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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What have I done

100 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 20:48

I had friends over for Easter and we was all drinking the kids where playing and everyone was having a good time until I got drunk and ended up having sex with my friends ex in the bathroom. When we came out everyone knew what we had done and my friend had left. I feel so guilty I genuinely don't know what I was thinking and don't know how to fix this

OP posts:
SpinCityBlues · 09/04/2023 21:17

Sad user name.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:18

ThemysteriousH · 09/04/2023 21:15

Your username suggests maybe you should cut down on the alcohol, if this is real you’ve a lot of damage control to do

I was hospitalised in November to withdraw from alcohol and haven't drank much since because I always do stupid stuff. I won't be drinking again after this

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:19

gamerchick · 09/04/2023 21:11

Why are you taking all the blame here? What about him.

Thankyou

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 09/04/2023 21:20

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 09/04/2023 21:11

Good question.

Show quote history

I bet these were the shrieking kids on the trampoline from another thread

LiliLil · 09/04/2023 21:21

How old are your kids?

I’m not going to lie this is disgusting behaviour, you had everyone round from 11am on Easter Sunday and were so pissed by 6pm you were shagging your mates ex in your bathroom? Honestly your poor children.

MobyJeff · 09/04/2023 21:21

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:15

I know iv crossed a massive line and am 100% in the wrong I just wish it hadn't had happened and I need advice on how to fix it

Show quote history

I don’t think you can fix it. You (and the man) have destroyed your friendship group, and I don’t think they will ever trust or respect you again. But, it will help them accept your apology and maybe help them rebuild the group (without you) if you show you are taking steps to get help with your drinking, lack of boundaries and ( I am guessing now) probably low self esteem. I genuinely hope you find the help you need.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/alcohol-support-services

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/alcohol-support-services

TomHanksIsFuckingAmazing · 09/04/2023 21:21

Does anyone actually believe this?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/04/2023 21:21

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:13

The kids where fine there was a few adults who only had a couple because they where driving and one of my friends is pregnant so not drinking. We wasn't all pissed

You should be a responsible adult not hammered having a quick shag in the toilet. Grow up. You're a disgrace.

Izzy24 · 09/04/2023 21:23

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:13

The kids where fine there was a few adults who only had a couple because they where driving and one of my friends is pregnant so not drinking. We wasn't all pissed

Your friends who were driving shouldn’t have been drinking.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:24

MobyJeff · 09/04/2023 21:21

I don’t think you can fix it. You (and the man) have destroyed your friendship group, and I don’t think they will ever trust or respect you again. But, it will help them accept your apology and maybe help them rebuild the group (without you) if you show you are taking steps to get help with your drinking, lack of boundaries and ( I am guessing now) probably low self esteem. I genuinely hope you find the help you need.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/alcohol-support-services

Show quote history

Thanks im under we are with you, I am trying to do better

OP posts:
bellsbuss · 09/04/2023 21:24

You're probably feeling really shit do I'm not going to give you a hard time. All I will say is stop drinking preferably with professional help. Hope things work out for you

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:24

bellsbuss · 09/04/2023 21:24

You're probably feeling really shit do I'm not going to give you a hard time. All I will say is stop drinking preferably with professional help. Hope things work out for you

Thankyou

OP posts:
Maybe83 · 09/04/2023 21:27

You need to get support to stop drinking. If you had to medically detox you shouldn't be drinking at all.

Right now that needs to be you focus for your kids. It's likely your friendship is done but there is nothing you can do about that now.

I have done some awful things drunk that are so out of character and the fear anxiety afterwards is awful.

He behaved awfully as well. Cut him out of your life.

Focus on getting support and your kids for now. I know it doesn't seem like it but it will pass. The important thing is to never let anything like it happen again.

weirdoboelady · 09/04/2023 21:28

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:15

I know iv crossed a massive line and am 100% in the wrong I just wish it hadn't had happened and I need advice on how to fix it

Show quote history

This post has the ring of honesty and sadness. I suggest you email all your friends and say this in the email. Or maybe not quite this - I think I would say

'I'm so sorry about what happened at the party today. I know I've crossed a massive line and am 100% in the wrong - I just wish it hadn't had happened and I need advice on any ways I can fix it, whilst accepting that it may not be fixable. Apologies to all, and one of the big learning points I am taking from this is about my drinking.'

