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Original poster

Fight with husband 8 week old baby

55 replies

yvonneb13 · 15/04/2023 13:01

Me and DH have been fighting now for 2 days now because apparently "what do I do all day" we gave a 8 week old and yes I've let the house work slide and washing well today it came to a head because he asked me that question I'm so angry and upset because I'm trying my hardest this coming from the guy who doesn't do any night feeds because he "works" all day don't get me wrong when he's good he's really good he takes the baby and Is a great dad but it's me he seems to have a problem with because "I don't work" the house shopping baby ect should be done.
I AM PISSED OFF MAJORLY. Told him to leave because I don't wanna be around him right now he's went to his friends kinda just want him to stay there for now.

OP posts:
Original poster
yvonneb13 · 15/04/2023 13:02

I'm just looking for a rant to be honest get it off my chest lol

OP posts:
TheNachtzehrer · 15/04/2023 13:03

Are you breastfeeding? Because if not, I think it's time for you to spend the rest of the weekend somewhere else, because it's clearly past time for him to find out what you do all day by doing it himself.

Aerosarethebest · 15/04/2023 13:04

Do his friends have kids? You need him to hear from someone who knows about newborn babies that it’s very difficult to get anything at all done in the beginning.

TheNachtzehrer · 15/04/2023 13:04

Also, don't fucking "lol". This isn't funny. Being married to a lazy selfish chauvinist is about as unfunny as it gets. The time to tackle it is now.

Original poster
yvonneb13 · 15/04/2023 13:04

TheNachtzehrer · 15/04/2023 13:03

Are you breastfeeding? Because if not, I think it's time for you to spend the rest of the weekend somewhere else, because it's clearly past time for him to find out what you do all day by doing it himself.

Formula that's not a bad idea to be honest. The cheek of it honestly

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 15/04/2023 13:10

Seriously, don't accept his crappy behaviour.

If he thinks you don't do anything all day, he won't mind stepping in to your shoes and having the baby for a couple of days while you go and visit someone.

(BTW that doesn't mean you preparing bottles and outfits in advance, it means him taking on full parenting duties).

But seriously his lack of respect for you is shocking.

Possiblynotever · 15/04/2023 13:11

Ditch him. It's only going to get worst.

ZekeZeke · 15/04/2023 13:13

Go away foe a weekend on your own and leave him to it.
He will soon see what you do all day

Ilovetea42 · 15/04/2023 13:15

He sounds clueless. I have a 4 month old and here is how I see it:

I'm on maternity to recover from birth, bond with and care for our child and provide childcare for that child so we don't have to pay someone else to do it. I am not on maternity to pay housekeeper or maid or cook. So I do not do these things during the hours my dh is at work. When he returns from work we are equally responsible parents end we split childcare and housework between us although I'm breastfeeding so at times I have a heavier load with the feeding element especially if cluster feeding but that's just what I've chosen to do so I accept that's just part of it. Jobs I will do (that I sure as shit was not doing with an 8 week old) are clean up after me and baby during the day, stick a wash on and receive click and collect shopping.

Gondala · 15/04/2023 13:16

'You don't work' ofcourse you bloody don't you have an 8 week old baby. If you did, you'd be on maternity leave. 'What do you do all day?' 'Single handedly raise a newborn that has been abandoned by his useless father'.

SkyandSurf · 15/04/2023 13:16

Wow fuck that guy. What a dick.

If you can leave for a weekend then do. Would love to see how much he gets done.

mischlerischler · 15/04/2023 13:17

I would leave him with a baby for a weekend. Curious to see how much housework he would manage to do.

EarthSight · 15/04/2023 13:20

Does he expect you to do everything house related now that you are at home with the baby? Does he do anything regular, like washing up, washing or changing your sheets, hoovering?

Richierich77 · 15/04/2023 13:24

I had to get a cleaner when my DD was tiny as I barely had time to shower before lunchtime & was so tired I couldn’t be bothered anyway. Make him do more of what you’re doing, he’ll soon realise

BananaBlue · 15/04/2023 13:34

8 weeks! (Congratulations!).

You are not in the wrong. I don’t know what the answers are, tbh I cannot see this getting better, but just wanted to validate that you are doing nothing wrong.

