Men who don't help women?

[Vgtasd]

I think there is a group of men who are reluctant to help a woman, almost like "she'll not use me/I'll not be made a mug of" does that make sense? Any experience of this ladies?

OP, he’s a mean person. Mean with money as well as with care and kindness. Definitely not someone you want in your life.

I had a partner once who did SFA to contribute to the running of the home etc etc.
Three things that I can remember clearly , went wrong / broke.
These three things ...
A broken shower
A broken toilet
A broken light , 10 feet high ,,,

We're the only things that I couldn't fix myself despite my best efforts.
It took him approx a year to fix them leaving us without a sec nd shower, second toilet and a bathroom in darkness .
As he was a plumber , he refused to have anyone come in and fix them but he wouldn't do the jobs himself .
My therapist at the time advised me that there was a huge element of control there .
She was right .
An utter control freak.
He was so useless , the one or two things that he was actually capable of, he refused .
Absolute deadbeat fucker

There’s no equivalence. I would help a smaller person with a heavy task, whether or not it was someone I’d normally share work with. I wouldn’t think much of DH if he left me struggling with a task beyond my height or strength.

Yes, I think men who freak about about helping (ie not choosing the activity in the first place) often happen to have issues with control. My ex who was extremely controlling would shout ‘I’m not going to do anything you ask!!’ and considered it to be degrading to be ‘told what to do’ by a woman.

He even did a bad job of taking the trash out metaphorically and still hassles me from time to time. Loser.

I think it's a sign of a stingy heart which is showing itself this way. I would get rid.

Ex used to do this sort of thing - it was definitely a control thing.

Current BF can’t do enough to help - he’ll even offer to look at / mend things I’ve not even noticed.

Your OH sounds really mean spirited not to help you, OP

The control thing rings so many bells for me. That or just being mean with their time. I have an abusive ex and I remember towards the end when the children were small, they used to get carsick. I hadn't a clue how to remove, then dismantle a carseat and wash it in the machine but my ex's response was 'wtf do you want me to do'? After the third day of doing it alone, I became used to it but I remember never ever wanting to be with someone so mean.

I'm personally always wanting to help others and can't abide those who aren't like this

I know from talking to DH some men are very careful as to when they help women because they don't want to be wrongly accused of inappropriate paternalism and or potential mansplaining xX

Surely there are two things

One is a healthy relationship where you help each other with various things.

Slightly unhealthy is the expectations game where a man is expected to do certain things because he's a man. DIy or fix the car etc. Which is what a lot on here complain about, expectation beacuse of gender etc.

I think a lot of men feel damned if you do or damned if you don't.

Stbxh rarely fails to make me regret asking for 'help'. I avoid that unless I have no other choice.

It's not about gender roles, it's about wanting to help because you care about someone. You're with the wrong person if you have to shell out cash every time they do the washing up.

Tackling the garden with your Dad sounds like quite a big ask. And maybe he felt, asking him to go upstairs to fetch you something, that you were taking the piss.
Pretty sparse evidence to accuse someone of being an incel.

The thread is from May 2023 so the problem may well be sorted by now.