The Madonna /Whore complex

[aprilshowers4]

Why do so many men suffer from this?

When I was a girlfriend, my husband wanted me all the time and we had sex regularly. When I became a live in girlfriend and then a wife, he acted like sex was a dirty thing and not something a 'respectable' woman should be doing. He didn't want to touch me anymore, we ended up in a sexless marriage. He didn't understand why I would want sex.

I don't think he's alone - I know a guy who characterises woman as either 'fun' or 'wife material'. So if they go home with him and have a one night stand, they are fun, but this behaviour according to him means they are not wife material (whatever the fuck that is).

I think porn may be partly to blame, as well as just general misogyny. But I'm so bloody sick of it.

It's a symptom of misogyny. Women are two-dimensional, only there to service the needs of men. They aren't fully rounded humans with needs and wants of their own.

You want to steer very very clear of those ones.

What @MrsTerryPratchett said with bells on.
This particular brand of man sees women as either something to stick his dick in when he sees fit (but nothing more than that), or someone to replace his mother and look after him in a domestic sense. And the two do not overlap in his tiny little brain 🙃

I had a joke book when I was a kid (1970s). One joke went, two men are looking out of their van when a pretty young woman in a mini skirt walks past. 'would you marry a girl like that?' says the first guy. 'heck yes!' says the second. 'Would you let your wife dress like that?' asks the first guy. 'heck no!' says the second.

This was an actual kids joke book. I was enraged by that joke and I was about 8.

Good 'ol misogyny - viewing women as objects that fulfil a singular function. You can be either a lover or a wife, but you cannot be both.

Best to stay clear of them - they're neither fun nor husband material

Are you still married to the eejit?

When I became a live in girlfriend and then a wife, he acted like sex was a dirty thing and not something a 'respectable' woman should be doing. He didn't want to touch me anymore, we ended up in a sexless marriage. He didn't understand why I would want sex.

As I very much doubt your marriage became 100% sexless.
It just no longer featured sex with YOU.
Sorry to be brutal OP but men don't go from a normal sex drive to sexless for no reason. He was/is finding new Whores to counter-balance the Madonna he has at home.

This is an interesting topic - though clearly painful for you, for which I am sorry. I hope you get a lot of traffic here so you can exchange thoughts with supportive women who recognise your situation.

Personally - I have never been with a man who went off sex with me due to cohabitation/marriage. (If anything, they just became entitled & didn't bother with seduction when they thought they could just grab a convenient g/f or wife without preamble). But I have noticed that some men will blame a woman for participating in acts where it takes two to tango, while totally exonerating himself, because that's apparently "different".

So it's definitely a Thing. But I've usually seen in manifest in disordered thinking - the sexist man wants a 'whore in the bedroom', then finds he can't deal with the dichotomy of also wanting her to be the squeaky-clean girl next door type.

Twats.
Can't send 'em away to Re-education Camp, can't bury 'em under the patio without personal risk . My own solution was to walk away - better men are available, they just take a bit of finding.

This was an actual kids joke book. I was enraged by that joke and I was about 8.

Fucking HELL @MorrisZapp
At least it raised your consciousness at an early age, huh?

A lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. It's deeply embodied in culture and society. There's a great scene in marriage story where Laura Dern talks about the virgin Mary and the impact she has.

My father-in-law plopped that exact 'joke' onto the family WhatsApp only the other week. He's over 70 and this is the level he's still at. It's pitiful.

Didn't take much, I was a feminist gobshite by age 8 🤣

Must admit I've had semi serious arguments with my DP about farting. Yes, farting. It's a feminist issue. He farts whenever he feels like it and says 'well it's natural'. Yet if he hears me fart or worse, smells it he thinks it's utterly disgusting.

I don't wish to be a free and easy farter as it isn't nice for others but sometimes it's necessary. He won't admit he thinks women shouldn't fart but his reaction every time shows it.

He won't admit he thinks women shouldn't fart but his reaction every time shows it.

Ah, the Plausible Deniability card.
Closely followed by the Getting Tetchy & Stonewalling card, when their wife is too distressingly smart to swallow the bullshit.

In cheerier news, if nobody's bagged FeministGobshite for a moniker yet, I'm having it. Thanks, @MorrisZapp

With humble appreciation to the early-emerging consciousness of @MorrisZapp

Love it ❤️

Love it!

Sadly there are so many men like this, most of my male relatives are very much like this, i honestly think if my brothers knew how many men I had slept with they would not only disown me (one has already), but they’d have heart attacks.

Not all men are like this though. I’ve slept with way more men than my DH has women, he dosnt care and knows many details and my ExH who was many things but he never judged women for who they slept with. It was one of his only good qualities.