Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH on mixed WhatsApp group now deleting messages

64 replies

Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 19:04

Hi long time lurker first time poster,

So late last year my Dh joined a WhatsApp group, it was all men with male banter which I was fine with I also used to have a look at it as I also enjoy the banter (I never posted just used to read it as it was all male) but for the last couple of months I’ve noticed women joining there’s about 8-10 maybe more in the group now and very active in it, the men of the group swooning over them when they post a pic of themselves. My husband wasn’t very active in the group beforehand and would pass me his phone and say have a look at this or read this which he don’t do anymore. I have had a look and a few times he has replied to these women, and now he seems to be deleting the chat so it’s got me wondering what is he now writing 🤔 I have a bit of an idea as after he had deleted the chat I saw someone quote and reply to him saying something like “nice cum shot” I hadn’t seen the pic to which my Dh had wrote that to as he had deleted it. Am I right in being pissed off? Would you be? He don’t have much of a social life these days and anytime he goes out is with me and the kids so I thought it was nice that he had these blokes to chat with but now he’s replying to all these women too who tbh from what comes out of their mouths are as bad as the men! Im thinking of waiting until he is asleep and sending the link to my phone from his to the group then archiving the message so that I can keep an eye on it (don’t know if I can even do that but I’m gonna try) He’s always been very trustworthy and gave me no reason to snoop on his phone or be sneaky before as we have the same passcodes and he isn’t protective of his phone he just now deletes the messages after he has wrote something instead 🤬 would you confront him now or be sneaky like me and see what’s being said? Or am I just over reacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:22

Joining conditions *

OP posts:
WoofWoofBeachLife · 13/04/2023 20:28

Can you just download a random Internet picture?

NerrSnerr · 13/04/2023 20:31

Can you talk to him about it, maybe not his specific replies but how you feel uncomfortable about him being in a 'banter' group with randoms?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 13/04/2023 20:35

I'm guessing the women are using it to promote their onlyfans if its a random chat group? I don't really understand why you would have a WhatsApp group with random people.

JudgeRudy · 13/04/2023 20:35

I think part of the problem is he doesn't really have a life outside of you and the kids. You say he joined the group which you 'were fine with'. That almost sounds like you've permitted him to join because it's all men. Now it's not all men and you've caught glimpses of sexual talk and deletions. He's just bored and got a bit of excitement in his life for a change and he's gone all 'adolescent'. They'll be sharing pics of women with 3 tits/cocks, idiots falling off scaffolding, guys in vans (thinking they're) doing a bit of stand up, make a car chase or some guy in India building a house out of chapatis. There will be a pic or two of sexy women. Noones gonna be looking to hook up with your man. He's deleting them because he thinks it might lead to an argument. He doesn't want an argument. He's happy with you.
I guess the question is would it be a deal breaker if there was some sexual chat (bantz) going on between the members. I've heard women on here say they'd leave their OH for wanting others asking if they should go for a 3 some. There's no right or wrong but have an adult conversation

allyjay · 13/04/2023 20:39

But you know what he's doing. He's being a dirty creep, why bother with all this clandestine trying to join or see what he's saying? You know they're posting nudes and the men are commenting

IsThePopeCatholic · 13/04/2023 20:39

All sounds a bit sad and grim.

mischlerischler · 13/04/2023 20:40

Why is he is a random WhatsApp group full of strangers? Are they connected through a hobby or something similar?

It sounds very immature.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 13/04/2023 20:41

Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:21

so I can’t join the bloody group as they have updated their joint conditions, they will only accept you now if you send a picture of yourself!!! I won’t be doing that. I’m gonna monitor it until the kids go back to school next week then have it out with him

I didn't know you could even do that on a WhatsApp group. I now feel uneducated

cordelia16 · 13/04/2023 20:43

I'd be tempted to get a cheap second phone in order to temporarily sign up, using a random pic. That way your number doesn't show up to the group, but you can see what everyone is chatting about. Once you have enough information, you can then quit the group.

frozendaisy · 13/04/2023 20:49

Fucking hell the whole of the internet and he has resorted to banter and dirty pics. I would be expressing my deep disappointment on so many levels.

Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:51

JudgeRudy · 13/04/2023 20:35

I think part of the problem is he doesn't really have a life outside of you and the kids. You say he joined the group which you 'were fine with'. That almost sounds like you've permitted him to join because it's all men. Now it's not all men and you've caught glimpses of sexual talk and deletions. He's just bored and got a bit of excitement in his life for a change and he's gone all 'adolescent'. They'll be sharing pics of women with 3 tits/cocks, idiots falling off scaffolding, guys in vans (thinking they're) doing a bit of stand up, make a car chase or some guy in India building a house out of chapatis. There will be a pic or two of sexy women. Noones gonna be looking to hook up with your man. He's deleting them because he thinks it might lead to an argument. He doesn't want an argument. He's happy with you.
I guess the question is would it be a deal breaker if there was some sexual chat (bantz) going on between the members. I've heard women on here say they'd leave their OH for wanting others asking if they should go for a 3 some. There's no right or wrong but have an adult conversation

Absolutely, you are 100% correct with what you wrote he’s bored and now getting a buzz out of female interaction. I’m not one of these that will end an otherwise perfectly good marriage over it but I will be having words with him over it as I know if the boot was on the other foot he would of already had it out with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:53

allyjay · 13/04/2023 20:39

But you know what he's doing. He's being a dirty creep, why bother with all this clandestine trying to join or see what he's saying? You know they're posting nudes and the men are commenting

That’s the thing they are not posting nudes of themselves just of other bloke banter memes and dirty pics they have found on the internet then the chat turns sexual

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:54

cordelia16 · 13/04/2023 20:43

I'd be tempted to get a cheap second phone in order to temporarily sign up, using a random pic. That way your number doesn't show up to the group, but you can see what everyone is chatting about. Once you have enough information, you can then quit the group.

You sound just like me 😂 sort of advice I would give lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:54

EmilyGilmoresSass · 13/04/2023 20:41

I didn't know you could even do that on a WhatsApp group. I now feel uneducated

Show quote history

Me too! I’m clueless I’ve been Googling all sorts today about WhatsApp lol

OP posts:
IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 13/04/2023 20:57

Is this the modern equivalent of those sexy chat lines you'd see advertised on late night telly in the 90s? Meet sexy singles!

I would be less arsed about what these women were saying than I would about who they are tbh.

CalistoNoSolo · 13/04/2023 20:58

I'd get a burner phone and a fake profile pic. Its the only way to be sure.

Beautiful3 · 13/04/2023 21:02

I'd get a cheap.pay as you go phone, and use a fake what's app photo from.google images. Then join. Do it and see what he's posting.

toddlermom99 · 13/04/2023 21:02

I wouldn't be happy with this at all

whyhelloo · 13/04/2023 21:12

If your phone is Android you don't need a burner phone. Get a cheap sim card, turn on Dual Apps in settings, clone Whatsapp and set up the 2nd Whatsapp with your new sim number.

If it's iPhone i don't think you can do that, but you can download Whatsapp Business and set up your new sim on that if you think they'll let a WA Business number join the group (slightly suspicious, but it's not unheard of for people to have the same personal and business number).

I know this because I use a separate sim for my business phone, not because I'm joining weird Whatsapp groups secretly!

cordelia16 · 13/04/2023 21:18

Mrsmarpleisonthecase · 13/04/2023 20:54

You sound just like me 😂 sort of advice I would give lol

Show quote history

😂😂I think I read and watch too many crime shows haha

Mammyloveswine · 13/04/2023 21:27

Ffs he's being a creep and I would absolutely call him out on it!!

Keepingitmoving · 13/04/2023 21:35

Can’t you join the group too for the banter ;)

unfortunateevents · 13/04/2023 21:42

I don't even understand what this group is about? A mate of your DHs sent him a link to this group which is composed of hundreds of random people scattered around the country, most of whom don't know each other. How did this group even start, surely it must have had some common purpose even if it has now moved away from that? It all sounds desperate and sleazy quite frankly.

Bunce1 · 13/04/2023 21:49

So basically sex chat with randoms on the internet.

Yeah gross and crossing a line for me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread