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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you miss your other half when you’re not with them?

103 replies

Napoleandynamite · 28/04/2023 17:13

For short periods like when you’re at work, but also if you were away from each other for a week?

I’ve just spent a week away from dh and didn’t miss him a jot, which shocked me! Was glad to see him when I got home don’t get me wrong but now wondering if it’s a sign of something bigger…

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 28/04/2023 22:20

OOh interesting! I don’t at work and probably not overnight but I would for a week. If I go away for 2/3 nights I find myself thinking he would love this, I must come back here with him and show him this…

if I’m at home snd he’s away possibly less so but he is my person, I’m happiest with him even if we are just around and not talking. I’m a pug at heart I think!

PrincessHoneysuckle · 28/04/2023 22:26

Yes all the time.Im still as into him as I was 10 years ago.

StarDolphins · 28/04/2023 22:30

I’m not your target audience as I don’t have a DH now. I have a DD & a dog (I adore them both with every bit of me)

But, I don’t miss either of them if I’m apart from them. I think this is solely because I hardly ever spend any time apart from them. If I do, I LOVE the time on my own that much that I relish every single minute.

I’m so happy to be back with my DD but I like time on my own too.

I wouldn’t miss anyone while they were at work though - not even Ricky Gervais! & I really love Ricky!😃

beeskipa · 28/04/2023 22:48

I miss DH if he's away for the night or more. I don't miss him at work but I'm always excited to see him when I get home.

We'd probably seem on the codependent end of things if I told people how much time we spend just the two of us, though - it works for us and we're very happy (and see plenty of other people, we're not hermits!) but there's such a variation in the norm. I wouldn't think it was weird to not miss your DH if they were away as long as it was a healthy kind of 'I'm perfectly happy with some seperation time' and not a 'I'm glad they're not here/their absence or presence makes no difference to me'.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/04/2023 22:50

After a day or two, yes, absolutely. We’ve been together for 35 years.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/04/2023 22:51

Oops, 36 🥴

Remaker · 28/04/2023 22:52

Definitely not when I’m at work. I love an evening alone and a night or two is quite a regular thing as he has to travel for work. Any more than that and we both miss each other.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 28/04/2023 22:57

I think it's great you can enjoy yourself without him, that's healthy. You said you were glad to see him when you did, so sounds perfectly normal and good to me

Horsedoglover59 · 28/04/2023 23:04

Not so much now, but I'm usually the one going away - when I work, I'm away from home for usually a few nights, or sometimes a week. But I touch base with him twice a day, I ring him in the morning and he rings me in the evening. But we've both had health issues in the past six months which has stopped me working, and I havent wanted to leave him alone. But I'm off next week for my first job for a while, and I'm really looking forward to some time on my own, but I'll be really pleased to get home to him, and he'll be happy to have me home again after several nights apart.

Babdoc · 28/04/2023 23:05

Yes, I miss him. Every day. He was the love of my life and died 31 years ago, when the kids were babies.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 28/04/2023 23:06

Not especially! Was just away this week with work. 10 min call at the end of the day. But we never message each other during the day.

Mindovermatter247 · 28/04/2023 23:16

A bit… but I do enjoy the space… I see a lot on here people judging because couples don’t live in each others pocket.. not spending 24/7 together isn’t a sign of relationship failure, I’ve been with DP 19 years this year, we are content, on the odd occasion he goes away, we miss each other but not massively because we respect we both like personal time. I’ve got the kids to keep me busy and trust me dd10 keeps me on my toes…aswell as work, my department is always super busy and I often help on other departments so not chance to think about it tbh.

Megapint · 28/04/2023 23:19

My husband is often away working at a job site a couple of hours away so he will be way mon - Friday. I don't miss him desperately but I do really look forward to him coming home.

Tarkan · 28/04/2023 23:19

I definitely do when it's longer than one of his shifts at work or anything overnight. DH was away at the start of the year for a stag do and left on the Thursday and didn't get back until the Tuesday and it's the longest we've ever been apart in a decade. I even miss him if he's not feeling well so he sleeps on the airbed instead of disturbing me in our bed all night. Blush

Simianwalk · 28/04/2023 23:26

20 years of marriage, 23 years together. Love every inch of him but travel with work every few weeks for about 5 days. never really miss him or the teenagers. Miss the dogs the most 😜.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder I reckon. We are very independent though, do lots together but lots apart.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/04/2023 23:29

Depends 😂
If I'm having fun and doing stuff, then no but I'm happy to come home to him and see him. Last day I'm usually just ready to get home and see everyone but I know he'll be back when I get back, iyswim so yeah, bad wife.

Napoleandynamite · 28/04/2023 23:31

Lots of varied responses - it’s really interesting to hear. I definitely resonate with those who feel secure and have independent hobbies etc. i’m someone who likes my own space at times.

OP posts:
ThisIsntMyUsualUsername · 28/04/2023 23:35

During the day at work? Absolutely not.
When he's away for work? Not really.
I enjoy doing my own thing and like the space.
Husband is highly strung and has OCD so the kids and I all enjoy being a bit messy, and I absolutely relish the fact I can start the dishwasher when I go to bed, and set the washer on timer and wake up to clean clothes.
I don't think it's a sign of anything bad though. He probably lives a little differently when I'm not around too.
When we're together we're happy and enjoy each other's company.

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/04/2023 23:38

A week then yes but we both travel for work so up to a week so 3 or 4 days apart is normal and no generally wouldn’t miss him. Always happy to see him when whichever of us gets back though.

Deathmetal · 28/04/2023 23:45

You’ve been together for a year, it’s normal to not miss him after a week as he’s part of the furniture now. You know he’s going to be there when you/he gets home. It’s like not missing your parents or your siblings when you lived together, like they’re a constant fixture in your life so that length of time won’t mean you long for them.

Deathmetal · 28/04/2023 23:46

Been together for a *DECADE

NancyJoan · 28/04/2023 23:49

No. It’s been 27 years, and we’re both very sociable with separate friends, so often have time apart. Always glad to see each other though.

ttc2603 · 28/04/2023 23:50

I used to at the beginning of the relationship and now I don't miss him a single bit. I'm so relieved when we're not together and love the peace 😂 I think the longer your together the less you'll miss them maybe? I think it's nice sometimes to just have some time away from your partner I doubt it means anything.

Longdistance · 28/04/2023 23:57

I’m used to not seeing dh as when we met I was cabin crew. Now, if he’s away with work, or I’m away it’s no biggie that we don’t see each other. We’ll either text of FaceTime. I was crew years ago, so sometimes didn’t speak for 3/4 days at a time.

SkyandSurf · 29/04/2023 00:37

Nope