Husband grumpy thinks he does too much 😏

[Neverenoughfor]

Please give me your opinion on this I’m going to try and be fair on both sides.
I work self employed and work it around three children so I do school runs, get them up ready fed every morning finish to do school pick up. Take the dog for a walk 2 miles the mornings I work from home. Two days I work out of the home and I do same with kids and drop dog to daycare and lift him after.
every evening I cook and tidy as I go along so not a big job to clean kitchen after.
I tidy and clean house daily, do laundry, all school related things, after dinner I walk dog with dh. I do most homework with kids and baths.
dh works Monday to Friday 8-4.
he is up at 6am daily (I am up at 7)
he comes home eats dinner and puts dishes away in dishwasher 80% of time.
he does my taxes.
we both earn a good wage I take home more but he always complains about money and we are in a very good position. He always puts my mood down by giving out about something, he is so pessimistic.
he gets up with dog most weekends at 7/8 as I can’t hear him as my hearing is not good. When I do get up he up 10 mins later as he has sore head if he sleeps too long. Yesterday sulked for now on if he getting up I should do all cooking and cleaning. I said I already do he said he had to do it Saturday evening (had a takeaway) because I was sick I couldn’t do much (I hurt my fingers thought they broke and he didn’t ask me was I ok told me to take dog back home as no point sitting there miserable, I was crying in pain)
mum fed up with never being appreciated and getting passive comments and made feel like I’m never doing enough. I do all groceries, cooking, cleaning, and child related things. I work some Saturdays and 50% time he will clean or he never has time.

Why do women put up with this shit? 🙄

I wondered how long the "he's got anxiety and depression" would take to be trotted out. MH conditions can afflict anyone, but most people acknowledge they need help and get it. So please don't use this as an excuse for his behaviour.

He wants you running round after him like a slave, and you're not playing ball. So he's being moody and sulky until you give in. Story is as old as time. DH tried this too until I told him where the door was and to use it. We had 6 months apart and funnily enough he's never tried it again since....

I feel guilty even posting this because it doesn’t paint full picture he is a good man. I just need him to cheer the fuck up and realise how good he has it and take responsibility and stop acting so hard done by. I can cope without him but I can’t do it to my children. And people would be shocked and the lovely fella he is it be me the witch

No one here thinks he’s some kind of monster with no positives OP, but you can’t hide his massive lack of respect for you behind his good points.

Then, carry on as you are op. Enjoy.

All I've read here from you, dear OP, are excuses and denials. "He's a good man (despite everything I've written)", "he's shy", "he has anxiety and depression"...

What are you not seeing, what are you not getting, when you re-read your posts?

Why did you create this thread if all you want to do is hear reassurances from us that he is actually quite nice and that all will be well, and cannot bear to read us all criticising him?

You need to make another ultimatum this time, and to actually stick to it.

Don't waste your chances of happiness and your life any more, if he truly won't try to change.

I know I’m making excuses for him. I just want him to realise he is wrong and appreciate me. I’m going to just be cool with him for a week see will he realise how wrong he is. I told my mum if he doesn’t get help I’m leaving him.

You know he's being unfair on you so what are you willing to do about it?

I had to smile when you said the dog was a bone of contention OP 🤣

He isn't a good man and he's taking the absolute piss out of you. He's selfish, self-absorbed and almost completely useless. He will continue to take complete advantage of you because you allow it. Life is too short for this bullshit, and your resentment is going to consume you.

So to make you happy he only has to be happy not do his fair share ....why ask so little from a relationship?

Many women have anxiety and depression yet we have no flipping choice but to crack on with coping with juggling work,kids,the house etc

Also most women with depression will seek help with their mental health issues.

It seems to be okay for blokes to not do anything about it and use it as an excuse to pile yet more shit onto their exhausted wives shoulders.

I'm so fed up of reading about couples who both work full time but one of said couple being a lazy arsehole of a man who seems to think his only job is too work and not do his fair share.

And then comes the obligatory "but I lurve him he's a good father and not really all that bad"

No love,he's a POS who doesn't respect you and isn't really a good dad because he wouldn't let the mother of his kids run herself into the ground.

I would be telling him that when you split all the work for
The dog will be on him plus all the work for the DC EOW as a minimum.

Have you written down how much leisure time and alone time you both get.

Do you get up first Mon-Fri?

I think he could be jealous that you are happy with your life.

I wish I had a wife like you, OP. You seem to be perfectly happy with your workload and almost perfectly happy with your lazy good-for-nothing husband, so what you need to think about is how to stop him taking you for granted

Tell him you’ll rehome the dog so he doesn’t have to walk it, and see if that’ll please him.

Spoiler alert: it won’t.
Then you should get rid of him and keep the dog.

Sorry I don’t work full time I work 25 hrs that’s why I’m happy to do most chores cooking I work school hours the two day I am out of house I am home at 6 normally. I’d be happy if he took over dog when he here and that was it but apparently it’s harder than keeping a family house running

Tell him you'll walk the dog on weekends if he does everything else you do the rest of the week & Weekend? And then stick to it. See how long it takes him to come begging to just have to walk the dog on the weekend 🤷‍♀️

You keep saying he's a good man but he doesn't sound like one.

You say he puts family first but it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he begrudges having to do anything for his family / his dog.

He doesn't care when you're sick. He doesn't want to listen to your concerns about workload. He sulks and gives you the silent treatment. He won't apologise or consider he might be in the wrong. This is far from a good man.

Even if he is depressed, it doesn't give him a free pass to be lazy, selfish and unkind. If he might be ill he should see a doctor for his sake and for his wife and children's sakes. If he can't even be bothered to do that then he doesn't much care about the misery he's putting you through.

He is a good man
v
I cried all day and he ignored me

Good people don't do that. You are mistaking him being good sometimes for him being a 'good person'. He's often shitty to you and dismisses your feelings. It doesn't matter if he spends the rest of his time buying you flowers and making you cocktails: good people don't ignore the anguish of others, especially not those they claim to love.

I know I’m making excuses for him.

Yes and that stnce of yours does you no favours at all. It just plays into his hands

I just want him to realise he is wrong and appreciate me.
These types of men think they are right all the bloody time and he will never appreciate you as long as he is alive. You're there to serve him and his wants/needs. You are but of secondary concern to him and you are certainly not on his prioroity list.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from you two?.

Are you confusing love here with codependency?. His actions towards you are rooted in abusing you, they are certainly not loving ones.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up? What sort of an example did your parents show you?.

Everybody has some good aspects of their personality. Everybody. Even probably ted bundy and hitler. Being nice sometimes does not a good person make.

So I’m sitting eating my dinner he walks in starts putting leftovers in food waste I said what are you doin he said going to make my dinner, I told him when the hell have I never made him dinner 😡 still no apology or thank you for dinner 😡

I’m going to just be cool with him for a week see will he realise how wrong he is

I can save you a week of your time, he won't suddenly have an epiphany in seven days because you've been a bit quiet. If he was that perceptive you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Sorry OP I think you're being wildly optimistic there.

Thought he was a good person?