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Original poster

How do you spend your evenings?

59 replies

motherofkevinnotperry · 02/05/2023 20:16

Live with DH and 2 DC. DC are now independent in that they put themselves to bed etc and we're getting some free time back.

What's normal for a married couples to do on an evening? Do you spend time with each other, watch TV, do hobbies etc or are you apart for most of it?

I ask as DH is occupied every night from 5.30-9 in a different room to me gaming. Headphones on, not engaging in anything. Midweek it feels like this is all he does. Weekends he's spending more time gaming again in a separate room, headphones on. I feel ignored and it makes me mad but I am wondering if I'm being unfair. I personally hate gaming. If he was reading a book, gardening etc i might feel a bit better about it.

I have no point of reference as my parents weren't together and worked shifts so evenings weren't a thing. Gaming wasn't a thing. Hes early 50's and never showed any interest in gaming until a few years ago.

Am I being unfair to feel this is out of order?

OP posts:
Shapemyeyebrows · 02/05/2023 20:34

@motherofkevinnotperry He is out of order. Gaming sometimes is fine, every night and weekend is not. What’s the point in him being in a relationship if all he wants to do is ignore you and game? And what do you actually get out of the relationship if all he does is ignore you?

SittingNextToIt · 02/05/2023 20:37

Most boring answer from FT working parents of two aged 7 and 3 and a dog ….

Evenings religiously spent watching Netflix together - me lying on his shoulder and at some point falling asleep on said shoulder.

I realise we should be 1) running 2) pursuing hobbies 3) furthering careers with extra work - but alas it is ever thus :)

Some evenings we mix it up by playing charades, 20 questions and being silly soppy over the dog.

sorry we are very boring I realise :D

Cherrysherbet · 02/05/2023 20:42

Him upstairs, me downstairs watching different tv programmes. It’s the way we like it as we have very different tastes in what we watch.

We both work hard, it’s our downtime and we like it this way.

Dressshelp · 02/05/2023 20:44

We are old and knackered, so we spend it on the sofa watching tv. I sometimes have a bath and goto bed early, but that’s as exciting as it gets round here!

module · 02/05/2023 20:47

Eating, drinking, watching TV. That about covers it, with a bit of me MNing and him swearing about his football team.

alwaystea · 02/05/2023 20:48

Me lesson planning, him watching TV.

Ragwort · 02/05/2023 20:52

I was just thinking about this earlier, hate to admit it but I find evenings with my DH rather boring (and am absolutely sure he feels the same about me). I've had a busy day, was volunteering at 8am, worked half a day, visited a nearby city, had lunch out (on my own), did some shopping, back to work for an hour, got home around 5pm and then ... nothing really .. read a book, more mumsnetting, exchanged a few messages with friends, had a bath, had a nap, DH now watching some football on tv, I am in the kitchen mumsnetting again, with a glass of wine & a light supper .. wondering how soon I can go to bed. I should have gone out for a walk now that the evenings are lighter but sometimes find it hard to motivate myself. I think I am very dull and boring. Of course I could do some housework, read something for my book club, do something more stimulating but I just seem to sit around Sad.

Disco2023 · 02/05/2023 20:56

No kids. I work shifts so sometimes home later but most nights on the sofa catching up watching tv.

I’ve no issues with gaming my partner likes it but he wouldn’t isolate himself every day to do it.

BreviloquentBastard · 02/05/2023 20:58

I don't think there is a normal really. It's whatever works for you.

For us, once dinner and chores are done, it depends on the day. Most evenings we'll snuggle on the sofa for an hour and watch something or talk or play a game together, then drift off to do our own thing. Sometimes that's gaming in separate rooms, or reading, watching something, walking the dogs, exercising.. For me maybe something crafty, he might go do something in the garden. We're both quite introverted and both like spending time alone to recharge. Thankfully so does our teenage daughter so we're all quite happy in our own bubbles.

Out of interest, why would reading or gardening be fine but gaming is annoying?

casingchars · 02/05/2023 21:00

A normal week is varied, with things like zoom meet ups of different clubs/groups/friends/family, studying (DW ), prepping for an interview/applying for jobs (me), ferrying teens, reading, TV or a film, an evening walk, or an early night. We usually spend the time together where we can, otherwise we are passing ships in the night and it isn't much fun.

Iamblossom · 02/05/2023 21:02

DH and I watch TV together mostly. Currently binging The Lost Kingdom which is 5 seasons so that will keep us busy for a while.

