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Relationships

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Original poster

Can we talk age gaps - how big is yours if you have one?

97 replies

davidtennantsmistress · 15/02/2008 13:58

XH was 6 months younger than me, but it was fine (he was immature at times yes but anyhow)

i've rencent met & rather like a chap who's a lot older (as in i'm 25 and he's 38). whilst previously I have chatted to people who have been 32-35 ish. it's always been quite casual and friendly, where as this chap is thinking 5/6 years ahead type thing, when he's 44/45 and i'm 30/31, and is worried about things - ie that really I'm after a young and buff man.

tbh i'm not bothered at all - if I was then I wouldn't be seeing him again, and have tried saying that I can't tell him where i'll be in 5 years time if even with him etc etc, but still he's worrying.

so do you ahve a gap an is is an issue?

OP posts:

lou33 · 18/02/2008 11:40

exh was 5 yrs older, i have had 2 bf's since we split, who have been 11yrs 3m and 10y 9 m younger

Age was not an issue in any relationship

jesuswhatnext · 18/02/2008 15:53

my dh is 36, i'm 45, we have been together since he was 23, our dd is 16 - age truly is a number (i think it's because i'm immature and he is old for his years, but what the hell, it works)

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 18/02/2008 17:05

jwn - that seems to be how we're doing things right now! lol. he's scared me off a little today thou by saying we're a couple - are you a couple after a few weeks these days? - does this mean going steady then - oooh er! lol.

OP posts:

ZippiBabes · 18/02/2008 17:17

im surprised if people think youn are a couple of that amount of time

i am absolutely sure im not a couple bu t i guess it depends

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 18/02/2008 18:18

well this is it - i'm sure we're not in a couple - after all I am still talking/seeing the other chappy - who i've know a hell of a lot longer. ooh er - might be time not to talk to him for a few days and ignore his calls?

OP posts:

ZippiBabes · 18/02/2008 18:22

sounds a bit like he has very fixed ideas and is very keen to have a commitment

a bit creepy really

talking like you are in for the long haul

i think i met the guy i am seeing 5 months ago
admittedly i havent seen him a lot but we have spent weekends to gether and we are no way committed

probably never will be tho

but i would feel a bit odd calling him my boyfriend

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 18/02/2008 18:30

well exactly - calling the other blokey my partner would be fine (age gap not so much of an issue - only 11 years not 13) and he's so much more chilled about it. but the other one who I was originally asking about said today 'I don't like being shut out, I want to help, it's what being part of a couple is all about' this is after I'd said this am that I wanted some time alone to think things out. (don't want to rush into anything basically)

I did say to him yesterday am before i'd been asked out for the drink, that i'm not looking to rush into anything & basically won't be divorced for another 2 years - his reply was to see what happens - but then by saying part of a couple to me isn't seeing what happens is it?

or is this now just me being fussy after finding my own independance again? I've said to him from the start I love having my own space - and I need a lot of it so that shouldn't be a shock to him.

OP posts:

ZippiBabes · 18/02/2008 18:33

i think he sounds a bit pressurising the sort that could be stifling maybe

i am very wary of appearing too bunny boilerish with this guy i am seeing

so i am cautious about anything that suggest we are an item

so i tend to think that someone who pushes that after a few weeks is a bit dodgy and possessive

Original poster

davidtennantsmistress · 18/02/2008 18:37

that's what i'm worried about - been there done that in 2 relationships incl XH deffo not going to go into it again - but can honestly say he's not like any other man i've met to date, least he treats me well - then again actually he's always moaning about lack of money - should seriously be in my boat and then moan about it! lol. (haven't told him anything of my goings on)

OP posts:

Emprexia · 18/02/2008 18:38

DH is 13.5 years older than me. He's 41 this year, i'll be 27.

We've been married 4 years and met at my 20th Birthday bash. It wasn't an issue for us, although i did question it for the first couple of weeks before i just thought sod it.. see how it goes... my parents and brother were a little dubious, but i was working full time, had my own car.. etc.. they felt i was old enough to make my own choices.

We have had our ups and downs, but things seem to be on the up.

ZippiBabes · 18/02/2008 18:43

i would worry that someone who seems very er focussed in his approach to dating would turn a bit nasty if you wanted out..especially with the time wasting comment

i once dated a guy that i said from the start was really just friends but he made me go out with him and then he went loopy when i stopped seeing him and went out with someone else and said i owed him money he had spent going out withs me

FatBellyJones · 18/02/2008 21:27

my exh was 25 years older than me, current dp is 13 years younger.. I know which I prefer

JustTra · 25/02/2008 14:50

I'm 36 and my bloke is 51 going on about 11. Our ages have never been an issue and we've just had our first baby.

mumblesmummy · 25/02/2008 15:01

Fiance is 5 years older than me and I think it bothers him a tiny little bit when he actually thinks about it, but it doesn't bother me. I love it because I'm 22 and still a bit dippy, and he looks after me coz he's a proper man and provider so it's just perfect. I don't think age matters. Until the guys like 80 and you have to look after them lol.

5 years obviously isn't a lot tho.

mumblesmummy · 25/02/2008 15:03

Also Davidtennantsmistress, I think when it's spot on, you know straight away. I used to play games, and be all 'should I, shouldn't I' and 'how do I REALLy feel' and 'do i need space'. Then met DP and it was all straight out of the window and we were just together every day after that. We love it. We're like best friends too.

pagwatch · 25/02/2008 15:14

My DH is 7 years younger than me. He proposed on his 20th birthday and we have been married for 19 years !

Still beaten by my motrher though who now has a boyfriend who is 15 years younger than her. She is 75 this year whilst boyfriend has just turned 60.
Really wish she wouldn't talk to me about it

debbsyandsonn · 27/02/2008 20:49

hiya hun just checking in on you email me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

beaniesteve · 27/02/2008 22:10

6 years younger. I am 38

angiebaby78 · 03/03/2008 15:43

my dp was 34 yrs older than me (long story) he died nearly three years ago . Still in shock i think.

FioFio · 03/03/2008 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

izzybiz · 03/03/2008 15:48

I am only 3 years older than Dh, but his sister is 15 years older than her Dp! They have 2 children together, she had their first at 39 and 2nd at 42!

Pinkchampagne · 03/03/2008 15:51

My ex husband was 6 years older than me, but he certainly didn't act it!
My new boyfriend is 2 years older.

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