just isn't for you.

Next!

Impossible to know the actual reason it it doesn't matter, he isn't pursuing you and you just have to accept it that he isn't interested. Until you're in a committed relationship and both parties have verbally articulated this, it's just dating. People change their minds.

I’m in the Don’t Text Him camp. I definitely wouldn’t anyway.

The fact that he omitted the Xs on his recent messages, speaks volumes imo.

But as I always say on these types of threads, I’m happy to be proved wrong.

I'm in the same camp as most others - don't text him. He knows how to reach him. I was dating someone very very high up in the corporate world and he found time to text me every day. An interested man will ALWAYS make the time and if they lose their phones (very unlikely scenario) they'll contact you via Facebook/LinkedIn/email to let you know straight away (real personal experience).

I meant he knows how to reach YOU

Ah, right. So when it is coming close to the time for him to take you out for a meal in return for the one you paid for, he is doing a slow fade...

He knew he didn't have the money when you were out for dinner. He still doesn't have it this week. If he did and he was just losing interest, then he would at least offer to send you what he owes from the meal. Decent people don't just walk off and let others pay for them like that.

Be thankful that you found out early what kind of guy he is, before he drained your finances further.

Personally, I wouldn't text. As someone further up said, rightly or wrongly its the man that chases in most cases. OLD for 3 years taught me this if nothing else. If you follow up he might go ahead with the date but ime it'll be half hearted and a waste of everyone's time. Don't be confused, if you want a man who plans dates with you with interest and consistency, don't pursue this one

This could be his modus operandi, free meals!

He’s just messaged saying he’s free on Saturday and asking if I want to go round to his 🙄

I’ve replied to say I wouldn’t feel comfortable going round yet and I’d rather go out somewhere so have a feeling I’ll never hear from him again now. You win some you lose some I guess 😂

Was probably hoping to save money and get a shag. Oh well, plenty more fish in the sea!

Doesn't want to have to repay the money or bring you out so he suggests his house. Ugh he sounds like a leech , bin him off right away ! Can't stand mean people

He wants a shag. Let us know if you ever hear from him again. I fear not 🤣

The “fun” of online dating, I so don’t miss it lol. My personal experience is that when dating guys from your work or social environment they tend to be more “careful” with how they behave, internet strangers know you can’t bad mouth them so they don’t give a toss.

Block delete and move on

Oh op, the only acceptable message from him was along the lines of 'im so so sorry, been mad busy at work. I owe you dinner! If you'll still have me. When suits you for me to take you out and treat you?'

Not, accept £50 off you with a lame excuse and not spoken about again, gone awol for a while with no explanation, then I'm back and now fancy a free easy shag.

Any woman who thinks his behaviour is any where near acceptable, needs to raise their bar a gazillion rungs.

He's not messaging because he has lost interest. It's as clear as day. There is no "not knowing" OP, if he was still interested you would know. Phoning or texting again is pointless and makes you look a little desperate.

Don't chase someone who doesn't want you, it will never work amd your self esteem will take a kicking.