What have I done

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I had friends over for Easter and we was all drinking the kids where playing and everyone was having a good time until I got drunk and ended up having sex with my friends ex in the bathroom. When we came out everyone knew what we had done and my friend had left. I feel so guilty I genuinely don't know what I was thinking and don't know how to fix this

It’s a very British thing that, getting off your face. And I remain thinking that really, Easter is not that. You got time off, marvelous. Why do you need to get blotto? How does that improve your bank holiday? I’m not religious, I’m not advocating ‘true meanings’ or any of that nonsense. But when things are family-oriented, if you get that drunk, you’re an idiot.

Thankyou

It wasn't family oriented it was my mates and their kids, I don't have family except my kids I grew up in care so it's not like it was a big family gathering with grandparents and in laws it was with friends

What a mess OP. I feel for you especially if he was just using you to get back at his ex. Look, it's happened nothing you can do. Just wait it out and stay away from him. It will probably be you they kick out the group though. Always the woman at fault unfortunately

@ElleMD80 I don't necessarily think it's a great thing that people get off their faces on bank holiday weekends, but it's a fact that in this country many do. Drinking is so ingrained within our culture that it's very hard for those who have problems with alcohol to give up. If you demonise OP for getting hammered this bank holiday weekend, then you demonise half the population.

Hi OP, THis is unfortunate, but I wouldn't stress too much about it. Lets face it,any damage is already done now.

If you know that you get uninhibited when you drink i think you just need to be more careful when you've been drinking in future, so you can always be sure you set a good example for your kids

Internet hugs xx

So a man saw fit to use a woman to make his ex jealous, and in fact picked a very vulnerable woman for this purpose. Meanwhile the woman's friends (who must be aware that you shouldn't be drinking?) just sat there enabling you to get absolutely hammered and increasing your vulnerability when they should have tried to stop you drinking and then either stayed to look after you when you continued to drink or left. Indeed no one, your friends included, come out of this very well.

It may well hurt to lose them but it looks like they're not very good friends, OP. You need people who will support you in your recovery, not use you or enable you and then get cross with you when you (entirely predictably) make poor decisions while drunk. I hope you can get some professional support in the short term and some better friends in the longer term.

Oh mate, the more you post the more vulnerable you sound.
Do your kids live with you full time? Breathe, take a step back. What's done is done. You can't change it. You've apologised. The best apology is changed behaviour.
Get back on the wagon ASAP. Ring we are with you tomorrow.
You know you need to prioritise getting sober to make sure your kids are safe with you. We both know you're more vulnerable to CSC involvement due to your history. Think of the kids, get sober for them, and see if you can get some therapy to explore the reasons for your drinking. Your BPD and care experience make me suspect some significant traumas for you. Please be kind to yourself. We are all learning. Do something nice for yourself.
On reflection it was a shit decision. You can just move forward from here. Don't let it drag you down. If your mates never speak to you again, it doesn't matter. It wasn't great but you didn't set out to hurt anyone. You can make new friends. Focus on staying well and giving your lovely children a non chaotic home life.

If you haven't watched any Timothy Fletcher videos on cptsd (cptsd) then I strongly encourage you to do so. You will feel like you have come home.

My kids don't live with me full time. I'm very lucky that they both have amazing dads. SS are involved but have actually been quite supportive in helping me be a better mum . I will be contacting we are with you tomorrow and my cpn is also coming round tomorrow. One of my friends has messaged me to ask if I'm OK but nobody else has bothered

Il have a look a lot of people think bpd is cptsd so il probably find it really relatable

If I was your kids sw, I'd be really worried about you right now. Not as a mum, just because you sound in a bad place. Focus your energy on using this situation as a spring board to make things better. The only way is up! You've had a rough time and no one makes the right call all the time. Forgive yourself and move forward, let it be a lesson.

Ok, so this wasn't the most ideal situation but I don't think you should be beating yourself up too much about it. I'm assuming you're in your 20's or early 30's and that's still pretty young & mistakes are made & a part of life. The fact that the ex boyfriend of your friend us still within your wider friendship group must surely show that you all get on well, regardless of a previous relationship. Both ex & your friend are allowed to move on & don't own each other. They're both allowed to shag other people. The fact that you sgagged the ex, although not ideal, shouldn't mean that your friend should storm off or get the hump! It wasn't as though you were both cheating on her! Put it down to experience & maybe cut back on the booze a bit but don't take all the blame, as the ex was also doing the exact same as you. He should also be apologising although, really, if they're exes & still friends, they're both allowed to shag who they like, which includes you if you're up for it!

Given your updates, if your friends turn their back on you they are not friends worth having. I have nothing to say about the arsehole that took advantage of you. Good luck OP hope you feel better soon

OP, no judgment here. I'm a recovering alcoholic and AA has saved my life but before I got sober I made many stupid decisions and behaved like a complete dickhead to everyone around me.

An alcoholic of my type can never "just have one" or "be careful" or "drink like a normal person" - I simply cannot drink safely, as any amount of alcohol sets off the addiction, and then I'm no longer in the driving seat - the addiction is.

I will send you a PM if that's ok x

By the way- I should have added before- I'm not sure your friends are all that "safe". One of them has taken advantage of your vulnerability and obviously doesn't care one dot about hurting his so called friends all because he wants to make his ex jealous. Furthermore your other friends were happily seeing you get pissed up and surely know your history. Who had your back?

You deserve better.

I hope you are doing ok OP. It’s not a great situation but please use this experience to help you give up alcohol for good.

Hope you're ok, op

Sooo glad that one of your friends has been in touch. And the point about - well, it wasn't phrased like this, but the point about it taking two to tango, and any friends who simply 'blame the woman' are being unfair - is a great one. (Probably not quite what was said, but what I took from it. Plus the suspicion that the man concerned had more to gain from the encounter pissing off his ex!) Hope it goes really well with the CPN tomorrow.

You obv made a bad decision and are owning it but I agree with PPs that this could be a valuable turning point for you even though it really doesn't feel like it.

Good friends don't take advantage of you when drunk and vulnerable to make exes jealous and they wouldn't come round for a drinking party with an unrecovered alcoholic and her kids and join in the drinking. This really isn't decent behaviour and you might do well to be out of this circle and reflect a bit. That isn't to take away your share of responsibility. It's good that you apologised for that share.

You may find yourself building your social network again from the ground up (if I'm honest, I think it's likely the friend whose ex you slept with won't forgive you) but that could be constructive.

Please push on with the help you have sought. You've not had an easy time of it at all.

Your friends at the party don't sound great.

I can't drink (haven't for over 20 years). I can't have it in the house (as I would drink it) so my friends know there won't be any and don't bring it with them if they visit.

If they know you have a problem with drinking and have been hospitalised before, they are not good friends to sit back as you get in a state.

How are you feeling today OP

I'm good today thanks iv spoke to we are with you and my cpn has been round. I'm feeling a lot more positive now

Glad you’re feeling more positive today. However please use this to look at your alcohol intake and putting yourself in a vulnerable position. This could have had much worse consequences

You have problematic drinking and you made a mistake. You both did. You might not able to fix this with your friends but honestly, your most important relationship right now is the one you have with yourself and your kids.
Its probably best to put this friendship group behind you, not just because you fucked up.. but because they are friends you say drink with and this isn’t healthy for you to be around.
Send a final message of apology then really focus on how to manage your drinking and why you put yourself in such a vulnerable position.
You need to put the shame behind you and your energy into recovery. Your kids need their Mum to be happy and healthy.
Sending love.