Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Cheating accusation that made me sick to my stomach?

69 replies

Sadgirl94 · 30/04/2023 10:48

So after PPD I found it hard to go anywhere but I did take my little one for walks and then stopped just due to self consciousness, insecurities, anxiety and stuff. My partner 2 days ago pushed for me to go out with our 10 mo and said he needs fresh air and I’ll be returning to work etc so yesterday I took him to the park and shops we went for like an hour my partner was asleep. I left the park after 20/25 mins as a group of moms came that knew one another and I felt uncomfortable being alone and ugly and just everything. I got back told my partner we went and he was ok about it until a bit later he went silent and began circling me and watching me I asked if he was ok and he said yeah then after a bit he asked if he could ask me a question and he went and asked me if I had changed my underwear before going out (to a sexy one that I took out the wash when I came back) I was so taken aback by this as he was basically saying I went out for god knows what and changed my underwear and then came back and got back into my comfortable one. I explained to him how I didn’t despite being disgusted at the fact how can someone even come out with that when all I’ve done is taken our baby to the park. He then said he thought this as when we have fights at times I threaten to call the police so he doesn’t know how far I would go to betray him? Again, shocked! As I’ve never ever cheated on him, never led anyone on, never even been around a man so I was so heartbroken he thinks I would do something like this? This is soooo low it’s beyond me!! Bearing in mind I may be crazy but I’m no cheat. And we are moving on from the fact that his cheated the first 2 months of me having had our baby and I’m learning to forgive him. I’m so shocked like idk how to feel I feel ew about myself that he thinks I’m some cheap hoe to be doing that. Idk? Idk how to feel? I’m so confused???

His accused me of cheating in January too because I broke up with him for finding nudes and videos of him and other women so he said because of that I would’ve cheated too, so I’ve already explained to him that’s not how I move I’m just a nut case but with the thing he said yesterday I’m just idk? Speechless.

OP posts:

SecretVictoria · 30/04/2023 10:49

He’s a twat. LTB.

gamerchick · 30/04/2023 10:50

You have fights to the point you feel that unsafe you think of police?

Doggymummar · 30/04/2023 10:51

You need to break up. He sounds horrible

tattychicken · 30/04/2023 10:52

So you have to prove you're loyalty/fidelity by not calling the police?? Sounds like a dangerous fucker you should be walking away from.

Menopants · 30/04/2023 10:53

If you leave him your mental health will improve 100%. He sounds like a nasty little shit you deserve better. I hope you find a way out.

helpmyskinplease · 30/04/2023 10:53

You're recovering from PPD (you're NOT crazy btw), he's cheated on you and you fight to the point of feeling the need to call the police? Trust me, and everyone else who will echo this, him accusing you of cheating is the very least of your problems. For your sake, and your baby's, find the strength to get away. Please.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/04/2023 10:55

Don't work on forgiving him, chances are he's still cheating. Leave. Your mental health will be so much better.

Fatandfunny · 30/04/2023 10:55

This is ridiculous, why are you staying with this piece of shit?

DowntonCrabby · 30/04/2023 10:56

You are being abused OP. Make plans to
get out with your DC, this will only get worse.

You deserve so much better

SistersNotCisters · 30/04/2023 10:56

He then said he thought this as when we have fights at times I threaten to call the police so he doesn’t know how far I would go to betray him?

And you say he's cheated on you? Since the birth of your baby? What about before then? And you've found other women's nudes on his phone?

What does this relationship offer you? Why would you want a relationship where you argue so much that a threat of police intervention is needed? Think hard about the answers to these and the reasons you are in this god awful relationship. Believe me, a happy single mum is far, far better for a child than a fractured, nasty household with an abusive man and a defeated, downtrodden mum.

LemonjeIIo · 30/04/2023 10:56

He's still cheating but projecting it at you. Everything he is saying that you are doing, he is doing. Believe me.
LTB

AntoniaMacaronia · 30/04/2023 10:57

His accusations are admissions. He has previous history of cheating. He sent you out - he was setting you up.

Your self esteem sounds like it's in the gutter. You need to get away from this 'man' - safely.

keffie12 · 30/04/2023 10:59

You're in domestic abuse. Leave him. Womens Aid is your go, too. That's not normal or right.

He has cheated on you, so he is accusing you of what he did.

Fights? Everyone has rows yet doesn't feel the need to call the police cos they feel unsafe.

