Husband grumpy thinks he does too much 😏

[Neverenoughfor]

Please give me your opinion on this I’m going to try and be fair on both sides.
I work self employed and work it around three children so I do school runs, get them up ready fed every morning finish to do school pick up. Take the dog for a walk 2 miles the mornings I work from home. Two days I work out of the home and I do same with kids and drop dog to daycare and lift him after.
every evening I cook and tidy as I go along so not a big job to clean kitchen after.
I tidy and clean house daily, do laundry, all school related things, after dinner I walk dog with dh. I do most homework with kids and baths.
dh works Monday to Friday 8-4.
he is up at 6am daily (I am up at 7)
he comes home eats dinner and puts dishes away in dishwasher 80% of time.
he does my taxes.
we both earn a good wage I take home more but he always complains about money and we are in a very good position. He always puts my mood down by giving out about something, he is so pessimistic.
he gets up with dog most weekends at 7/8 as I can’t hear him as my hearing is not good. When I do get up he up 10 mins later as he has sore head if he sleeps too long. Yesterday sulked for now on if he getting up I should do all cooking and cleaning. I said I already do he said he had to do it Saturday evening (had a takeaway) because I was sick I couldn’t do much (I hurt my fingers thought they broke and he didn’t ask me was I ok told me to take dog back home as no point sitting there miserable, I was crying in pain)
mum fed up with never being appreciated and getting passive comments and made feel like I’m never doing enough. I do all groceries, cooking, cleaning, and child related things. I work some Saturdays and 50% time he will clean or he never has time.

Sorry bad grammar, sent in rush to do school run.

His choice to get a dog I told him if he can promise not to sulk over it and give out like last time and if we get one we keeping him. He said he would. It’s a real bone of contention.

Does he have any good points, this grumpy piss taker?

Your husband is a selfish lazy entitled prick and tbh I couldn't tolerate it. What does this prince amongst men to to enhance your life?

What a whinger. Why isn't he looking after his dog?

This. Why bother? You earn more than he does, do all the childcare, all the cleaning and cooking. He makes you miserable. And it's his dog.

What is the point of your dh?

i think he has depression and anxiety but he won’t get help. He is a good man. He lost his mum and dad during Covid and he has changed. Mostly we get on and I’m happy to cook clean when he out of house more but to be told he does too much with dog at weekends (we all walk him during day) and I should do everything else it’s upset me. I cried all day and he ignored me. He quiet and shy and does anything any one asks so because everyone says how great he is he believes he is always right. The lack of care for me when I’m sick or hurt is upsetting 😔
he won’t apologise either.

Pointless git, sack him off.

It’s all our dog and I love the dog but he is hard work he 9 months but i feel guilty when he gives out about him having to get up with him and take him for runs. He initially wanted a dog to do his running and hiking. A dog was not on my radar. He is my best friend and we get in great when he is in good mood. I just want him to go to doctors and get help but he can’t see he is wrong. When he quiet I ask him what’s wrong and it’s always nothing wrong, there is because next day it comes out.

Anxiety and depression doesn’t usually manifest in complaints about house work. You are letting him hide behind this excuse. He doesn’t want to pull his weight.

Why should you do everything else, what's his reasoning?

Write all the tasks down and divide them in half. Why can't he cook dinner each evening if he is home just after 4pm? You do the school run

His version is different because he thinks he does enough he would do it during week but I have it all done before he gets home so he says! Very rarely when he does a big clean he will do it well pulling out furniture cupboards. Tidying kitchen after dinner is his bit done.

I’m there to make dinner I don’t mind doing it. He home at 5 so dinner on table for him coming home. He thinks him taking dog in morning for walks Saturday Sunday mornings is too much and I need to do my fair share. I’m making kid’s breakfast when he does this.

I do morning walk 3 days during week and the other two he doesn’t need it because I drop to to day care that tires him out.
he really does believe I have the better bargain.

He is a good man.

no he's not, as the below illustrates.

to be told ... I should do everything else it’s upset me.
I cried all day and he ignored me.
he believes he is always right.
The lack of care for me when I’m sick or hurt is upsetting 😔
he won’t apologise either.

He's told you he's a good man, but his behaviour is telling you otherwise.

Run for the hills and don’t look back.

He has no respect for you whatsoever.

What is he like towards people in the outside world; my guess is he behaves a lot better around them. His behaviour towards you is far more rooted in abuse than in depression and anxiety.

i don’t want to marriage to end I love him. He does put us first and spends family time with us. This is phases of moods where he feels down. I just want him to get help and go back to how he was. He doesn’t shout at me or be nasty ever he just gets quiet and moody. The children love him to bits and he loves them. I told him if he didn’t get help or change yesterday the marriage will end I wrote out everything I felt and he text back with a random video that say I love you something like that no comment or apology I just wrote back passive again. No acknowledgment of my feelings.

Oh ffs op. What are you doing still with him?!?

So, you do basically everything in the home, with the children, with the dog, AND you earn more than him. AND he still complains? I would have told him to swap roles. You work a bit less to bring home the money he does, stack the dishwasher and do nothing else. He has to work a bit more to earn what you do , then pick up all you do at home.
Seriously op, how dare he?!? How did you not either laugh at him, or go ape?

No. You love who he used to be and are clinging to the memories.

You're paying too much attention to his moods, and he thinks they matter. Just ignore him. Laugh it off.

Honestly it's working for him because you are paying attention. It's his dog. Ignore any complaints about it.

If you want him to do more address that. If he's just wingeing either ignore it or address it.
DO NOT take it seriously, give it weight, try and please him. It's not how he works.

If you want to stay with him op, I would sit him down and give him two options. Get help, or get out.

Oh. I see youve done that and he hasn't chose the help. Stick to it. Give him a few days. And follow through.

Oh for god sake, he’s treating you with complete disrespect, and all you keep saying is you don’t mind doing all the cooking etc. You should fucking mind because he clearly doesn’t appreciate your efforts at all. In fact he doesn’t seem to show you much care at all, even when you’re ill, you just annoy him because it means his skivvy isn’t working properly. How can you stomach being treated like this? This man is meant to love you.

I’m only saying to negatives we do have fun but yesterday him saying I need to do all cooking and cleaning because he does the dog at weekends oh and he settles him into crate every night at 8:30 i was pretty taken back and I did shout I do everything already and he said see can’t have a conversation with you.