How do you spend your evenings?

[motherofkevinnotperry]

Live with DH and 2 DC. DC are now independent in that they put themselves to bed etc and we're getting some free time back.

What's normal for a married couples to do on an evening? Do you spend time with each other, watch TV, do hobbies etc or are you apart for most of it?

I ask as DH is occupied every night from 5.30-9 in a different room to me gaming. Headphones on, not engaging in anything. Midweek it feels like this is all he does. Weekends he's spending more time gaming again in a separate room, headphones on. I feel ignored and it makes me mad but I am wondering if I'm being unfair. I personally hate gaming. If he was reading a book, gardening etc i might feel a bit better about it.

I have no point of reference as my parents weren't together and worked shifts so evenings weren't a thing. Gaming wasn't a thing. Hes early 50's and never showed any interest in gaming until a few years ago.

Am I being unfair to feel this is out of order?

We’re pretty low key. We play with the DC, help with homework, read with them and have dinner together as a family.

When the DC are in bed we will very often watch some tv, or we’ll play cards/chess/ a board game together. If the weather is especially nice we’ll sit out the garden with a glass of wine/beer and chat.

We all eat supper together (older DC) then usually chores/more work for a bit and sit in front of telly usually 9-10pm. Always go to bed at the same time, it’s a thing for DH

DH doesn’t game but is addicted to DIY. Which sounds great but in reality has it’s own annoyances

I know how you feel. I left him because I realised he would never change. I won't have kids now as I'm too old, and it hurts to type that, but I also left because I didn't want to have kids with someone like that, amongst other reasons.

It's really simple OP. If he wanted to spend time with you or the children, he would. He is making an active choice not to.

If he’s doing it midweek and weekends, that’s fine to me. Gives you 4 nights a week together?

Tonight: dh cooked and I cleaned. We ate dinner with kids..older teens. Dd went to work. Dh took ds1 to youth club and I finished cleaning. We watched quiz show with ds2. I popped over to dm's for a chat. Dh collected ds1. Dd came home with her boyfriend and all 6 of us watched Race Across The World. Cleared up and went to bed.
Sometimes we go for a walk. I have book group or meet friends to exercise. Dh goes for a drink with friends.
Last weekend we went for walks, had lunch out and went to the cinema.
Dh loves reading and some nights will spend all evening upstairs reading. I will point out that I feel a bit ignored if I don't see him all night when he's in the same house, so he'll then make the effort to come down for a bit.

We talk with quite a lot with each other.He plays his games for about 1h while I read my book for the book club.We also like to sit in front of the fire in the garden.We both also like to watch YouTube in bed before falling asleep.

I'm sad for you OP. That's not a relationship.

The evenings DH and I aren't working / out with friends we have dinner together, watch TV, have a drink in the garden, play a game, listen to music. I can't imagine him sitting in another room every night.

We cook dinner together and eat it whilst watching Eastenders (nightly ritual). I have a long bath and DH watches TV. Every couple of nights we get the hamsters out for a run. Usually have a giggle in bed about something silly.
DD is away at uni but when she’s home we do different things.

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