Sometimes he watches football if his team are playing, and I will mn on ipad with Spotify on my headphones or read kindle, but always in the same room.

If he was gaming in another room every evening it would piss me off. No question. Very unsociable.

Fairislefandango · 02/05/2023 21:06

We get home at 6 ish and have dinner at 7 or 7:30. Once dinner is done and cleared up, we do various hobby things - musical instrument practice (dh), knitting / crochet/ spinning (me), play a board game, watch a film or more often a series (sometimes with teen dc). Dh does play computer games, but in the living room, where I'm usually knitting etc.

So it's a bit of a mixture of us all doing things together and separate things, but often in the same room for at least some of the time. I certainly wouldn't be happy if dh shut himself away for 3.5 hours every evening! He wouldn't be happy if I did either.

ohfook · 02/05/2023 21:10

Both on sofa. I usually leave my phone in another room otherwise I'd just sit and scroll. He watches some absolute trash on the tv and I read (or, like tonight, sit and scroll!)

Notanothernewname · 02/05/2023 21:12

My ex was like that, I used to go upstairs at 8pm after Eastenders. I made him buy a fucking big TV for the bedroom. He used to talk all the way through things I wanted to watch, or make us go out so I never got to watch what I wanted on 'his TV'.

I hated it and I hated gaming. I will never date a gamer ever again.

Louisetopaz21 · 02/05/2023 21:13

MY DH and I have tea and watch the news and then cuddle up with a glass of wine. We love being together and chatting about our day. My ex husband spent his evenings and days gaming hence why he is an ex

ActDottie · 02/05/2023 21:18

I hate gaming. So glad my husband doesn’t do it.

Mon - Thursday is spent doing various forms exercise - husband does hobby while I run with dogs.

Friday I actually have a gym class but I’m back by 7 and we have dinner.

Always have dinner at table then watch maybe one hour of tv before bed.

weekends we eat a bit earlier and then watch a film.

DustyLee123 · 02/05/2023 21:19

So he’s doing this while the kids are up ?

GoodnightJude1 · 02/05/2023 21:25

DH is home from work about 5. DC are usually having dinner when he gets in and he’ll chat to them about their day while they’re eating. They usually head up to their rooms about 6 to do homework/chat to friends/shower etc.
We then either go to the gym/swimming together then come home and have dinner and watch tv together. DH might be doing paperwork, I might be ironing etc but always in the same room and chatting.

Original poster
motherofkevinnotperry · 02/05/2023 21:32

Yes he's doing it while kids are awake.

I'm getting very little from our marriage because he's pumping all his energy into imaginary worlds trying to win.

I find gaming unattractive, always have but I'm currently married to a gamer 🙄.

I think my main issue is that he's not present or invested in our relationship or our future and he's not spending enough quality time with any of us. I do need to accept he's now gaming but my problem is how he's investing more in it than us and that's an issue. I can accept it as a hobby but it's becoming between us.

This is the 3rd time I will have had to address this with him. The thing is I love a binge watch, a good book etc but I'm present and I can stop when needed. He's not present and I get the rage when he tells me "I'll just finish this game" because frankly his family are more important than an online game anyday.

I've told him it's making me miserable and if he doesn't change it then we won't last. I'm not spending my days with someone who put games first.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 02/05/2023 21:34

I just don’t see how a grown man can put gaming before his kids, it’s pathetic, and not attractive.

OneCup · 02/05/2023 21:35

After DC are in bed, we eat in front of the telly. I might occasionally have to do some work but it's rare.

Uurrjb · 02/05/2023 21:37

We do our own thing but 530 is too early to check out in my opinion

midlifecd · 02/05/2023 21:37

I put the kids to bed around 9 then do a bit of Mumsnet then fall asleep around 10 Blush DH watches telly
It's a bit boring and probably doesn't do our marriage much favours

Silvergoldandglitter · 02/05/2023 21:40

Our weekdays look like this...
Go to the gym together, go to running club together, watch football together, have a night with friends on our own and have a night catching up on TV we watch together.

OneAndDon3 · 02/05/2023 21:41

We do some work, cook dinner, watch some TV together, play with the dog. I sometimes work on a project around the house DIY or gardening. Occasionally one of us will go out. Sometimes one of us will game alone while the other has an early night, sometimes we'll game together. Not often and the idea of being unavailable to support the other or the family for a computer game would be unacceptable.

Absence from family time shouldn't be consistent and selfish like that.