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Original poster

When men say ’romance’ and ’ romantically interested’ , does it actually mean anything?

75 replies

CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 06:16

Or is it all just a euphemism for sex?

And do they ever mean romance as actual romance, just romance?

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 27/04/2023 06:19

I think the 'correct' answer is that men are individuals.

My personal experience is that men who talk about romance mean possession.

HowManySunflowers · 27/04/2023 06:31

I think some men say it because they think it's what women want to hear.

GreyCarpet · 27/04/2023 06:35

HowManySunflowers · 27/04/2023 06:31

I think some men say it because they think it's what women want to hear.

This.

wrinkleintime · 27/04/2023 06:37

Yes of course men can have a comprehension of what romance is and want it.

I feel like there is a massive undertone to your question, i.e. that you have experienced a lot of men who just want sex. That's also true.

wildinthecountry · 27/04/2023 06:39

I think for men it usually means they want sex .

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 08:07

Well damn it.
I always (almost) keep falling for it.

I wish people were just honest.

What’s the point of lying, though?
Plenty of women are fine with casual, why can’t they leave me alone.
How do these lying men live with themselves?

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 27/04/2023 08:46

i think for most adults it means sex to some degree - but I think people really mean they have a crush on someone and try to phrase it better :)

samestyle · 27/04/2023 08:59

Innocently I'd take it to mean more than sex, depends how this is said, did you read it on a dating profile or did he say that in person? you have to make a better judgement after getting to know a bit about them and directly asking what they want.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 09:10

PaintedEgg · 27/04/2023 08:46

i think for most adults it means sex to some degree - but I think people really mean they have a crush on someone and try to phrase it better :)

Argh, I forgot the word crush from my op.
That was also what I meant to ask, that does the ’crush’ just mean they are just interested in the physical stuff rather than more deep and meaningful.

I must sound like an total idiot, but I had a late start and I seem to get stuck or sucked into situations where I’m told how they want romance or indeed have a crush, but then there doesn’t really seem to be anything there.
Just trying to move it towards physical + big talks about future, not future faking bad, but still.

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 27/04/2023 09:22

Because most women don't want casual. They have a huge drive for sex and learn at an early age to use flattery, lies and money to get a woman into bed.
Many do want relationships, I'm not talking about all men.

PaintedEgg · 27/04/2023 09:34

CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 09:10

Argh, I forgot the word crush from my op.
That was also what I meant to ask, that does the ’crush’ just mean they are just interested in the physical stuff rather than more deep and meaningful.

I must sound like an total idiot, but I had a late start and I seem to get stuck or sucked into situations where I’m told how they want romance or indeed have a crush, but then there doesn’t really seem to be anything there.
Just trying to move it towards physical + big talks about future, not future faking bad, but still.

Show quote history

i dont think people are really this malicious, rather that having a crush on someone is a very feeble feeling because at the beginning it really boils down to being attracted to them. So sure people will try to have sex with someone who they are attracted but don't think it means they had bad intentions if it doesn't work out.

ShandaLear · 27/04/2023 09:56

I think it means more than just sex, but it also means that sex will be an important feature. It’s more than hearts and flowers and nice meals out, though they may be a big part of the relationship, but it doesn’t mean that the evening ends with a peck on the cheek and a cup of cocoa.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 09:59

QueefQueen80s · 27/04/2023 09:22

Because most women don't want casual. They have a huge drive for sex and learn at an early age to use flattery, lies and money to get a woman into bed.
Many do want relationships, I'm not talking about all men.

But plenty of women do.
I don’t even know that many people, and still know multiple women who are okey / only want casual.
So, plenty of them around.

But yeah, I’m learning now of (some) men’s manipulative ways…

OP posts:
HowManySunflowers · 27/04/2023 10:10

I think "crush" is an interesting word too, and can definitely mean different things to different people. To me it means that you're putting someone on a pedestal (like a crush on a celebrity, or someone you've fancied for ages) but that still doesn't necessarily mean you want a long-term serious relationship with them. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality!