I've fled domestic violence 23 years ago, so know the signs. Happily remarried since. Everything about your post screams warning flags

Domestic abuse is not just physical: it's emotional, gaslightjng, love bombing, coercive, financial and sexual abuse too which take many forms.

Anyone of those, not all, means you're in domestic abuse. Link below

www.womensaid.org.uk

Jonei · 30/04/2023 10:59

He's gas lighting you op. And he sounds dangerous.

Emmamoo89 · 30/04/2023 11:00

LTB

BettyBananaMan · 30/04/2023 11:00

Sweetheart, this man is making you ill. Make plans to leave with your baby and speak to the GP about your anxiety. This man does not care about you, this situation is abusive.

Take care

Hugasauras · 30/04/2023 11:01

Do not bring a baby up in this toxic environment. Arguments where you have to threaten to call the police because of his behaviour are bad enough without any of the other stuff. Is this really what you want your child to grow up seeing and hearing?

Daleksatemyshed · 30/04/2023 11:02

He says you're cheating to deflect from his own bad behaviour Op. He's cheated and probably still is so he's trying to shift the blame onto you. Time to get your self together and leave him or better still make him go

MammaTo · 30/04/2023 11:05

He knows his own tricks best and knows if he’s capable of cheating you could be too and it’s causing paranoia.

lkkjhg · 30/04/2023 11:07

Leave him.
He's undoubtedly the reason you have had PPD
You and baby both deserve so much better

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2023 11:08

He is an abusive cheating arsehole and your MH will improve if you manage to leave him

Original poster

Sadgirl94 · 30/04/2023 11:15

In his defence I’ll make police threats sometimes just because he won’t get out and I want him out my space when I’m angry and he doesn’t and starts saying stuff like later or tomorrow or no I paid the rent and then I say the police stuff.

I genuinely don’t do anything for myself. Sometimes I can’t even shower for days as when my day comes to an end I’m exhausted. I don’t go anywhere. I don’t leave the house, I leave once a week to go to my moms and now these walks but it’s just put me off. I’m just finding it so hard, after the cheating incident when I found out about him I distanced myself I struggled to get close to him as all I I saw was him and them women and then he said because I’m distant and whatever I must’ve cheated but he doesn’t see his actions pushed me away not that I’m cheating? How can you question how someone is after you’ve broken their heart? How is it my fault I can’t be me because of his actions? Why does that mean im
a cheat? Last night the thought of harming myself occurred, I know I can’t kill myself because I have my baby but I thought to just hurt myself to feel better. I feel so disgusted in me to think that’s how he thinks I am or would do, I wouldn’t do anything like this I’ve been raped, sexually assaulted, broken, cheated on I never ever want to be around another man ever because whatever was left of me my partner took away when he cheated. I hate the thought of men rn and ik you’ll say they’re not all the same but I’ve suffered so much trauma to even think about other guys let alone cheat. This brings back thoughts to when I was raped and stuff like maybe everyone sees me as a whore? Idk? Maybe I deserved it? Since even the man I love and have a family with sees me in that light. I just feel so broken I thought I was getting better I feel so lost and weak.

OP posts:

LucieLemon · 30/04/2023 11:28

I'd be surprised if he really did think you were cheating, he's shifting the blame and focus onto you. So much easier than taking responsibility for his own shitty actions. If he felt an ounce of genuine remorse he would be doing everything in his power to make things right with you again. Even then you'd be under no obligation to forgive and forget, he's treated you appallingly whilst you're at your most vulnerable.

Your self esteem is being suppressed having this piss poor man in your life. Forgive me if I've got the wrong impression but it doesn't sound like he's doing much with the little one? How about he takes him out for fresh air and give you a break for a change?

SaulSobieski · 30/04/2023 11:28

You are in an abusive relationship.

He cheats on you.

He access you of cheating when you're not.

Most cheaters project what they're up to onto their partners and think they might be cheating too ..... Be sure they think everyone thinks like them. Ive known a few cheaters and pretty much all of them do that .... Get really paranoid their partners are cheating like them, and accuse them if it.

He sounds aggessive, I timidstong, frightening etc in "arguments" - arguments probably caused by him with his behaviour, or him accuses you of cheating when you don't even have the chance and wouldn't anyway.

He's abusive and he's not going to.change.

Cheaters and controllers and abusers don't change.

You need to get away from him.

Your situation is really sad

SaulSobieski · 30/04/2023 11:29

*He accuses you of cheating when you're not.

Flip

1 2 3