Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lack of sex

62 replies

witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 13:31

My husband never really wants to have sex anymore. We’re down to about every other week and I normally initiate. At the weekend he will stay up late watching tv and in the week we’re often both quite knackered. I also feel generally we’re less affectionate, eg kissing etc. This morning I started to touch him, I was going to give him a quick HJ. He was getting aroused but then said I need to get up! I don’t know what to think! I feel rejected and my mind is working overtime.
He said he’s just stressed with work at the moment but it’s never mattered before.
Thoughts??

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 15/04/2023 13:37

Getting older? Boredom? Affair?
It’s impossible to tell.
You are the only one who is in the relationship and can figure it out.

Specso · 15/04/2023 13:42

The sudden wanting to get up and leave when something was about to happen is pretty odd behaviour. Stress at work can cause a loss of interest in sex but that can also be a common excuse when you try and start a discussion about it.

Have you noticed anything else out of the ordinary with his behaviour? I don't want to be that person suggesting he's seeing someone else but it's worth having a think whether anything else has changed. Lack of affection, dwindling interest in sex and especially jumping up and leaving when things were about to get intimate could point to him feeling guilty in some way.

Again, I'm not suggesting you jump to any conclusions. It is difficult if you've tried asking him and not got very far. How long has he been like this? Did he seem to change all of a sudden?

Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 13:55

Specso · 15/04/2023 13:42

The sudden wanting to get up and leave when something was about to happen is pretty odd behaviour. Stress at work can cause a loss of interest in sex but that can also be a common excuse when you try and start a discussion about it.

Have you noticed anything else out of the ordinary with his behaviour? I don't want to be that person suggesting he's seeing someone else but it's worth having a think whether anything else has changed. Lack of affection, dwindling interest in sex and especially jumping up and leaving when things were about to get intimate could point to him feeling guilty in some way.

Again, I'm not suggesting you jump to any conclusions. It is difficult if you've tried asking him and not got very far. How long has he been like this? Did he seem to change all of a sudden?

Oh don’t worry about jumping to conclusions, I’ve already jumped to all of them!
it’s been going on for about 2 months I guess. I don’t see how he could be having an affair because he’s at work or at home. He’s not working late suddenly or developed a new social life beyond what he had before.
The jumping up thing is weird. What man doesn’t want a HJ with no need to reciprocate?!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/04/2023 15:56

What man doesn’t want a HJ with no need to reciprocate

Your husband. He'd be the one to ask about this, not us. If you don't believe the first answer he gave, tell him so, and ask him again. There could be a million reasons. Why the devil do you think we'd know?

Maze76 · 15/04/2023 18:25

@witnessprotection73 Interesting that you say he has no time for affairs because he works regular hours.

I’m not saying your OH has had his head turned, just that working ‘regular hours’, doesn’t mean there isn’t opportunity.

My ex husband managed to conduct an emotional affair with his colleague without arousing any suspicions, he worked regular hours, no after work drinks or late nights…we are now divorced and they are living together.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 15/04/2023 18:50

Could it be that he has been having erectile dysfunction? He might avoid things if he's worried about being able to perform.

everlastinghope · 15/04/2023 18:53

Has he been watching a lot of porn lately?

Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 18:59

Watchkeys · 15/04/2023 15:56

What man doesn’t want a HJ with no need to reciprocate

Your husband. He'd be the one to ask about this, not us. If you don't believe the first answer he gave, tell him so, and ask him again. There could be a million reasons. Why the devil do you think we'd know?

Thanks for your input. Obviously I’m not the only person to have gone through this so just trying gauge opinion.

OP posts:
Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 19:00

everlastinghope · 15/04/2023 18:53

Has he been watching a lot of porn lately?

Probably! I know he watches after I’ve gone to bed. I don’t care but could that be it?

OP posts:
Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 19:22

MoonbeamsGlittering · 15/04/2023 18:50

Could it be that he has been having erectile dysfunction? He might avoid things if he's worried about being able to perform.

I don’t think it’s that.

OP posts:
Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 19:27

Maze76 · 15/04/2023 18:25

@witnessprotection73 Interesting that you say he has no time for affairs because he works regular hours.

I’m not saying your OH has had his head turned, just that working ‘regular hours’, doesn’t mean there isn’t opportunity.

My ex husband managed to conduct an emotional affair with his colleague without arousing any suspicions, he worked regular hours, no after work drinks or late nights…we are now divorced and they are living together.

🙁.. I’m sorry to hear this. I really hope it’s not that!

OP posts:
GayParis · 15/04/2023 19:42

Watchkeys · 15/04/2023 15:56

What man doesn’t want a HJ with no need to reciprocate

Your husband. He'd be the one to ask about this, not us. If you don't believe the first answer he gave, tell him so, and ask him again. There could be a million reasons. Why the devil do you think we'd know?

You weren't at school the day they taught rhetorical questions were you?

Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 19:47

GayParis · 15/04/2023 19:42

You weren't at school the day they taught rhetorical questions were you?

Show quote history

And you were clearly off when they did the lesson on being kind! 🙄

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/04/2023 19:49

Thanks @GayParis. Funny and clever.

Seaoftroubles · 15/04/2023 21:06

I agree with a the PP who mentioned the 'guilty' reaction when you were initiating intimacy. This is not normal behaviour and would certainly indicate something is 'off'.It could be anxiety about E.D but l think you'd have noticed. Also, sorry to say, but men can always find time for affairs. Is he possessive about his phone by any chance?

Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 21:21

Seaoftroubles · 15/04/2023 21:06

I agree with a the PP who mentioned the 'guilty' reaction when you were initiating intimacy. This is not normal behaviour and would certainly indicate something is 'off'.It could be anxiety about E.D but l think you'd have noticed. Also, sorry to say, but men can always find time for affairs. Is he possessive about his phone by any chance?

Hes not possessive about his phone. Often leaves it lying around & I have the pin if I wanted to look- I haven’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 21:24

But I agree something is off.

OP posts:
Isthereanicknamenotused · 15/04/2023 21:32

What is HJ

Runaround50 · 15/04/2023 21:49

How old is your DH?

Possibilities could be ED? Too much porn after hours? Affair? Stress?Illness?

Runaround50 · 15/04/2023 21:50

Diabetes is a big one for ED.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 15/04/2023 21:52

Is there affection between you in between having sex? Lack of affection can cause distance and could make sexual intimacy awkward.

Flowersun6 · 15/04/2023 21:54

I have no issue with porn as long as its not taking my place when it comes to sex.
How old are you both?

TomatoSandwiches · 15/04/2023 21:57

Sorry but my step father had an entirely second life for 14 years without raising any suspicion... you would be incredibly surprised and dismayed at what a man can achieve with the right motivation op.

Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 21:59

Isthereanicknamenotused · 15/04/2023 21:32

What is HJ

Hand Job- sorry if TMI!

OP posts:
Original poster
witnessprotection73 · 15/04/2023 22:00

Runaround50 · 15/04/2023 21:49

How old is your DH?

Possibilities could be ED? Too much porn after hours? Affair? Stress?Illness?

We’re both 48

OP posts: