Strange behaviour

[Austrianmilk]

I've had to name change for this as frankly I'm quite embarrassed for anyone IRL finding out.
Been married for 12 years, together for 15. Both have children from previous marriages. OH is older than me and retired at 50 and has worked part time for the last 8 years. He is quite reserved, no hobbies and is pretty much glued to the TV/YouTube whereas I've a good circle of friends so there's always a coffee and catch up or a gym class to go along to. I've also got siblings so again there's maybe the odd shopping day/birthday afternoon tea type thing.
We have a family calendar and all appointments etc are put under each person's name. I was updating May and noticed these little circles at the side on various dates. I decided to look back through the calendar and yet more little circles, again only against certain dates.
It transpires that these are ONLY against dates when I've say met a pal for a brew or been to a baby shower type thing. So OH has literally been keeping count of every "social" event I have ever been to this year! Bear in mind I've not been "out out", I don't drink alcohol, have a demanding job and still have my son at home who I spend a lot of time with etc. I'm also a carer to my remaining parent so get very little "me" time as it is. Now I feel like I can't arrange or say "yes" to an invite again.
Does anyone else think this is odd behaviour??

I think he is literally counting the dots!! 😂

Weird!

Has this guy been crapped on before OP? I'm wondering if it's so he can note that you were out that day if he needs to 'cross reference' at a future point?? I only say this as when I was crapped on I was busy for a while 'cross referencing' against my diary!! Mad I know

Evil!🤣🤣🤣

You know what OP? I reckon he may just be doing this so he can see at a glance the days you are away (prob so he knows he'll have to walk the dog/cook/wash his own undies). Possibly nothing more sinister than that.

You saying you now won't be able to go away any more is a batshit response to ...well, you don't even know what it is until you've asked him 🤷‍♀️

Seems a bit strange when the plans you have are literally on the calender!
I'm invested now though and need to know what he says when you ask him. Good luck x

Does he get funny if you go out or meet friends,

Ok....so I gave in and called him as I couldn't sit on it until he got home. Wow...huge eruption. It appears that I'm "never" at home so yes...he's been counting up how many times I've done stuff out of the house.

Oh my word. How insidious and controlling. You are an adult, and free to do as you please in your own time, please ensure you never forget that! It's so easy to slip into being controlled more and more.

Sounds like he needs to get a life rather than minise yours

Oh dear op .

Definitely very odd behaviour. He sounds very dull company and needs some friends, interests and a social life. Do you have any joint friends and social times?

This seems very odd behaviour! Instead of talking to you if he felt you were out too often, he's kept a coded log. Do you think he's feeling resentful? Does he have the option to leave the house to meet pals too?

Does he stop you going out/moan about it? What is the point of it?

That's really quite errm disturbing. So instead of voicing his opinion (which is ridiculous anyway) he's taken to , not so secretly, monitoring your movements.

OK so it was exactly what it appeared to be. Please don't let him stop you having this very modest and totally normal social life. It's not your fault he chooses to sit in front of the TV all the time.

His lack of social life shouldn't curtail yours.
I'd start writing your outings in bigger letters, just to prove a petty point, you understand. 😉

Stick a triangle for every evening he's sat at home on his phone or YouTube.

In all seriousness what a completely childish way to react. What he should do is sit down and discuss it with you, like a grown adult if he misses your or wants to spend time with you. Not be completely passive aggressive and 'keep track'.

What he needs to understand is that you're not doing anything wrong by going out and socialising, the same way as he's not doing anything wrong staying at home. Neither is right and neither has the right to control what the other does. If he's unhappy with the set up, he should talk to you like a grown man.

Oh! Well, that's creepy. And a bit disturbing!

The fact that he obviously doesn't like you going out so much (you don't by the way) isn't great, but the way he's gone about logging it , is even worse somehow.

We do spend a fair bit of time together but it's usually at home. We do go for the odd pub tea out and walk the dogs together a few days a week. No joint friends at all. Mine are a small handful that I've had for years and he knows a lot of people but never meets up with any of them.

He never ever used to pass a single comment about me doing anything socially or family related. It's more recently he's been questioning me about my plans eg what are you doing Saturday? I'll usually answer that I'm not sure and will have to check. Clearly someone has already been checking!

How awful that he'd do this rather than talk like a normal sensible person. "Never at home." Pfft. More like a resentment that you dare be sociable, outgoing and friendly. And it's not like you're getting pissed on these occasions as you don't drink. What an idiot. And he's meant to be your life partner? 😕😡

Oh dear.

So he’s been keeping a not very subtle tally chart.

So he views this as the correct course of action over just talking to you about how he feels. Keeping track so he can throw a strop at some point with accurate stats to back it up. Solid plan

Hope you manage to get it sorted op

Not going out with his own friends is fine.
As is you going out with yours.
I would be having a really serious conversation about his sneaky, snidey monitoring and his eruption when you questioned the marks on the calendar.
Red flag behaviour can appear in any relationship, even 15 years in.