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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you miss your other half when you’re not with them?

103 replies

Napoleandynamite · 28/04/2023 17:13

For short periods like when you’re at work, but also if you were away from each other for a week?

I’ve just spent a week away from dh and didn’t miss him a jot, which shocked me! Was glad to see him when I got home don’t get me wrong but now wondering if it’s a sign of something bigger…

OP posts:
TribeD · 28/04/2023 17:48

I do miss him, but not hugely so.

He went away for a few nights earlier on this year, he had a brilliant time, and I'm going away next week for a few nights - we miss each other, will send a few messages/facetime our DD at bedtime, but that's about it.

I need my own space and to be me rather than Mum/chief finder of things.

Oysterbabe · 28/04/2023 17:48

I don't. I've always been happy in my own company and I'm always busy with the kids anyway.

Watchkeys · 28/04/2023 17:49

OlivesAreNice · 28/04/2023 17:45

Watchkeys because missing someone isn't a nice feeling.

We see it differently. I like the excitement about being together again, the reminder of how important it is to me to have my partner around, maybe getting some treats in to see the look on DP's face, etc. It's horrible if we're apart for ages, but missing someone who's away for a day or 2 is quite a sweet feeling, really.

Original poster
Napoleandynamite · 28/04/2023 17:55

The security point has definitely given me a fresh perspective, thank you.

OP posts:
DiscoBeat · 28/04/2023 18:01

I always think I'll enjoy time alone when he goes out (we're both home all day so see each other all the time) but in reality when he goes away for a couple of nights, eg when he's helping decorate the oldest's house, I really miss him!

BSB30 · 28/04/2023 18:03

I miss my DH even when he just goes to the shop 😂

Watchkeys · 28/04/2023 18:04

How's your relationship otherwise, @Napoleandynamite ? Everything feel good?

OrlandointheWilderness · 28/04/2023 18:04

Yes I miss him.

Rockfordpeach · 28/04/2023 18:06

I enjoy the space but I do miss him. He's been away for a week, coming back tomorrow and we've both definitely got soppier as the week has gone on. Looking forward to seeing him tomorrow and definitely missing him

Justontherightsideofnormal · 28/04/2023 18:07

I go away a few times a year without DH, visiting family, away with friends etc. I don't miss him but I suspect this is because I know I'm going home to him. He really misses me however. When he goes away with friends i equally don't miss him, I'm not sure he misses me either as he is busy with others. We have a fantastic relationship and really enjoy being together.

Original poster
Napoleandynamite · 28/04/2023 18:08

@Watchkeys we recently had a dc so going through a period of change. when I have the odd doubt I think it’s more me projecting my own insecurities iyswim as I haven’t felt back to myself after baby yet. But generally yes we have had a very happy 10 years together

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 28/04/2023 18:13

We don't live together, sometimes I miss him, sometimes I don't.

Watchkeys · 28/04/2023 18:16

I haven’t felt back to myself after baby yet

I think this is the perfect explanation as to why time to yourself might feel differently from usual.

UsingChangeofName · 28/04/2023 18:17

No, I don't miss him.
We are two independent people.
It isn't a sign of anything bad. We enjoy our time together and it is enriched by the fact we spend time apart and are each our own people.

I mean, if he were away for a long time, then I'd miss him, but not for a week, and certainly not when he is at work Grin

Original poster
Napoleandynamite · 28/04/2023 18:19

@Watchkeys very true. Funny how writing it all out to strangers makes everything clear!

OP posts:
DollyP88 · 28/04/2023 18:24

Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say. I really wouldn’t give it a second thought. My husband, as wonderful as he is, tends to leave a trail of debris so I really enjoy coming home to a spotless house when he’s away but I would miss him if it was longer than a few days. But we aren’t the sort of couple who live in each other’s pockets. We both love our own space and are fine with our own company, although we still have lots of fun together too.

mac1974 · 28/04/2023 18:31

I don't miss him (or the kids, bad parent I know) as I appreciate some time to myself but I love going home to them and it makes me appreciate them more. I value some time to myself it's very important to me if I'm honest.

philautia · 28/04/2023 18:31

Yes I really miss him. I don't sit there pining over him as I'm busy but I think about him a lot when we're not together and I find separate time zones much more difficult. The longest we're ever apart is a week or two and we both find it hard.

usernother · 28/04/2023 18:33

If we had no contact by phone for a week then I'd miss him. But if he was in contact then I wouldn't miss him. I love my own company and I'm very independent.

Bringonthesunshineporfavor · 28/04/2023 18:34

No.He has always gone skiing for a week every year and I have never missed him.

Mistymoonsinastarrysky · 28/04/2023 18:35

Nope, the house stays clean and tidy, I can cook/eat whatever I like, the television stays off etc. I’m quite happy with my own company (and the dog).
After 45 years I deserve some space I reckon!

mynameiscalypso · 28/04/2023 18:38

Not really. I mean, I miss him being there to help with DS as solo parenting is a pain. But I don't really miss him per se. But we've both worked away for periods in our career so we're quite used to it

Cloudburstings · 28/04/2023 18:39

when he / I am at work: no

he travels for work about one week in six and sometimes I do feared the end of the week, though can be the logistics of handling the kids on my own rather than missing him.

He’s an introvert and while I’m more outgoing I also like and need alone time. Especially since having DC I cherish alone time at home a lot.

we organise our week to wfh on opposite days partly to get this, though sometimes we wfh together and it’s nice to have lunch together without kids.

our relationship relies on regular space and time apart and it makes me / us enjoy time together more.

during the pandemic we both struggled with the lack of alone time and space from each other. I started going into the office one day a week as soon as possible and it was important for our relationship.

so no I dont think it’s a sign of anything worrying.

and especially if you are a new family. Quiet time and alone time is less available and I enjoy the evening to myself the weeks DH is travelling.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 28/04/2023 18:42

We work for the same place, but seperate buildings. Sometimes if lunch times line up we'll have lunch together, sometimes we see eachother in a work setting. Many times I don't see him at all. I don't miss him but like a hug at the end of the day when we get home.

If we travel then yes I miss him, whether he or I are the one travelling. While it's not uncommon for one of us to go out after work or see friends, I miss him if he's not in bed with me! If he's out one night and I'm out the second, by the third I just want some time cuddled up on the sofa together. He's my best friend!

Riverlee · 28/04/2023 18:44

Nope, not at all. Dh was has just been away for a week, and I quite enjoyed it! We talked at least once a day, and messaged at other times, so there was contact.