Basically OP the answer to all of this is to take it slow and not get too deeply involved too quickly. That will weed out the ones who just want a shag.

gannett · 27/04/2023 11:15

I have to say I think of "romantic" as a euphemism for sex when it comes to adult relationships. I assume when people talk about a "romantic date night" or "romantic getaway" that it involved shagging. It's funny when I read holiday brochures about romantic villas or penthouses that there's always a reference to how discreet and private they are.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex at any point of course, but there's also nothing wrong with wanting it and using socially accepted euphemisms around romance to refer to it. I really don't understand the MN contempt for "men who want sex" - it's not a character flaw. I don't consider it a character flaw if a woman wants sex so why is it bad when men do? If you're not on the same page that might be disappointing but that's just life.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 13:34

"romantic date night" or "romantic getaway"

And here is me thinking it means fireplaces, long quiet walks holding hands, stargazing and flowers 🥺😩😭

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 27/04/2023 13:53

CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 13:34

"romantic date night" or "romantic getaway"

And here is me thinking it means fireplaces, long quiet walks holding hands, stargazing and flowers 🥺😩😭

because it can also mean that - however, for a lot of people cuddling up in front of a fireplace will also mean having very romantic sex on the floor

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 14:20

PaintedEgg · 27/04/2023 13:53

because it can also mean that - however, for a lot of people cuddling up in front of a fireplace will also mean having very romantic sex on the floor

Show quote history

Don’t ruin my daydream!
I just want the crackling fireplace!
I didn’t realize how romance (my versions of it) starved I am until this thread.

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 27/04/2023 14:27

CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 14:20

Don’t ruin my daydream!
I just want the crackling fireplace!
I didn’t realize how romance (my versions of it) starved I am until this thread.

Show quote history

but is it romance or coziness that you crave? Because romance is all to do with this feeling of excitement / buzz associated with love - and this means the desire. The "romantic tension" is just a nice way of saying that you're horny for someone.

what makes sitting by fire romantic (if we go by dictionary terms) is not the fire, but the general atmosphere and the closeness of the person you're with, wanting to touch them, kiss them and 100% shag them :P

Saschka · 27/04/2023 14:33

On a dating profile, “romance” means “sex, possibly more than once if you turn out to be good in bed”, whereas “casual sex” means “don’t even think of texting me again afterwards”.

In general, yes I do think most men know what romance is! They do tend to think it leads to sex, but that doesn’t mean they don’t also enjoy the walks along a beach, fireplaces, etc in their own right.

Original poster
CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 14:35

Hhhmmm.
Maybe it’s the quitness, someone just wanting to be with me, in that moment, not having to pretend anything.

Perhaps, because I don’t really like touching that much, so it isin’t really a show of anything to me.

And when they bring ip sex, my brain just go ”aha, see this too had strings attached, that’s why they were / said something nice”.
And then I just feel crap and kind of worthless.

And I’ve never been even properly romanced and I’m only getting older. I think I’m just sad for all the things I’ve missed and feeling down about it.

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 27/04/2023 15:50

See, I'm a woman and i want all that romantic stuff, as a precursor to a good seeing to and then another round soon after.

Romance is by definition interactions related to sexual desire, otherwise it's platonic

GettingStuffed · 27/04/2023 16:07

In my DH's case it definitely means sex, and that's after 34 years of marriage

Watchkeys · 27/04/2023 16:09

Some men will mean what you would mean, and some won't. Learn more about them before you act/get emotionally involved. Save yourself a whole bunch of heartache.

gannett · 27/04/2023 16:11

CantAskAnyoneElse · 27/04/2023 13:34

"romantic date night" or "romantic getaway"

And here is me thinking it means fireplaces, long quiet walks holding hands, stargazing and flowers 🥺😩😭

It means that too! Usually as a precursor to sex though.

The exception is a romantic meal in a restaurant. If you pick the right restaurant and are as greedy as DP and I you'll be unable to move let alone shag. One of the wisest pieces of dating advice I've received is if you're going to a good restaurant and want to have sex with them, do so before you go out.