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Original poster

How does it make you feel when your dp checks out other women?

100 replies

Lifeafternarcabuse · 30/04/2023 20:03

That's it really guys....how do you feel when your dp checks out other women in front of you?

Noticed my dp doing it a few times and everytime I kind of feel abit shit....nothing major but it gets to me and makes me question myself.... just wanted to compare my feelings with others really .... thanks all

OP posts:
Mammalys · 01/05/2023 12:01

YouAreNotBatman · 01/05/2023 11:51

I’m amazed by this, not a compliment btw.
Celebrate women? By ogling them, objectifying them?
What about ugly women? How do you ’celebrate’ them, or do they not deserve that?
But anyway, this is beyong weird comment.

Show quote history

Did you read the things I rated as attractive? Theyre nothing to do with being attractive according to societies expectations.

QueefQueen80s · 01/05/2023 12:03

I wouldn't be with someone who did this.

QueefQueen80s · 01/05/2023 12:05

CatNamedBob · 30/04/2023 20:20

He doesn't. It's sleazy and disrespectful to me and to the other woman.

When I was young and hot (those days are behind me now!) I was always grossed out by men checking me out when with their parter and felt bad for the partner.

Same, it's constant (not because I'm gorgeous, they just can't seem to not look at other women) while the wife or girlfriend is oblivious. Gross.

lopsidedgrin · 01/05/2023 12:10

I wouldn't mind the odd look or if she was particularly lovely I'd probably say so too. I did, however, go out with one guy who seemed to check out any half decent looking women, not even in a leering way, but a longer glance and it gave me the enormous ick. Haven't noticed it in anyone since.

Phoebo · 01/05/2023 12:49

Phoebo · 01/05/2023 10:09

I find it enormously disrespectful. Yes, we all notice attractive people, but if he's choosing to be obvious about it, it's a "no" from me. I find it quite disgusting actually, especially given when I was younger I was often the recipient if unwanted "checking out".

This has also made me realise that it can depend on who you are with. I was with one man who made me think I was his world and I believed him, he did occasionally flirt and it didn't bother me, and I remember even pointing out attractive women! After him, I was with someone who thought the same, but I didn't believe him. I was very insecure in this relationship and very jealous. I didn't feel special with him. So maybe there's something in that as well (feeling confident and secure in yourself).

Greenfairydust · 01/05/2023 12:51

@OhwhyOY · Yesterday 20:04
''It doesn't bother me at all, it's a natural behaviour, as long as it's subtle and not some disgusting leer.''

It isn't ''natural behaviour''.

It is both disrespectful to the woman you are with and the woman you are looking at...

I personally don't want somebody else's partner checking me out while I am in a public place and going about my business.

It isn't OK to perv at women this way.

Also your focus should be on the woman you are with.

I am really tired of this internalised misogyny that excuses poor behaviour from men and pretend the poor dears just can't help themselves...

knittingaddict · 01/05/2023 12:57

He's never done it, or certainly not in an obvious pervy way and I'm fairly observant.

My daughter's ex on the other hand would do it blatantly and disrespectfully in front of her all the time. He was abusive in many other ways too.

I think it's an awful thing to do when you are with your partner and would think him a complete arse for doing it. I wouldn't be with someone who couldn't control himself.

QueefQueen80s · 01/05/2023 13:05

Greenfairydust · 01/05/2023 12:51

@OhwhyOY · Yesterday 20:04
''It doesn't bother me at all, it's a natural behaviour, as long as it's subtle and not some disgusting leer.''

It isn't ''natural behaviour''.

It is both disrespectful to the woman you are with and the woman you are looking at...

I personally don't want somebody else's partner checking me out while I am in a public place and going about my business.

It isn't OK to perv at women this way.

Also your focus should be on the woman you are with.

I am really tired of this internalised misogyny that excuses poor behaviour from men and pretend the poor dears just can't help themselves...

Think these womens standards are through the floor.

knittingaddict · 01/05/2023 13:11

Mammalys · 01/05/2023 11:36

I am AMAZED by this thread!!

It is so natural to look at someone and admire if they're attractive. I always see beautiful women and I will point them out to my partner because it's important to celebrate women. I point out women who have nice legs, nice bum, nice hair, cool outfits. I point out women because they have a kind face or a great energy. I tell women they are gorgeous all the time. And no, im not lesbian or bi. It doesnt bother me one bit if my partner looks too.

There's a lot of people here that feel threatened by what comes naturally to all humans.

Wow. I, and I'm sure the majority of women, do NOT want you pointing out our nice bum 😡or celebrating us (whatever the fuck that means). What patronising, objectifying BS.

Suspect this must be a goady post because I'm amazed any woman thinks like this.

Clymene · 01/05/2023 13:14

Yuck.

Dj2020 · 01/05/2023 13:54

I had an ex who would blatantly I mean BLATANTLY look at other women. Even on my birthday turning around to look at a woman walk past in front on my friends I was so embarrassed. Leaning over me to check someone out walking down the street in the side mirror. It's very sad and it's given me a complex even though this is 15 years ago when I was 20 lol its horrible and disrespectful and I wouldn't put up with it again and I haven't

QueefQueen80s · 01/05/2023 13:59

Mammalys · 01/05/2023 11:36

I am AMAZED by this thread!!

It is so natural to look at someone and admire if they're attractive. I always see beautiful women and I will point them out to my partner because it's important to celebrate women. I point out women who have nice legs, nice bum, nice hair, cool outfits. I point out women because they have a kind face or a great energy. I tell women they are gorgeous all the time. And no, im not lesbian or bi. It doesnt bother me one bit if my partner looks too.

