Husband grumpy thinks he does too much 😏

[Neverenoughfor]

Please give me your opinion on this I’m going to try and be fair on both sides.
I work self employed and work it around three children so I do school runs, get them up ready fed every morning finish to do school pick up. Take the dog for a walk 2 miles the mornings I work from home. Two days I work out of the home and I do same with kids and drop dog to daycare and lift him after.
every evening I cook and tidy as I go along so not a big job to clean kitchen after.
I tidy and clean house daily, do laundry, all school related things, after dinner I walk dog with dh. I do most homework with kids and baths.
dh works Monday to Friday 8-4.
he is up at 6am daily (I am up at 7)
he comes home eats dinner and puts dishes away in dishwasher 80% of time.
he does my taxes.
we both earn a good wage I take home more but he always complains about money and we are in a very good position. He always puts my mood down by giving out about something, he is so pessimistic.
he gets up with dog most weekends at 7/8 as I can’t hear him as my hearing is not good. When I do get up he up 10 mins later as he has sore head if he sleeps too long. Yesterday sulked for now on if he getting up I should do all cooking and cleaning. I said I already do he said he had to do it Saturday evening (had a takeaway) because I was sick I couldn’t do much (I hurt my fingers thought they broke and he didn’t ask me was I ok told me to take dog back home as no point sitting there miserable, I was crying in pain)
mum fed up with never being appreciated and getting passive comments and made feel like I’m never doing enough. I do all groceries, cooking, cleaning, and child related things. I work some Saturdays and 50% time he will clean or he never has time.

Ah ,bless ,just like I was when my kids were small ,
he was overwhelmed, he was run of his feet with work. ,to tired to lift his plate from table to sink .
I made a million excuses for him,
it’s was just moods ,he was just down ..
he was also depressed, unhappy,

oh he had an affair at one point ,because,he said ,I gave the children more attention than he got from me..
but yeah he was a lovely man ..still is ..his parents think he’s wonderful,they always thank him for Mother’s Day cards and birthday cards I sent ,obviously they forgot what his handwriting looks like ..
but yeah ….top man indeed …well to everyone who doesn’t have to live with him .
he never changed ..nothing ever got better ..that was who he was

I have no idea, I can understand it somewhat when a woman is trapped financially but when they earn more than their husband I find it utterly baffling, not a day goes by on mumsnet without a thread like this, and they are always described as a ‘good man’ 🙄.

to tired to lift his plate from table to sink

... and yet, strangely, never too tired to lift fork to mouth...

Write a list of your jobs
Write a list of his show them to him and ask him if he would like to swap

So - this is nasty op. And up thread you said he was never nasty. He just has been.

I think you're seeing what you so desperately want to see, and dismissing what you don't.

None of us have any emotional attachment to this man, so we are very clearly able to see him for the nasty man that he is.

You also poured out all your feelings to him earlier today/yesterday/I can't quite remember, and apparently gave him an ultimatum of get help or get out; which he has not only completely ignored, but let's face it, he probably couldn't be arsed to read it all. You are very free to make your own decisions of stay or go; but do it with your eyes open - this is not a nice man, this is a horrible man.

My ex was like this. Convinced that he did 99% of stuff around the house and convinced that he paid for everything. Like you, I let it slide because he was 'a good man'. Except he wasn't, and it took me a long time to realise that. Get rid. I did and my life is much lighter and more peaceful now.

OP, you and your children are in an abusive environment with a lazy selfish man who treats you badly, has zero respect for you, yet you insist he is a good man.

He isn't.

I feel sorry for your children that are witnessing this dynamic.

A mother run ragged, a grumpy selfish lazy father.

I feel for you OP.

You deserve better, your children certainly do.

I went and retrained and he encouraged me and paid for it and was (is) supportive of my job, I wouldn’t have had the confidence only he pushed me to not give up because he knew I was capable of it when I didn’t.
when I was on a low wage he shared his money with me even before we married. He was a real hands on father when children were small I have to give him that, my youngest is now 7.
he will do chores when I ask but I shouldn’t have to. I do have everything done before he comes home because I like a clean house.
today I done very little and it’s annoying me sitting in it because I was trying to make a point.

he doesn’t have a temper at all it’s just the low moods and negativity worrying about silly things brings me down.
the lack of care towards me when I got hurt hurts a lot or when I’m sick because he can’t cope with stress when I’m not on form doing everything.
if he doesn’t apologise by tomorrow and go get help I’m going to call time on our marriage. I know I deserve to be appreciated and cared for how I care for him when he is sick. I am a fool!

thats The thing we don’t actually fight or shout as he won’t have discussions as can’t take criticism. It’s the lack of communication that’s when I know he is in a mood. The kids are oblivious believe me. I can ignore it mostly just the telling me I should do all cooking and cleaning angered me beyond belief 😡

The kids won’t be oblivious but it is their normal so they are hardly going to say why are you sad Mum etc
this is their only home - what can they compare it to - but they will pick up the tensions

It's just a relationship that has run it's course op. It sounds like it was really good for a while. But, it's not any more. Not right now, and not in the future if he won't get help. Now and the future are all that matters. It doesn't matter what happened in history.

Good luck op. I've been there, done that, and like absolutely every other woman says - we wish we'd done it sooner.

its over 😔 I’ve told him he needed to change but he thinks it’s me and things fester on him and he gets grumpy because anytime he says how he feels this happens.

Give yourself a little while op. You'll be happier soon.

It sounds OP as if he was pretty unhappy in himself- doesn't matter if he's a good guy (he may be but when it suits him) the fact is he is unpleasant to live with. There are plenty of 'good guys' out there who are utterly miserable to live with long term- and don't pull their weight domestically - mumsnet is full of them

OP, this will be better in the long term.

Your children know a lot more than they ever let on.

We are here for you.

Reach out to family and friends for support.

I'm so sorry, OP.

You are being blackmailed/hard balled into giving in to his demands. He is pushing you to see if you will cave.

You would do well to hold the line. Don’t feel tempted to give in. Get some legal advice and keep your dignity. He is trying to break you down.

Eventually you will feel relief when he leaves. This must be dragging you down.

This isn't your fault op. He's a lazy, miserable man who can't have an adult conversation admires abusive techniques to get his own way. He is not a nice man

He's got a cheek...tell him if he wants a housewife he needs to earn considerably more and take on all financial responsibility.