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Original poster

DH on mixed WhatsApp group now deleting messages

64 replies

Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:04

Hi long time lurker first time poster,

So late last year my Dh joined a WhatsApp group, it was all men with male banter which I was fine with I also used to have a look at it as I also enjoy the banter (I never posted just used to read it as it was all male) but for the last couple of months I’ve noticed women joining there’s about 8-10 maybe more in the group now and very active in it, the men of the group swooning over them when they post a pic of themselves. My husband wasn’t very active in the group beforehand and would pass me his phone and say have a look at this or read this which he don’t do anymore. I have had a look and a few times he has replied to these women, and now he seems to be deleting the chat so it’s got me wondering what is he now writing 🤔 I have a bit of an idea as after he had deleted the chat I saw someone quote and reply to him saying something like “nice cum shot” I hadn’t seen the pic to which my Dh had wrote that to as he had deleted it. Am I right in being pissed off? Would you be? He don’t have much of a social life these days and anytime he goes out is with me and the kids so I thought it was nice that he had these blokes to chat with but now he’s replying to all these women too who tbh from what comes out of their mouths are as bad as the men! Im thinking of waiting until he is asleep and sending the link to my phone from his to the group then archiving the message so that I can keep an eye on it (don’t know if I can even do that but I’m gonna try) He’s always been very trustworthy and gave me no reason to snoop on his phone or be sneaky before as we have the same passcodes and he isn’t protective of his phone he just now deletes the messages after he has wrote something instead 🤬 would you confront him now or be sneaky like me and see what’s being said? Or am I just over reacting?

OP posts:
Anonplease2023 · 13/04/2023 21:52

Totally get a burner phone and join the group if you can use a fake profile, google images, fake name etc, or as someone previously mentioned get another sim and put in your android on dual mode, then you can just switch between the 2 numbers.

But, if it was my DH I would just say can I see that group and go through it and question him. I think doing it behind their backs so to speak just makes you more wound up cause you will hold the information in - just imo though.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 13/04/2023 22:06

Ohhh this is such bad news. Firstly, it's disrespectful to your marriage, most couples would consider it to be bordering infidelity, it's creepy and sleazy and would make me lose all respect for my spouse.

With my professional hat on, these kind of "group chats" with sexualised content attract highly vulnerable adults and sometimes minors and often result in police and social work involvement. They are often used as a basis for scams and extortion. From your husband's perspective, this is a very bad idea to get involved in, both for his marriage and his own wellbeing.

Specso · 13/04/2023 22:07

Is this really a thing? A WhatsApp group with hundreds of random strangers who have sleazy banter all day and night?

If it’s just to be social and pass the time chatting why wouldn’t he be in WhatsApp groups with people he actually knows? Sounds like the intention is to be sleazy.

It’s just bizarre, tell him to get a grip and get a life.

Butteralwaysmeltsaway · 13/04/2023 22:11

These random group chats doing the rounds are rally to ensnare me.bers of the opposite sex. It is a scam. Very often the women are actually men, who then link up with a man In the chat, progress to an online private chat (just the two of them), an emotional affair starts, then the demands for money, plane tickets etc come through. This happened to a vulnerable client of mine and despite contacting police they were unable to do anything. My client handed over hundreds of pounds to what he thought was an ex model in Australia but tuned out to be Bill Blogs on Merseyside

redbigbananafeet · 13/04/2023 22:35

What could his 'nice cum shot' comment be in reply to but a sexual photo of a woman that is not you?

IhearyouClemFandango · 13/04/2023 22:41

Ugh, what a massive turnoff

QueenBitch666 · 13/04/2023 23:43

I'd run a mile from any bloke in a lads banter group. It's desperately depressing the crap some women put up with

DrGregHouseFan · 13/04/2023 23:44

This has got to be the weirdest set up ever. If that was my feller he’d be out that door on the end of my foot with that phone following behind him.

Any person who joins a random odd WhatsApp group like that whilst in a relationship is just bizarre. If you’re single then crack on if you’re not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal.

It just screams “ring” of some kind. Proper creepy men just saying dirty stuff. Enough to make a woman’s vagina dry up like the Sahara Desert. He doesn’t seem to respect you at all unfortunately. Never known anything so seedy to be honest & you deserve better.

Jellifulfruit · 14/04/2023 00:15

If it’s getting 800+ messages an evening, how would you even keep up with seeing what he’s written from his phone? You’d be scrolling for soooo long

RememberNancyDrew · 14/04/2023 00:28

It just seems the group started out as one thing and has morphed into something else - something undesirable - and so now it's time for him to quit the group.

I don't think it deserves any more than that. No LTB or anything.

PennySaline · 14/04/2023 08:31

Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:35

It’s just the link to the group I want to send to myself, then I’m going to archive the group in my own WhatsApp so that if he ever goes on my phone he won’t see it unless he was to look at my archived chats. At the mo I’m just keeping my eye on it to see how sleezy he really is, but that’s a good idea about asking for it just after he has been typing away. I usually say to him let’s have a look because mine is boring at the moment and he usually gives it straight over, this has only been going on the last couple of weeks so I’m going to say that again and see if he says hold on a minute and deletes anything there and then before passing it to me

But he will see you as a member of the group? Or will you be using your secret phone to stalk him?

LYDIAtyto · 14/04/2023 09:17

This is bad! and it's out of order!I would definitely snoop through his fone and make sure you have all evidence before you confront him.I found a dirty chat group on my husband's fone and now I wish I had messaged all their partners ect and told them what a load of perverts they are.However I didn't and when I confronted him he said he didn't know how they got there!!!!what a crock of shit!!!There's only one reason they go on these sights and it's to look and hook up with women.You need to act on it now before it starts in an emotional affair .If he respected you he shouldn't be doing it!!!!!I don't care what other women say but when your in a relationship you should be enough for your partner.I speak with experience it will knock your self esteem and make you feel like crap overtime.please don't let this happen,I wish you luck.

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 14/04/2023 10:10

I never knew such things existed! I have a hard enough time keeping up with numerous WhatsApp groups for kids sports / schools etc....
I can't imagine joining one of strangers just for the Craic!

I obviously lead a very sheltered life 😆

Do the men need to share photos of themselves? Or just the women?
It all seems very seedy

Kyokyo · 14/04/2023 13:29

Sounds a bit immature TBH. A group chat with friends ? Fine. A group chat with strangers that's ''banter'' and girls looking for attention? Sounds like something teenagers would do!

Sorry, but I would have the massive ick if it were my partner in this group

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