If you co parent with an ex, what sort of things do you do together and how much time do you spend together?
If you partner co parents with an ex, what sort of expectations do you have around it?
For reference, I'm talking about 50 50 shared care of young children (under 9).
Do you, for example, go on trips out together leaving your partner at home? Do you spend time in ex partners home? How much phone contact do you have? Does your ex partner still ask you to help with things? (such as their car- not lifts for the kids).
Would you sit in your ex partners house overnight when they just got back from holiday while they and the kids were asleep?
What about birthdays, would you go round there to play happy families after the child has already opened their presents from you, to see them open their presents from their other parent?
What about phone calls and facetime, how often is this reasonable?
I'm current partner.. my other half seems to just spend a lot of time with his ex. I found a 'mummy' sock in the washing before that isn't mine, he claims oldest child was wearing it. She rings him all the time it feels like, and he goes to the extent of pulling the car over and getting out to talk to her so I can't hear, even though I've told him it feels weird and cagey.
She doesn't come to our house when I'm here, but he goes to hers and just lets himself in, he still has a key that he uses, and he told me even when he takes the kids back to her he just opens the door and lets himself in. The other day we argued and I had to drive past his exs to do school run, and his car was outside his exs. For her birthday she sent him a list of things like new bedding, charm for bracelet etc for herself that she wanted and he ordered it. There was a time he told me he was in a work meeting but when I drove past hers (she lives on an A road which is the only route to work for me) his car was outside her house and he wasn't in it.
He will say he's going to pick the kids up but be at her house for 1 or 2 hours.
Yesterday was one childs birthday, child opened presents at our house and then we went out together (polling so school closed). Partner then took child to exs house and spent 3 hours there..apparently while child opened presents etc. Am I wrong to think if we have time with child here opening his presents, his mum should have the same one to one time with her child? She doesn't come here at all ever. I've never met her. She pretends I'm not real and even ignores me if she sees me in the street. Partner doesn't allow me to speak to her or even be in the car when he picks the kids up.
When his nan died, he told me I wasn't welcome at the funeral as his ex would be there. His sister and his mum still spend loads of time with his ex, play dates and dinners out, visiting each others homes etc. This is all fine and and get they've known each other a long time but it feels they only bother with me if they want me to do something like mind someone's children.
More than all this though...if he ever does answer the phone and he's out with me, she gets moody with him. I've heard her ask things like 'OH is zola with you this time'. She pretends I don't exist and I think he seems to do the same when he's with her. He doesn't really answer the phone when he's with her. I've seen her in the front of his car when we were in an argument but he always has a believable excuse.
Once she phoned him about 8 times in the morning while we were still in bed, when he answered she said oh I was worried you were going to sleep through X important work thing that I know you've got today. It just felt uncomfortable and not appropriate.
I wasn't the other woman, they split before I ever knew him. I'm worried there's more going on between them, or just that he's being ridiculously disrespectful to me as I've told him that I feel like the third wheel in the relationship. He never tells me anything about her or when they disagree on things etc so it feels like I'm always on the outside and they're a little family.
I understand he needs a relationship with her, but I don't think it's necessary that he spends hours in her house, and prioritises her to the detriment of our relationship.
Am I being overly sensitive? Is this inappropriate? Please give me some perspective!