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Original poster

How do you spend your evenings?

59 replies

motherofkevinnotperry · 02/05/2023 20:16

Live with DH and 2 DC. DC are now independent in that they put themselves to bed etc and we're getting some free time back.

What's normal for a married couples to do on an evening? Do you spend time with each other, watch TV, do hobbies etc or are you apart for most of it?

I ask as DH is occupied every night from 5.30-9 in a different room to me gaming. Headphones on, not engaging in anything. Midweek it feels like this is all he does. Weekends he's spending more time gaming again in a separate room, headphones on. I feel ignored and it makes me mad but I am wondering if I'm being unfair. I personally hate gaming. If he was reading a book, gardening etc i might feel a bit better about it.

I have no point of reference as my parents weren't together and worked shifts so evenings weren't a thing. Gaming wasn't a thing. Hes early 50's and never showed any interest in gaming until a few years ago.

Am I being unfair to feel this is out of order?

OP posts:
katniss44 · 02/05/2023 21:43

Chores until about 6/7. Putting the littlest to bed, tidying up toys, washing up. Dh cooks and we eat with older dc about 7pm then watch a tween appropriate tv series with them. When they go to bed around 9 we'll watch something more adult focused on Netflix or Amazon. Usually in bed by 10:30. Same at the weekend except we throw in a takeaway and a bottle of wine.

One night a week dh will game from about 6 until bedtime and that night I watch a series of my own, read, do yoga and mindlessly scroll. I enjoy that time but would be fed up if he did it every single night.

Original poster
motherofkevinnotperry · 02/05/2023 21:43

DustyLee123 · 02/05/2023 21:34

I just don’t see how a grown man can put gaming before his kids, it’s pathetic, and not attractive.

He's very good with the kids and does give them time if needed but they're not really bothered anymore. They're more interested in their friends and own social lives.

A grown man gaming does nothing for me at all. Never had, never will!

OP posts:
Original poster
motherofkevinnotperry · 02/05/2023 21:45

katniss44 · 02/05/2023 21:43

Chores until about 6/7. Putting the littlest to bed, tidying up toys, washing up. Dh cooks and we eat with older dc about 7pm then watch a tween appropriate tv series with them. When they go to bed around 9 we'll watch something more adult focused on Netflix or Amazon. Usually in bed by 10:30. Same at the weekend except we throw in a takeaway and a bottle of wine.

One night a week dh will game from about 6 until bedtime and that night I watch a series of my own, read, do yoga and mindlessly scroll. I enjoy that time but would be fed up if he did it every single night.

It's every night and it's rubbish.

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 02/05/2023 22:11

In the summer we go out for a walk after tea maybe every other evening. Get some fresh air and chat about our days.

I like board games. Dh less so, not he still plays.

Tv, MNetting, we read. Nice.

Ragwort · 03/05/2023 07:48

What do you want to do in the evenings ... I honestly enjoy my evenings more if my DH is out Blush I can watch what I want on tv without having to 'compromise' on a programme, I can potter around with a number of different 'activities' on the go .. I don't know why but there seems to be an 'assumption' that we should spend the evening together when in reality I am much happier on my own.
There is something about gaming which does seem unattractive if you are not a gamer, my DH isn't into gaming at all but I have no issue if he is out playing golf, meeting friends etc ... maybe because he is out of the house Grin.

AssertiveGertrude · 03/05/2023 07:50

We usually have stuff to do - bringing kids to football or I go swimming or we do diy (renovating a home in final stage)

but always by 9 we sit together and have mug of tea and watch something eg series on tv or the news or Netflix

by that stage we are both fairly tired

shivawn · 03/05/2023 07:59

I'm a nurse so I don't get home until after 9pm on work days and normally go straight to bed so we don't spend every evening together but days I'm off work we usually do.

We have a toddler so we normally go to the park across the road with him and the dog after dinner so they can have a run around and then we spend the evening watching tv together. Probably watch too much tv especially when the evenings are bright now but I'm pregnant and quite low energy so don't have the motivation to do anything more exciting.

Notanothernewname · 03/05/2023 08:10

I think with gaming it's because they've got their headset on and are talking to other people (I used to get told to 'shush' or 'shut up' if I dared say anything if he was gaming). Whereas with reading a book or gardening you can actually talk to them.

Fandabedodgy · 03/05/2023 08:23

Married with 13 and 9 yo
Driving the kids to and fro to clubs
Watching Netflix or prime
Sometimes gin and sex

Mephisneon · 03/05/2023 08:29

We've been together 19 years, no children. We spend most of our evenings and weekends together. Outside of chores, diy and seeing friends. We don't have to be together, and do have independent hobbies in the house. But we might have to off hour here or there doing them at home.

We go out together too, to the pub or cinema, for food or walks normally at leat one evening a week and at the weekend.

To me this is a normal amount of time spent together.