Hiddenvoice · 09/04/2023 21:28

Sorry but what you did was awful. Did you have children there?
You need to give your friend the space she needs. You’ve hurt her, yes he’s her ex and should know better but you also participated and didn’t stop it. If he kissed you, then you should have said no and moved away.

You need to think again abour drinking, you stopped in November for a reason, you maybe need support to help stop properly.

Nowthatlovehasperished · 09/04/2023 21:28

This is appalling. If this is true you must feel like crawling under a rock. I think you need to dig deep for all of this.

Maybe83 · 09/04/2023 21:30

Also as for this to be moved to alcohol support.

BrutusMcDogface · 09/04/2023 21:32

You were in hospital withdrawing from alcohol? You shouldn’t have been drinking at all, but you obviously know that. Was he as pissed as you? Or did he take advantage? Poor kids being brought up in this environment. I hope you can stop drinking and look after yourself. People do stupid things when completely pissed- myself included- thats why I don’t really drink much anymore (and the hangovers).

rainbowstardrops · 09/04/2023 21:33

TomHanksIsFuckingAmazing · 09/04/2023 21:21

Does anyone actually believe this?

No.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:33

Maybe83 · 09/04/2023 21:27

You need to get support to stop drinking. If you had to medically detox you shouldn't be drinking at all.

Right now that needs to be you focus for your kids. It's likely your friendship is done but there is nothing you can do about that now.

I have done some awful things drunk that are so out of character and the fear anxiety afterwards is awful.

He behaved awfully as well. Cut him out of your life.

Focus on getting support and your kids for now. I know it doesn't seem like it but it will pass. The important thing is to never let anything like it happen again.

I know iv gone to far this time. I will be seeing my cpn on Tuesday and will get back in touch with we are with you as haven't spoke to them for a bit. Luckily my kids have amazing dad's who both really step up for them so I do have a lot of support. I won't be having any further contact with him I don't think I could even look him in the face right now

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:35

BrutusMcDogface · 09/04/2023 21:32

You were in hospital withdrawing from alcohol? You shouldn’t have been drinking at all, but you obviously know that. Was he as pissed as you? Or did he take advantage? Poor kids being brought up in this environment. I hope you can stop drinking and look after yourself. People do stupid things when completely pissed- myself included- thats why I don’t really drink much anymore (and the hangovers).

I'm never drinking again. I thought it would be OK but I never know when to stop

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 09/04/2023 21:37

Sounds like a good idea 💐

Littlepiglet123 · 09/04/2023 21:42

I'm sorry this has happened. You don't need us to make you feel worse than you already do.
Are you 100 percent sure that your guests/ friend knows? Could you be feeling paranoid/ guilty/ shame and actually they don't really know? Is this the drink talking? You can't be sober already.

You fucked up but be proactive. You can do this.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 09/04/2023 21:45

Littlepiglet123 · 09/04/2023 21:42

I'm sorry this has happened. You don't need us to make you feel worse than you already do.
Are you 100 percent sure that your guests/ friend knows? Could you be feeling paranoid/ guilty/ shame and actually they don't really know? Is this the drink talking? You can't be sober already.

You fucked up but be proactive. You can do this.

I sober up pretty quickly when I fuck up. They know one of the lads made an unfunny joke and one of my mates had a go about upsetting the other friend.

OP posts:
Confused19831983 · 09/04/2023 21:45

I really don't think this is as bad as everyone is making it out to be. The kids were safe and being looked after by sober adults. The guy you had sex with was an ex, not a current partner of a friend. And as some have pointed out, he was just as much in the wrong. All you can do is apologise to the people who were there, try not to beat yourself up too much about it, move on and get some help with your drinking. I can imagine how bad you must be feeling and I really hope you manage to get through this.

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