There's a lot of people here that feel threatened by what comes naturally to all humans.

Weird.

Mortimercat · 01/05/2023 14:17

I expect he sometimes looks at women, but never noticeably in my presence.

Maray1967 · 01/05/2023 14:37

AllOfThemWitches · 30/04/2023 20:27

Mine would have to be a fucking idiot to do that in front of me.

Same here.

wheresmymojo · 01/05/2023 14:50

He doesn't. Ever. I've never, ever seen him check out another woman in front of me in the eight years we've been together.

I wouldn't check out another man in front of him either.

I'd consider it exceedingly rude and disrespectful and it would be a 'three strikes and you're out' for me.

PousseyNotMoira · 01/05/2023 14:59

Mammalys · 01/05/2023 12:01

Did you read the things I rated as attractive? Theyre nothing to do with being attractive according to societies expectations.

Show quote history

You think nice legs and a nice bum are nothing to do with being attractive according to society’s expectations? Yes, you are objectifying them. That is not ‘celebrating women’.

MyTruthIsOut · 01/05/2023 17:04

Mammalys · 01/05/2023 11:36

I am AMAZED by this thread!!

It is so natural to look at someone and admire if they're attractive. I always see beautiful women and I will point them out to my partner because it's important to celebrate women. I point out women who have nice legs, nice bum, nice hair, cool outfits. I point out women because they have a kind face or a great energy. I tell women they are gorgeous all the time. And no, im not lesbian or bi. It doesnt bother me one bit if my partner looks too.

There's a lot of people here that feel threatened by what comes naturally to all humans.

This can’t be serious?

So not only do you objectify women by pointing out their nice bum or nice legs, but you actually encourage men to do it too?

What a great way to celebrate women….

Pinkplasticbathcup · 01/05/2023 17:11

He doesn’t. Not that I’ve ever noticed. Ex’s have and I hasn’t generally bothered me. I guess it depends how he’s doing it. A quick look at someone who’s really attractive is fairly normal. Proper leering, no, I would find that disrespectful

bumblingbovine49 · 01/05/2023 17:17

I have never been in a long term relation with anyone who does this in front of me. When I have dated someone who does it has put me off them and induced the ick factor quite quickly in me. I have no illusions that men don't notice other women but I prefer them to be discreet about it when they are with me . I just don't find it attractive.

Mephisneon · 01/05/2023 17:28

He doesn't. Couldn't be with someone like that. It's sad you seem to think this is quite normal.

TwoMonthsOff · 01/05/2023 17:29

I don’t have one but it would make me feel dis-respected and depressed and would make me dislike him intensely

SpringCherryPie · 01/05/2023 17:35

My Ex did this, he thought he was doing it in a ‘classy’ way, and would pay other women the odd compliment. He was an arrogant man who thought that all women and men loved compliments. He had no sense that there are boundaries or lines that you don’t cross. He even did this while I was pregnant. Turned out he was also cheating on me - so now I see it as a massive red flag.

Men who do this are actually saying ‘I’m a really virile man and that means I can notice other attractive women, because I’d be in with a chance with any of them’. They are directly commenting on their wishes to be attractive to a lot of women. Which is not great if you’ve supposed to committed to just one.

BodyKeepingScore · 01/05/2023 17:36

I have no issue with this. It's unrealistic to think he would never find another person physically attractive, in the same way I'm able to find someone physically attractive.
It's no indication of how much either of us love the other, nor would either of us ever cheat.
We both have eyes, some people are just attractive 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't find it insulting at all tbh. No different than watching a movie and me appreciating Bradley Cooper or someone else.

QueefQueen80s · 01/05/2023 17:42

SpringCherryPie · 01/05/2023 17:35

My Ex did this, he thought he was doing it in a ‘classy’ way, and would pay other women the odd compliment. He was an arrogant man who thought that all women and men loved compliments. He had no sense that there are boundaries or lines that you don’t cross. He even did this while I was pregnant. Turned out he was also cheating on me - so now I see it as a massive red flag.

Men who do this are actually saying ‘I’m a really virile man and that means I can notice other attractive women, because I’d be in with a chance with any of them’. They are directly commenting on their wishes to be attractive to a lot of women. Which is not great if you’ve supposed to committed to just one.

I agree with this, they want to be noticed by all these random women so their fragile male egos can be satisfied, while totally alienating the woman who they are with.

5128gap · 02/05/2023 12:24

Mammalys · 01/05/2023 11:36

I am AMAZED by this thread!!

It is so natural to look at someone and admire if they're attractive. I always see beautiful women and I will point them out to my partner because it's important to celebrate women. I point out women who have nice legs, nice bum, nice hair, cool outfits. I point out women because they have a kind face or a great energy. I tell women they are gorgeous all the time. And no, im not lesbian or bi. It doesnt bother me one bit if my partner looks too.

There's a lot of people here that feel threatened by what comes naturally to all humans.

The thought of you pointing out women's bums and legs for your partner to admire is extremely unpleasant. It's bad enough knowing that men are looking at us and our daughters and seeing body parts, without knowing that other woman are egging them on. You may think you're being cool, secure and enlightened with this carry on, but encouraging the objectation and often discomforting of other women (we see you!) under the veil of 'celebration' is very distasteful. Admiration of a hairstyle or outfit woman to woman is entirely different to men ogling (usually young) women's bodies. You must know this?

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