Please can I hear success stories from you - me in one country - DH in another

[tasjaSAmuminUK]

We have been living in the UK for just over 4 years now. Due to the fact that I can't find work here (if I get work, childcare is to much, will only get £20 a week out) we decided that me and our DD will go back to SA. We have debt in the UK and the fact that I'm not working only increases our debt. So I'm going back to SA, get a job and support myself and DD and build a new life for us in SA. Will stay with my parents at first till I'm on my feet.

We worked out that it will be about 3 years that DH will have to stay in the UK. We will see each other hopefulle twice during a year. June holidays and December holidays.

Anyone else out there that is doing something like this and are still close with their DH/DW? We are determined to let it work out this way. we are going to be stong and stick it out. Don't wont bad debt one day.

Good luck xxx

"Attila, a lot of people do make this work. The UK is full of immigrants who are living here as cheaply as they can and sending money home to their families. If it's part of a shared dream of making a better life, you can get strength to get through these things".

This is true but many such workers are single and are without a partner and or dependent children. Money is often sent back to the wider family unit.

In this instance there is a mother and daughter who will be apart from the husband/dad respectively because of incurred debt. The indebtedness is not worth risking a marriage over.

Good luck to you Tasja.

so what has changed? according to

this thread you were going now and dh was coming over in August. Why has this suddenly changed? There's a huge diffeence between tying up the debt and going over in August and going over in three years.

tasha, to answer your question about living apart, my (now) dh and i did this for 3 years, he lived in london and i was in south africa ... we saw each other about every 4 months. I then decided to re-locate and come to london to be with him., after a 3 year relationship between 2 countries. I didnt have a child and that is another factor you will have to consider.
It can work, but the downside is that you so miss doing the small things together, a cup of coffee together, lying on the couch watching tv etc ... and you spend a lot of time waiting for the next visit. It does trap you between london and south africa (well it did us, and we never went anywhere else, although we always did special things in sa like kruger park hence the name!!) For me the greatest downside was the waiting, the longing to be together, feeling that every occasion would have been better if dh was there ... however we did it, we laughed, talked, emailed, skyed our way through it, and because we couldnt have a physcial relationship, we spoke, and talked and got to know each other so well, so there are benefits! ... if you are going to do it, i believe you have to have a time limit on it, an end to it, and that you both have a goal (to be rid of debt) that will bind you together if your decision. I wish you luck in whatever your choice ...

This is not what you want...
but have you tried getting work as a nanny?

Or working with special needs children?

Something a bit off track from your regular teaching but not too much different iyswim?

Sorry, I know you have it all finalised and you are leaving but still wanted to ask...

Where abouts are you at present?

Anyway, all the best. I hope it works out and as people have already said 'skype and webcams' are the way forward.

I stuck it for 1 year and it wasn't too bad. Tough but manageable. You can do it if you really want to.