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Original poster

How does it make you feel when your dp checks out other women?

100 replies

Lifeafternarcabuse · 30/04/2023 20:03

That's it really guys....how do you feel when your dp checks out other women in front of you?

Noticed my dp doing it a few times and everytime I kind of feel abit shit....nothing major but it gets to me and makes me question myself.... just wanted to compare my feelings with others really .... thanks all

OP posts:
bomanicious · 30/04/2023 20:39

I'm sure my husband notices other women, but as long as we've been together, I've never clocked him doing it.

BreadInCaptivity · 30/04/2023 20:40

It doesn't make me feel anything because he doesn't do it.

He wouldn't be my DH if he did.

It's perfectly easy to note someone is attractive without "checking them out" in a sleazy and obvious way which disrespects not only your partner but also the person being ogled at.

It just sleezy and gives me the ick.

gentlemum · 30/04/2023 20:42

I think a glance or even a brief second glance is normal natural behaviour and those saying their husbands have never done this are just oblivious, all men do it and all women do it too. But if it's more than just a glance and is making you feel uncomfortable then it's disrespectful and possibly worth a conversation (even with the denials of saying he didn't see a woman there, just say he can deny it all he wants but you saw him do it and it's making you feel rubbish).

JamSandle · 30/04/2023 20:43

I've never seen him do it. But we all find other people attractive. It's just normal.

DoingALeicester · 30/04/2023 20:44

Never, ever seen him do this. Probably notices but I have certainly never seen any evidence.

Shitsandwiches · 30/04/2023 20:45

I remember my XH doing this blatantly sometimes and it once reduced me to a blubbering wreck. I was so young and naive I remember thinking that even though it really hurt me, it was me who was the problem, I was jealous and insecure. I didn't realise he was deliberately making me jealous and insecure. Oh how I learned .....he's thankfully an ex now.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 30/04/2023 20:45

He doesn't. At least not in front of me anyway

Catlord · 30/04/2023 20:52

I don't think anyone can help having their eye caught for a moment but looking repeatedly, staring, leering- ew. I'd expect someone old enough for a relationship to be mature enough to control themselves out of respect for me and the woman in question.

If I've noticed a man doing it a lot in early days, it's put me off. Over longer relationships then I don't mind once or twice seeing a loving partner have their eye caught by someone lovely looking as long as I trust them.

What I don't like is general behaviour such as gawping, and commenting regularly on other women's looks that suggests one has a wandering eye. I've let this slide in the past and while it hasn't necessarily always led to cheating, it's always meant they weren't ready for a relationship (or at least one with me). That's a red flag for me.

Alcemeg · 30/04/2023 21:01

My DH doesn't check women out generally, but years ago we were drunk in a hotel lift and he was so fascinated by the arse of the woman getting out that he followed her in a trance, not noticing it wasn't our floor. I had to grab him back. We still laugh about it now.

YunaBalloon · 30/04/2023 21:04

OhwhyOY · 30/04/2023 20:04

It doesn't bother me at all, it's a natural behaviour, as long as it's subtle and not some disgusting leer.

This.

You can't help noticing someone and finding them attractive.

StarDolphins · 30/04/2023 21:10

I do t mind a quick glance/appreciation of a good looking person is bad & I think that’s pretty normal. I’m pretty easy going.

Whats not ok is gawping like a horny teenager. Sleazy & very off putting, especially a middle aged man/young girl.

When I was 17-25 I noticed a lot of older/middle aged men staring at me that were with their wives/kids & I used to just think yuck🤢

I don’t think I’ve ever stared at a man while out.

Mortenharkettsgirl · 30/04/2023 21:14

I remember walking down the street with my friend. We were about 18. A man rolled down the window of his car and yelled, 'Hi Girls'. His wife and children were in the car with him. He was an awful toad to do that.
While out in car, XH used to look at women on the street and check them out in rear view mirror for a better look. I drew it to his attention and he used to dismiss me. Xh is physically very unattractive to look at. It used to enrage me on a cellular level. It wasn't a jealously thing, it was more about the lack of care and attention he gave to me.

Thepossibility · 30/04/2023 21:44

He doesn't really, unless I point out someone particularly stunning.
Of course he might if I'm not there.
I look at attractive people too, it's natural. So I feel fine with it.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 30/04/2023 22:01

wombridgewalkabout · 30/04/2023 20:35

This frankly. Its just massively rude to check out other people when you are with your partner. Do it in your own time not when you are with your partner.

Show quote history

I agree.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/04/2023 22:08

It really depends on how they do it
everyone finds other people attractive

I’ve even joked and said ‘look at her ‘ when someone’s gorgeous

but it’s HOW they do it

Daisydu · 30/04/2023 22:09

He doesn’t. And you don’t have to stand for that either

NotNowGertrude · 30/04/2023 22:10

My ex would do this blatantly in front of me despite me telling me how uncomfortable it made me feel. Turns out he was a serial cheat

Tiredmum100 · 30/04/2023 22:20

My husband never does this. If he did I would not be happy. It's fine and normal to find other people attractive but to be so obvious about it in front of your partner is disrespectful, so I'd probably be extremely pissed off.

brunettemic · 30/04/2023 22:27

Is he staring/letching? That’s not on but it’s normal to take in other people around you and we’re all going to find pride people attractive from time to time.

WandaWonder · 30/04/2023 22:29

I am sure he does but I don't visually see it so he must be discreet, it's normal so doesn't bother me

If he went all benny hill that would be odd

Smartiepants79 · 30/04/2023 22:32

I’ve never really noticed him doing it to be honest.
I think I’d probably tease him if I caught him at it!

Busybusybusydoingnothing · 30/04/2023 22:37

how do you feel when your dp checks out other women in front of you?

Rather fucking annoyed if I'm honest!

Climbles · 30/04/2023 22:40

I’ve never noticed him doing it TBH. Either he’s discreet or I’m oblivious. Probably both.

5128gap · 30/04/2023 22:45

Never had it from a partner but I've a male colleague/work friend who does it, and frankly I cringe for him. Like a lot of women, I know from experience what it's like to be on the receiving end. They might think they're being discreet (though mostly don't care) but you see them and feel pretty contemptuous of them, and sorry that the woman they're with is with such a creep. Most times men who do it leer at women who wouldn't touch them with a barge pole, often decades younger, and for young women, if they're not sneering at them and thinking they're a perve, it can feel uncomfortable and intimidating. So, in short, if it was my partner I'd be thoroughly ashamed of him, and question why I was wasting my time with him at all..

notacooldad · 30/04/2023 22:48

In 33 years together dh has never obviously checked out anyone e else in my company. I'm not saying he doesn't, just that he doesn't do it in front of me.