Posting for a rant as I know nobody can actually help, so please be gentle.
Been with dp for 3 years and we have a baby on the way. Being late 30s I wanted us to get on with it as I have a history of early menopause in the family and would like 2 children.
Marriage has always been important to me and if it wasn’t for my age I would have insisted on marriage before baby.
We aren’t well off and I know we can’t afford a basic wedding when the time comes. We speak about it often as he wants to save for a pricey ring. I’ve told him the money is irrelevant but he wants to do it ‘properly’. We’ve looked into costs to budget and plan ahead and it seems a very basic registry office will be more than we can afford outright. I had the impression it would be under £100 but to my shock it seems to be much higher. Money will get tighter with a baby in the mix so I can’t justify spending hundreds at the moment.
I know the relationship is more important than a wedding but it’s got to me more than I expected it to. I often daydream about our wedding day - nothing fancy, no reception, flowers or big white dress. Knowing it may never happen or not for many years is a hard pill to swallow. I know we may have made it work before having a baby but as I said a family is much more important to me as I would have been resentful to marry then find we’d left it too late to conceive.
Has anyone been in this position and you have a happy long relationship without being husband and wife? How do you look past the disappointment when your friends are happily married and done things the ‘right way’ around?