Dumped via WhatsApp after 4 years!

[Shockinpink]

Absolutely gutted (and angry) and a bit of a WTF to be honest! We have separate homes although for the past two year we've been more or less together 24/7 and although things have been up and down for a while this is all totally out of the blue. He won't meet up to discuss things, he's decided he's not happy and hasn't been for a while and its apparently best for both of us to have a clean break? Just gutted and so upset :( can't believe he wont even meet me or discuss it in person. Who ends things like that? After 4 years. Feel in shock.

Take him at his word and cut contact with him.

Don't give him the satisfaction of asking questions or seeking answers.

What a fucking great big fanny

He's exactly this. Fanny.

@GoFasterKnickers that was a great thread.

The OP is a class A act.

I hope she remains well.

I was just about to mention @runningintherain
Superb example of a strong woman....

Radio silence for now OP. No matter how hard it is to do. If you have things at his, contact him after a few days to collect. It's such a shitty thing for him to do and going on the other similar posts in the past, he probably has someone else lined him so don't ask him to try again.
Very sorry this has happened to you. Someone who can do that isn't a good person.

*lined up

My bf of 4 years dumped me by text and changing our chat emoji theme from a heart to a thumbs up.

I laugh about it now but it certainly didn't feel funny then. You dodged a bullet!

You said it's been up and down for a while and he's not happy, is it possible he's been trying to tell you for a while and you've not been listening? Sounds like he's made up his mind it's over and there is no dissuading him, he doesn't want the stress of having to justify the decision.

Just let him go. As he said better for you both to make a clean break if there are no ties to discuss.
Been there done that had 18 months of begging and whining to put up with.

Yeah that's pretty shitty behaviour. Everyone deserves closure with breakups and it's very cowardly not to give that to someone who you have been with for that length of time.

I had someone do this to me, but thankfully after less than a year, not 4! I received the text while I was walking home from work, so it was deliberately timed too. I got straight in my car and drove round to his and the coward hid at his mate's house so he wouldn't have to speak to me!

Some people are just absolute cowardly arseholes OP. As PPs have said, you'll look back in the future and realise how much of a lucky escape you had. Thank heavens you both have your own places.

Grab your closest friends or family for a bitching session about him if you think it would help.

I saw my ex about a year after he dumped me. I happened to walk in to the same shop he was in. The look on his face was brilliant. I had just come out from the gym and had just washed and dried my hair, so despite it being late in the day, was looking pretty good, I have to say. He took one look at me, looked like a rabbit in the headlights and dashed from the shop as quickly as he could! All while I stood there giggling at how stupid he looked. It was very, very satisfying!

Wow. What a prick. Now is the time to block this guy on everything - number, WhatsApp, social media, etc.
If you have valued belongings in his home, inform him that you will be sending a friend/courier to pick them up. Don’t engage or communicate anything other than what is absolutely necessary.
Awful behaviour on his part. A friend of mine who lived with her partner of seven years was dumped via a note on the kitchen table. He just packed and left when she was out. Never communicated with her again, left his brother to tie up the loose ends. Some men are pure wankers.

Whilst it is shocking yes, I would cut all contact with him and block him. Don’t have any further contact with him. Take him at his word and get rid of him. Grieve for the relationship privately.

Firstly big big hug. I was dumped recently during a very anguished phone call. We met 2 weeks later and honestly it was quite settling in that we could both talk without tears but it is still heartbreaking.
The only thing I would say is you partner's method was very cold and if you can hook onto that you might not feel that you have such a loss.

Yes, indeed. What you have lost is a spineless cold hearted twat - as he dumped you like this.

Thanks for all the comments 💜

I'd understand it more if it had been a few weeks and it simply wasn't working and you didn't really owe much of an explanation, but after all these years! To end it like that. I want to be more angry, at the moment I'm just gutted. It feels like i mean that little to him :(

The worst thing is he's been really loving recently like really affectionate, and then this, feels like such a jolt.
I've got stuff at his house yes although not really thinking about that at the moment. I just wish he'd had the balls to actually speak to me rather than hiding behind messages. It feels really shitty.

I really feel for you. I think it is possible he’s done the dirty on you, OP. Being overly affectionate is a classic sign of cheating, as a fucked up way to alleviate their guilt.
Either way, he’s a dirty dog to behave like this and you will find better!

Oh goodness, I can see how this smarts. But I think I'd prefer this to having to have a conversation, if his mind's made up and things have been a bit up and down anyway.

I just think if it was me deciding i wasn't happy I'd have the decency to tell him to his face, regardless of how awkward it was, seeing as we've been together over 4 years. Theres something really distant and impersonal about a WhatsApp sorry its over breakup :(

Whats even weirder is we were in bed the night before and he's all i love you so much etc and affectionate, i go home and get that message with no explanation other than its best for both of us and he's not happy and is refusing to discuss it. Just a bit wtf really.

Problem is there is NO perfect way to end something

face to face sucks as you cry
email is also cowardly
I get the lack of reasons sting and you want to know why

suspect another woman ?

but it’s always going to sting

and mark my words he’ll pop back at some stage

if this is what he wants .., OK

delete and block on every channel so you don’t have reminders
practice immense self care
watch the 3 weeks no contact video (it’s on YouTube ) and follow it to the letter / it’s very helpful

im sorry , the lack of answers is painful xx

By the way
if you disappear
the chance is at some stage he might well pop up again
the closure you need might come , but later

My GF (I'm bi) did the same thing to me after four years. It hurt like crazy at first, but now I look back and think Be dodged a bullet. Look after yourself OP.

Thanks! Yeah i probably have had a lucky escape in a way, although at the moment though its difficult to see the upside. Its just all a bit raw and totally messed my head up. Im just stunned.

I don't want to make a fool of myself by begging him to talk so i will try and go NC however much it hurts :( hes made it clear he doesn't want to discuss it. Its just so weird, the day before he's all loved up and the next Im nothing to him.

You aren’t nothing to him, he is just a massive arsehole. He is going to totally regret this but block him, bundle up his stuff and stick it outside.

block ignore and post here if you need to !

slso read chump lady.

you sound fab ! He is an ARSE

Can you get a friend to take his stuff round and collect your? So you can really never have to see him again? Get her to do the comms and you pack his stuff up as soon as possible and get rid. I’m sorry he’s a dick.

NC is definitely best - dignified and helps to heal faster.

What you don’t want is his using you in the future to feel better about his cowardly dumping by “explaining” to you how he came to this conclusion. Who gives a shit. Nothing he can say will get you to go “ohhhhhh. Oh I see. Oh thank Goodness you dumped me by WhatsApp, I feel fabulous about that now.” Nothing. So don’t let him. Ever.

Here’s the second thread by the legendary RunninginRain, who was dumped by text and told “No need to reply”. (She had ad different name in the first one, just User plus a number, but renamed herself because running got her through the pain. She refused to plead or make any response to her ex, even when he tried to come crawling back.
Do read it, she’s an inspiration. And she came through proud and happy again.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2?page=2&reply=105239635