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Original poster

DH on mixed WhatsApp group now deleting messages

64 replies

Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:04

Hi long time lurker first time poster,

So late last year my Dh joined a WhatsApp group, it was all men with male banter which I was fine with I also used to have a look at it as I also enjoy the banter (I never posted just used to read it as it was all male) but for the last couple of months I’ve noticed women joining there’s about 8-10 maybe more in the group now and very active in it, the men of the group swooning over them when they post a pic of themselves. My husband wasn’t very active in the group beforehand and would pass me his phone and say have a look at this or read this which he don’t do anymore. I have had a look and a few times he has replied to these women, and now he seems to be deleting the chat so it’s got me wondering what is he now writing 🤔 I have a bit of an idea as after he had deleted the chat I saw someone quote and reply to him saying something like “nice cum shot” I hadn’t seen the pic to which my Dh had wrote that to as he had deleted it. Am I right in being pissed off? Would you be? He don’t have much of a social life these days and anytime he goes out is with me and the kids so I thought it was nice that he had these blokes to chat with but now he’s replying to all these women too who tbh from what comes out of their mouths are as bad as the men! Im thinking of waiting until he is asleep and sending the link to my phone from his to the group then archiving the message so that I can keep an eye on it (don’t know if I can even do that but I’m gonna try) He’s always been very trustworthy and gave me no reason to snoop on his phone or be sneaky before as we have the same passcodes and he isn’t protective of his phone he just now deletes the messages after he has wrote something instead 🤬 would you confront him now or be sneaky like me and see what’s being said? Or am I just over reacting?

OP posts:
Izzy54321 · 13/04/2023 19:15

Follow your gut if something seems off I would be checking. Now the person who owns the phone can archive chats but you cannot send them to your phone unless forwarding them from your husbands phone in real time. I would be checking the phone if I was you especially after your husband has been typing if he won’t let you see you have your answer. Now before anyone comes for me about privacy sod that when it’s a marriage on the line. Most of us would be doing the same.

DoTrollsShitInTheThreads · 13/04/2023 19:17

You can restore deleted messages on WhatsApp. Just Google how to do it x

IhearyouClemFandango · 13/04/2023 19:18

Who are these people?

Irritateandunreasonable · 13/04/2023 19:19

F* THAT!

I would be furious quite frankly. Obviously he’s being a total dick on that chat.

Bao · 13/04/2023 19:22

A weird dirty group chat. How bizarre. How certain are you that he doesn't meet up with them? Sounds like he send a picture of him cumming?

Weallgottachangesometime · 13/04/2023 19:22

If he isn’t protective and knows you look at the messages in the group sometimes, then why not ask why he’s deleting messages and why he thought messaging about a “cum shot” was ok?

Weallgottachangesometime · 13/04/2023 19:22

How do these people all know each other?

Exhibity · 13/04/2023 19:25

Weallgottachangesometime · 13/04/2023 19:22

How do these people all know each other?

This ☝️
You don't just happen to fall into a WhatsApp chat group.

WheelsUp · 13/04/2023 19:27

He's deleting message because he knows that they are not ok.

HazyDragon · 13/04/2023 19:30

The entire thing sounds bizarre. So many weird threads on here tonight.

Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:35

It’s just the link to the group I want to send to myself, then I’m going to archive the group in my own WhatsApp so that if he ever goes on my phone he won’t see it unless he was to look at my archived chats. At the mo I’m just keeping my eye on it to see how sleezy he really is, but that’s a good idea about asking for it just after he has been typing away. I usually say to him let’s have a look because mine is boring at the moment and he usually gives it straight over, this has only been going on the last couple of weeks so I’m going to say that again and see if he says hold on a minute and deletes anything there and then before passing it to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:36

DoTrollsShitInTheThreads · 13/04/2023 19:17

You can restore deleted messages on WhatsApp. Just Google how to do it x

I looked how to do it but I’m a bit shit with technology and don’t know how to 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
EarthSight · 13/04/2023 19:37

You're not overreacting. He's acting inappropriately and I think the reason why he deleted that message was probably because he was joining in complementing these random women, at the very least.