BHRK · 03/05/2023 08:33

We watch a box set together or a film for 1-2 hours then do our own thing. But I think that time together watching a show we both like is important. It’s time spent together and we’re often having a little chat somewhere along the way.
I literally would barely see him unless we did this

Cupoftea80 · 03/05/2023 08:42

I think the issue is it’s every night. We occasionally have nights when we’re doing something else- sometimes I have lots of marking to do, sometimes DH is out doing sports or meeting a friend. I think we both quite enjoy an occasional evening to ourselves- he gets to catch up on Star Trek, I usually watch old episodes of Friends 🤣. But that’s because it’s a novelty- I’d say at least 5 out of 7 evenings a week we spend it together. Usually watching a box set, sometimes just having a glass of wine and chatting. I’d hate it if I was spending every evening alone.

Ragwort · 03/05/2023 08:45

I think it's nice if you can genuinely find a tv series or film that you both enjoy, but my DH have such different tastes that it's hard to find something we both want to watch and we seem to spend endless time discussing what to watch ... flicking through the channels, Netflix, Prime etc etc but by the time we can actually agree on something it's too late.

LuluCurl · 03/05/2023 08:49

No issue with gaming but that’s a lot and he’s not spending any time with you.

We spend some evenings or parts of evenings doing our own thing. That’s sometimes gaming for my partner but we also both go out with friends, read, watch different things in separate rooms.

But we spend at least a few evenings a week together or part of the evening, chatting or watching something, taking the dogs out, going for a run, going out for a meal, cinema, theatre etc. Also with the kids, they’re 14+ but they’ll join us on a dog walk, watch a film with us, come out for a meal or just chat.

Lcb123 · 03/05/2023 08:51

I’d not put up with personally when it’s every night. Each evening is different sometimes one of us has a hobby or sees friends. Or we go to cinema or dinner together. Occasionally we watch tv in separate rooms but max one night a weeks. Do you not have dinner together as a family?

Buildingthefuture · 03/05/2023 09:01

We are very boring. Get in from work, sort the dogs. Make dinner together then clean up together then watch TV….together 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Sometimes I will read whilst he watches something crap (usually football) but, unless we are out with respective friends, we do most things together….which is a bit tragic I think, but how we like it!

hopeishere · 03/05/2023 10:14

I walk the dog after we've had dinner. Then we watch tv or I'll have a bat and read in the same room. DH loves watching tv and always wants it on I can take it or leave it. Sometimes I'll go to bed to read.

ClarissaExplainsSome · 03/05/2023 10:35

3 out of 5 weeknights we tend to chill together after the little one is in bed.. the other 2 one of us might go to the gym / meet friends etc.

Not prescriptive but that's how it generally turns out.

I'd not be having that every night and at the weekend. He needs to grow up.

Does he not even help with the kids? Who cooks dinner?!

StonwEd · 03/05/2023 14:42

Sunday - cooking, one drink in the pub, eat, tv
Monday - weds, one of us cooks, both do our workouts, tv
thurs - cook for my dad
Friday and sat - depends but we’ll see friends/ family one of them, maybe a meal out the other one
we might also see friends one night in the week.
i adore our TV nights (tonight is one!) we watch loads of stuff together, but also have our own genres we like, so sometimes one of us goes upstairs to watch

StonwEd · 03/05/2023 14:42

Oh and I know adults game (I don’t actually know any myself) but it’s not something I could put up with in a relationship, we just wouldn’t have it in common

DucksNewburyport · 03/05/2023 14:54

I think that's rubbish OP. Would he agree to cut it down so it's some nights, not every night?

Original poster
motherofkevinnotperry · 03/05/2023 20:02

I don't want to spend every night with him but there's a definite need for balance. We spoke last night again. I told him I've had enough and I won't be staying if things don't change but it's down to him do it.

I feel tonight has been a bit better. He's been online for about an hour. I've gone gardening etc, he's dealt with the animals and now he's going to do some exercises before we watch TV together at 9.

It's a start. We still need our own lives and interests but he'd got to invest in us.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 03/05/2023 20:20

Yeah it’s a start; see if he keeps it up. I don’t really see gaming as an issue in itself; dh and I both game but we do some together

Our weeknights are usually dinner around half 7/8 and then some tv or Nintendo then bed for me around 10, him around 11- separate rooms

TransparentVision · 03/05/2023 20:51

Most nights, we have dinner 6.30-7. Chat about each others' day and snuggle up on the couch, watch TV and head off to bed around 10. A couple of nights a week we go to judo.

Kinkyboots2023 · 03/05/2023 22:23

Together on the whole. Watching something together, chatting, playing board games, very occasionally playing a computer game together, cooking together, chatting, sex. We spend a huge amount of time together, but do both have our own things too. On average once a week one of us is out on on evening. This week he's out Friday and I'm out Saturday, so I will probably just chill out Friday night, but he will use Saturday night to game or work because I'm not here. He doesn't game if I am. If it bothers you absolutely raise it with your partner, maybe you can make specific time for things to do together.

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