I never really managed to do housework plus mind a child (let alone a baby), and definitely not while sleep deprived, but my DH wasn’t an arse like this.

Flyg · 15/04/2023 13:37

This is depressingly common. It was said to me, I left him. Honestly makes me so angry, no advice sorry just wanted to say that anyone who has done it knows how hard having a baby is, work is comparatively a piece of piss (unless he’s a brain surgeon or something, he isn’t, is he?)
I don’t know how you can open his eyes to how wrong he is. Maybe show him the replies to this, or disappear for a few days and tell him to stay home with baby doing nothing!

ApplePie20 · 15/04/2023 13:37

This was the one good thing about having a baby in lockdown. Thousands of men were forced to wfh and saw first hand how hard it is being at home with a newborn. That question ‘what have you been doing all day’ wouldn’t have even crossed DHs mind, let alone his lips. Yanbu to feel upset at him at all.

SquidwardBound · 15/04/2023 13:41

ApplePie20 · 15/04/2023 13:37

This was the one good thing about having a baby in lockdown. Thousands of men were forced to wfh and saw first hand how hard it is being at home with a newborn. That question ‘what have you been doing all day’ wouldn’t have even crossed DHs mind, let alone his lips. Yanbu to feel upset at him at all.

That was not my experience of having a lockdown baby and a husband WFH. I think it very much depends on the man. Maybe yours isn’t an ungrateful wanker who cannot see beyond the end of his own nose and doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Some of us made poorer choices.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 15/04/2023 13:41

He started an argument with you so he could get to go and spend the day with his mate guilt-free while you spend another day looking after the baby.

Get him home and you go out, preferably overnight and come back tomorrow evening and tell him you expect the house to be spotless, the baby clean, fed and calm and him to be hugely apologetic.

ApplePie20 · 15/04/2023 13:44

SquidwardBound · 15/04/2023 13:41

That was not my experience of having a lockdown baby and a husband WFH. I think it very much depends on the man. Maybe yours isn’t an ungrateful wanker who cannot see beyond the end of his own nose and doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Some of us made poorer choices.

Show quote history

I’m sorry you didn’t have the same experience x

Original poster
yvonneb13 · 15/04/2023 13:45

I'm so angry thanks for all your replies he's away out probs end up in the pub no doubt absolute wanker

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 15/04/2023 13:47

He's a git. It's all so new for you ans maternity leave is to heal and bond - not to be his cleaner. I must admit that now I also have a toddler (I'm on mat leave with a 10 week old) I do miss the days of lying on the sofa or hanging out in beer gardens coffee shops all day when I just had a baby 😁 but all are different and he needs to change his attitude,

SquidwardBound · 15/04/2023 14:01

ApplePie20 · 15/04/2023 13:44

I’m sorry you didn’t have the same experience x

Show quote history

So am I. Sadly we sometimes learn who someone is later than we should.

there are definitely better men out there, as you know.

bussteward · 15/04/2023 14:06

Ilovetea42 · 15/04/2023 13:15

He sounds clueless. I have a 4 month old and here is how I see it:

I'm on maternity to recover from birth, bond with and care for our child and provide childcare for that child so we don't have to pay someone else to do it. I am not on maternity to pay housekeeper or maid or cook. So I do not do these things during the hours my dh is at work. When he returns from work we are equally responsible parents end we split childcare and housework between us although I'm breastfeeding so at times I have a heavier load with the feeding element especially if cluster feeding but that's just what I've chosen to do so I accept that's just part of it. Jobs I will do (that I sure as shit was not doing with an 8 week old) are clean up after me and baby during the day, stick a wash on and receive click and collect shopping.

Same! And in fact my DP works from home and has far more freedom and ability to stick on and hang out a wash, load the dishwasher, clean, etc, in his lunch break/what would have been his commute times/his wandering around the house “thinking” breaks Hmm

At eight weeks I was firmly planted on the sofa with a packet of biscuits and a baby on me. Nine months to brew a baby, and all the toll on your body that takes, before we even get to childbirth; eight weeks to recover is nothing! Nothing! Even at four months when the baby is a bit more put-downable and the feeding has slowed from “every minute” to “every other minute” if I get a break I’m spending it sleeping, not choring.

usererror99 · 15/04/2023 14:14

So are you saying you haven't put a single wash or on cleaned the house in 8 weeks?