One sided emotional affair? Or infatuation?

[daisychazz]

NC for this.
I have been happily married to DH for 21 years, together for 28. One DD grown up.
He really is a DH - kind, caring, has always provided for us and loves me dearly. And I love him, so so much and I cannot imagine life without him. I was young when we got together. He’s ten years older than me.
I have a part time job in an industry I absolutely love and doing something that fulfills me and keeps me going as my “day job” is boring and u fulfilling.
I work very closely with a colleague in my part time job who I have had a crush/infatuation with for five years. Colleague has no idea.
I don’t want to feel like this. If I could flick a switch and turn it off I would. I absolutely hate myself for having these feelings. I would never act on them. I am pretty sure colleague does not feel the same way. We have become very good friends, we have a lot in common and I have to work very closely with him for my part time job. We are sort of a team of two. Neither of us can move to different roles. He’s kind of the boss.
I know the most sensible option is for me to leave the part time job, but honestly, I’m pushing 50 snd I’ve never ever done a job I’ve loved, always just jobs that pay the bills.
And I truly love this job. I mean not just because of him, this is an industry I have dreamed of working in for my whole life. The job is like a dream come true. It would destroy me to quit.
But keeping all of this inside me is driving me crazy. For five years.
I plan on telling colleague how I feel tomorrow. Is this a bad idea?
For context this is not a corporate job with a contract type part time job, it’s a casual arrangement. Myself and colleague work remotely on it most evenings and weekends.
sorry for the essay!

Why on Earth would you tell him?!!!!

Telling him is such a colossally bad idea.

Why are you wanting to tell him? 'FYI I really fancy you, but nothing can ever happen' then expect to keep working together?

What would you want him to say? What do you want to happen?

I can't think of any benefits of telling him.

What has taken you to the point of wanting to tell him? What do you hope to achieve?

Honest questions to ask yourself.

Reverse it what if it was your husband saying this!

I feel like it’s chewing me up inside. I sometimes behave strangely to him at work because of my feelings, he’s such a nice person and things are really beginning to take off with the business, and I feel I owe it to him to explain my sometimes strange behaviour. It often causes conflict.

Please, for the love of all that is Holy & Good, do not do this.

As far as i can think, the only reason to tell him would be if you are going to act on these feelings.

If you are happily married as you say you are. Why would you even consider telling another man of your feelings for him! You could risk everything and for what exactly!

I just want the feelings to stop. I don’t know how to make them stop apart from not seeing colleague, and that means giving up the job. I can’t imagine life without this job it’s so good.

What sort of conflict? And what are you expecting him to say?

The only outcome you can be hoping for is he says he reciprocates your feelings and at that point you trash your marriage and your business.

If you love your husband there’s no job so amazing it’s more important to you than protecting and investing in your marriage.

If you respect your husband you don’t tell other men you love them.

I can’t imagine life without this job it’s so good.

Can you imagine life without your marriage?

For the love of all that is holy....DO NOT TELL THEM! I can almost promise you that it will end in terrible embarrassment for both parties.

Just to chime in, if you tell him and he is mortified and/or doesn't reciprocate, it will make working with him even harder. If you think it is awkward now, imagine how you will feel in the above scenario.

Sometimes I over react to things he says/does. Because of my feelings.

No.
My marriage is more important than anything.

I don't think you're being honest that you don't want anything to happen. The only reason you would be telling him is to find out if he feels the same way and then act on it.

Have you considered how much more uncomfortable and awkward it would be if you tell him how you feel and he doesn't feel the same way, then you keep working together?

Or do you feel quite certain he feels the same way?

Be completely honest with yourself.

You made a marriage vow, crushes come and go.

You're being a massive drama llama.
Telling him serves no purpose. It's just that preparing to do it is exciting and addictive and all part of the obsession.

If you hope it will make your feelings disappear, you're wrong. Only wrecking your life will make that happen. Don't be so daft! Just be a grown up and keep your gob closed and stop chasing the high.

Please don't tell him. It will makes things awkward if he doesn't feel the same way and if he does - would you have an affair?

I am around 99% sure he doesn’t feel the same way.
I like what you said about crushes come and go. But it’s been five years. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve been in a low place due to this situation. Full
of self hatred because of how I feel. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just want to do this amazing job.

Agree with @twizzlesx , ur not being honest with yourself

Imagine him having a loud pop in front of you or picking his dirty underwear up off the floor. Anything to stop it.

Poo not pop 🤣

I plan on telling colleague how I feel tomorrow. Is this a bad idea?

yes it is. Bit like pressing the self destruct button. Find another way to handle this.