The highly sexual nature of this group chat is making me wonder where these women have come from.

Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:39

Bao · 13/04/2023 19:22

A weird dirty group chat. How bizarre. How certain are you that he doesn't meet up with them? Sounds like he send a picture of him cumming?

100% certain he’s out of work at the moment with compressed disc, my guess is he is using it as a way to pass the time and just out of boredom. He was replying to something a woman had posted

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:40

Weallgottachangesometime · 13/04/2023 19:22

How do these people all know each other?

They don’t know each other in person they are all scattered around the country he got the link from a mate of his

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:44

EarthSight · 13/04/2023 19:37

You're not overreacting. He's acting inappropriately and I think the reason why he deleted that message was probably because he was joining in complementing these random women, at the very least.

The highly sexual nature of this group chat is making me wonder where these women have come from.

My thoughts exactly, the dinamics of the group has changed so much since the women are in it and I said to him when I saw them posting pics of themselves that they just want an ego boost and getting exactly that from a load of dirty men so he knows my thoughts on it and now he is doing this. I’m keeping quiet for now because of the children being at home but tomorrow they are staying at my parents for the night so we can go for a meal and have a night to ourselves, not sure wether I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut now

OP posts:
shutthewindownow · 13/04/2023 19:52

This just sounds so weird and horrible. So a woman posted a pic of herself and your husband said nice cum shot ? That is disgusting and I would seriously be questioning the sort of man I'm married to. How old is he 16 !!!!! You need to do something about this but I think you have a bigger problem if this is the sort of thing he wants to be involved In to be honest. It really is sad

SunnyLion · 13/04/2023 19:56

How grim.
A random WhatsApp group where strangers are messaging each other god knows what.
No way I'd put up with that!

EmilyGilmoresSass · 13/04/2023 19:57

Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:35

It’s just the link to the group I want to send to myself, then I’m going to archive the group in my own WhatsApp so that if he ever goes on my phone he won’t see it unless he was to look at my archived chats. At the mo I’m just keeping my eye on it to see how sleezy he really is, but that’s a good idea about asking for it just after he has been typing away. I usually say to him let’s have a look because mine is boring at the moment and he usually gives it straight over, this has only been going on the last couple of weeks so I’m going to say that again and see if he says hold on a minute and deletes anything there and then before passing it to me

Surely if you send yourself the link to join then it will come up in the group that you've joined? And they will all see it? Whether you then archive it or not.

LadyJ2023 · 13/04/2023 19:59

Huh if he deletes messages what else in life is he hiding for real to

Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:02

EmilyGilmoresSass · 13/04/2023 19:57

Surely if you send yourself the link to join then it will come up in the group that you've joined? And they will all see it? Whether you then archive it or not.

Show quote history

There’s so many people on this group and since the women joined there is 800+ new messages throughout the night so when it shows up that new people have joined then surely with all those new messages I’m hoping not to be noticed and if he does notice me then I’ll just say I wanted to see what all the fuss is about then he will either leave it or not really be active in it anymore, if he done either of those then I would kick off with him. At the mo just keeping my cards to my chest to see what happens. I have a feeling he is trying to befriend them before any private messaging starts, so I’m holding out for now.

OP posts:
Littlepiglet123 · 13/04/2023 20:05

It's fucking weird he is in a group with random people. Didn't even know it was a thing. Can't he get a hobby? Read a book? Cook?

Daisydu · 13/04/2023 20:08

Definitely join it, try and have his phone to hand when you do so you can get rid of the notification. He won’t know you’re in the group then. And like you said archive it. Keep an eye. Screen shot things.

saying all that, what he’s doing already is wrong, so I’d be tempted to just tell him he needs to leave the group now because it’s got inappropriate. But knowing me I’d do the first thing…

Pseudonamed · 13/04/2023 20:09

I would have removed him and deleted it all to be honest but it does sound seedy.

Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:21

so I can’t join the bloody group as they have updated their joint conditions, they will only accept you now if you send a picture of yourself!!! I won’t be doing that. I’m gonna monitor it until the kids go back to school next week then have it out with him

OP posts: