Long story so will try to keep to the point.
Nearly 20 years ago when at uni, I met and fell in love with someone from another country. He's from a very traditional culture where arranged marriage is the norm.
We were friends all through uni before the romance side of things happened.
Long story but also his family (back home in native country) knew about me being his friend, they were against the romance and threatened him with all sorts of nasty stuff - emotional blackmail. He wouldn't stand up to them, despite claiming he would and promising me the earth. Claimed he wanted to marry me and would tell parents to deal with it.
After graduation (PhD) he went home to his native country in the Middle East and had an arranged marriage. Entirely predictable, no surprises there.
I cut off contact with him, mainly out of respect for his wife and because I needed to recover from all the heartache he'd caused me.
This was in around 2005.
Around 10 after that, he emailed me out of the blue saying he was returning to the UK for a work-related trip (alone) and asked if I'd like to meet. I declined as it felt totally disrespectful to his wife. He then sent a long rambly email about all his regrets, wishing how he'd stood up for himself and for me. Wishing he'd been strong enough to refuse the unwanted arranged marriage and so on.
I replied that he'd made his choices so had to live with them and that I no longer wanted to be friends (because he'd never taken any ownership or responsibility for all heartache he'd caused me).
All went quiet.
Then, around 6 months ago he got in touch out of the blue again, pouring his heart out. I ignored it.
His emails have carried on coming about 3or 4 times a week for the last 6 months. I've got tired of reading. Around 3 months ago he made reference to a "people tracing agency" based in UK that specialises in tracing long lost friends and that he was thinking of hiring them to "find" me.
Fast forward to last week, I received (at my home address), a letter from said agency! All official and I've contact them as well as researched to check it's all bona-fide. All check out legitimate.
Ex has paid a fortune for this to happen - I looked at their costs out of curiousity.
Sounds like he's told them I'm "an old friend" rather than any of the rest of the story.
I'm so upset that he's disrespecting his wife in such a way, writing all those (unanswered) emails to me over last 6 months, complaining about his regrets and decisions.
How do I deal with the agency - do I tell them the story from my position. It's unlikely he will have told them anything about being unhappily married and trying to track down his ex because he's missing me.
It all feels very delicate.
I've done a bit of googling and FB detective work... I've found someone who I think is his wife but I've no idea if she speaks English. Do I contact her? Or just tell the agency the full story and let them (hopefully) shame him into stopping.