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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Matched on tinder, whatsapping all evening but he's unmatched with me ...

65 replies

justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:02

WTF?
Is this normal ?
We've arranged a date for Sunday.
Whatsapping all evening.
Very kind and complimentary about other photos ... clean .
But he's unmatched me on the site we got chatting on?
Still chatting on what's app ...
Is this odd ?

OP posts:
Ginandpanic · 28/04/2023 21:10

Maybe he’s suspended his account because he feels a connection with you. This exact thing happened to me, had a few dates, he was lovely, but not for me.
Hope the date goes well on Sunday!

ChangedForEmbarrassingQuestions · 28/04/2023 21:11

It’s so you can’t still see him active on tinder when you’re dating. It’s fairly common.

Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:14

Oh ok!
I'm new to all of this !
Is that not really insulting though ?

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 28/04/2023 21:16

He's keeping his options open, as should you.
See how the date goes before worrying about him still being active on a dating site.

Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:17

Just never happened before to
Me! Does he not think I'll notice ?

OP posts:
Slimjimtobe · 28/04/2023 21:18

The whole online thing is a mystery but I don’t know if I’d like this

Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:19

I really don't like this ! I'm really offended actually !
Should I ask him ?

OP posts:
Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:22

Feel like saying ... just got a message on tinder and noticed your unmatched me ?

He is still whatsapping away here!
Is that uncool 🤣

OP posts:
Knackeredhamster · 28/04/2023 21:24

Then just say that.

Uncertainty is not good at this hour

bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies · 28/04/2023 21:26

I'd have to say something just so he realises he can't be a sneak without there being a good chance of you noticing!

TomatoSandwiches · 28/04/2023 21:26

Why can't he just be honest and say he is seeing other people until otherwise stated, unmatching feels dishonest, I wouldn't go on the date after that.

Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:27

I know !
I just can't keep these things to myself !!!
So weird . And such lovely exciting messages about meeting .

OP posts:
Mumma · 28/04/2023 21:28

How do you know he is still on tinder? Maybe he deleted the account?

Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:30

I got a message from a man I have been chatting to and noticed he had unmatched me .
Anyway I said the exact same thing to him just now on WhatsApp and asked why and if this is his norm ...
Let's see what he says ....

OP posts:
pinkspaghetti · 28/04/2023 21:39

Keep us posted OP - I don't like the sound of that either.

RocketIceLollie · 28/04/2023 21:41

Don't say anything. Just go with the flow and have the date. Don't get drawn into any conspiracy theories from MN.

SophiaElizabethGrace · 28/04/2023 21:45

I would suggest that it's possibly because he's going to block you on WhatsApp v soon. He doesn't want you to then contact him via Tinder.

I imagine he's chatting to two or three other people.

Sorry.

Christmascracker0 · 28/04/2023 21:47

I wouldn’t think anything of it to be honest. He has your number, why stay matched on Tinder?

Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:49

Well I just asked him because I'm annoyed ... or something 🤷🏻‍♀️
I follow a lot of posters on here and appreciate all the comments and advice . I've really shored up my boundaries over the last two years and delete when things get inappropriate and uncomfortable .
I'm only back in the scene.
I delete regularly which is new for me because I used to always give people
The benefit of the doubt .

Earlier , he told me that he has a high drive , didn't want to be rude or inappropriate or sleazy ( it was in context) but this was what he felt .
I told him that sleaze ruined it all for me in exchanges so let's not go there and he immediately was apologetic but was straight at the same time , which I appreciate tbh . It was more factual than sleazy.

He has just text to say he had paused his account this evening because he finds it all too much and has enjoyed our exchanges.
He has also asked if I am
Interested I the man who has text me .
Where to now ? Is he full of shit?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/04/2023 21:49

Best case scenario, he just wants to come off the site for a bit. Worst case scenario it's in preperatuon for ghosting at a moments notice.

Either way, calm down with the messaging. Have the date. Chill until then.

No need to be chatting A ton with him before you've even met.

Flowersun6 · 28/04/2023 21:54

I think its odd to pause your account at this stage. There are no guarantees because you may go on 1 date why would he pause his account?

I would proceed but it is an Amber flag. I wouldn't say anything more to him just go on the date.

ThatFraggle · 28/04/2023 21:56

justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:49

Well I just asked him because I'm annoyed ... or something 🤷🏻‍♀️
I follow a lot of posters on here and appreciate all the comments and advice . I've really shored up my boundaries over the last two years and delete when things get inappropriate and uncomfortable .
I'm only back in the scene.
I delete regularly which is new for me because I used to always give people
The benefit of the doubt .

Earlier , he told me that he has a high drive , didn't want to be rude or inappropriate or sleazy ( it was in context) but this was what he felt .
I told him that sleaze ruined it all for me in exchanges so let's not go there and he immediately was apologetic but was straight at the same time , which I appreciate tbh . It was more factual than sleazy.

He has just text to say he had paused his account this evening because he finds it all too much and has enjoyed our exchanges.
He has also asked if I am
Interested I the man who has text me .
Where to now ? Is he full of shit?

Just say something like 'when I'm in a relationship it's exclusive, but when getting to know people I keep my options open.'

Pinkbonbon · 28/04/2023 22:03

justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 21:49

Well I just asked him because I'm annoyed ... or something 🤷🏻‍♀️
I follow a lot of posters on here and appreciate all the comments and advice . I've really shored up my boundaries over the last two years and delete when things get inappropriate and uncomfortable .
I'm only back in the scene.
I delete regularly which is new for me because I used to always give people
The benefit of the doubt .

Earlier , he told me that he has a high drive , didn't want to be rude or inappropriate or sleazy ( it was in context) but this was what he felt .
I told him that sleaze ruined it all for me in exchanges so let's not go there and he immediately was apologetic but was straight at the same time , which I appreciate tbh . It was more factual than sleazy.

He has just text to say he had paused his account this evening because he finds it all too much and has enjoyed our exchanges.
He has also asked if I am
Interested I the man who has text me .
Where to now ? Is he full of shit?

Any mention of sex drive and they are telling you thats all they are looking for.

These no context for him to mention sex to a woman he has never even met. Unless you're checking to see if she is up for a hookup.

You probably shouldn't have mentioned another guy though. That's just bad form. It's OK to see a few people at once until you settle for one but it's not ok to bring them up to one another. I mean you can be vague about it but...telling one about how another acts is just a big no no.

On the brightside, it at least exposed him for the stage 3 clinger he is. Because no matter how uncomfortable it made him,he shouldn't have asked you about this other guy and how you feel. It's really presumptuous. He's never even met you and already hes mentioned sex and been nosy about things that aren't his business.

I'm doubling down on the idea that he intends to be able to ghost you fast if need be. Perhaps if he feels you're not going to be up for first date sex for example. Just an inclination if course.

Also, Google love bombing. All this 'oh our date will be so amazing' smacks of that.

Savoretti · 28/04/2023 22:12

You noticed he unmatched you because you were on Tinder yourself. Why is that ok for you but not him?

Original poster
justacabsauv · 28/04/2023 22:14

Because I got a message on tinder and noticed it

OP posts:
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