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Original poster

Honest opinions please

63 replies

Bel2379 · 07/04/2023 09:19

I’m morally torn and have no idea what to do.

I agreed 3 months ago to go to my best friends 30th birthday party. At this time I was single .
I broke up with my ex a year ago and now he wants to try again …. His birthday is on my friends birthday party date.

He wants me to ditch the party for him as it’s his birthday and I’m not prioritising him.
Ive explained the plans were made months ago and my friend has been there throughout the breakup (it was messy) and I’m not just going to ditch her - she’s even invited him.

I know it’s not ideal but I planned a whole day for us the day before - London , booked a table for dinner but he said it’s not good enough as it’s not his birthday then.

I now feel very guilty and torn

OP posts:
rainyalan · 07/04/2023 09:20

Go to the party.

TokyoStories · 07/04/2023 09:21

Wow. Who does this guy think he is? Ditch him permanently and have fun with your friend.

TheInterceptor · 07/04/2023 09:21

I can see why you broke up with him ...

Borracha · 07/04/2023 09:21

You shouldn't even have to ask. There is no way you should even consider ditching your friend, and the fact that your ex is pushing you to do this in favour of him raises a billion red flags.

You would be a fool to do this and will only have yourself to blame when it goes tits up with him again and this time your friend isn't interested in wiping your tears.

ClarabelleRose · 07/04/2023 09:23

Go to your friend’s party - and have lots of fun! 💃

Suetcrust · 07/04/2023 09:23

As others are telling you ….
Go. To. The. Party!
If I was your friend I’d be really really hurt if you let me down.
Who does he think he is?

Xrays · 07/04/2023 09:25

He’s a controlling dick.

heldinadream · 07/04/2023 09:25

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Aquamarine1029 · 07/04/2023 09:26

He's your ex for good reason. Clearly, he should remain an ex. Your standards would have to be very, very low to take him back after this. He's 100% unreasonable.

something2say · 07/04/2023 09:26

Its the way he thinks he can swan back in and be the centre of your life again that bothers me.

You've given him a good alternative. And he could go out with his own friends too right??

Jojobalone · 07/04/2023 09:29

Your ex now boyfriends response to your dilemma demonstrates he really should be your ex again OP

and this time - permanently

Mama2six · 07/04/2023 09:32

Honestly he is controlling you. Get him in the bin and go enjoy your friends party. Cf saying what you done wasn’t good enough nah spend that money on your self or take your friend instead. He will not change and he is an ex for a reason

Tinkerbyebye · 07/04/2023 09:36

So the controlling behaviours start

go to the party. You already agreed, and it’s likely your friend will be around far longer than your ex

you need to think really carefully here. Why did it finish? Why are you back with him? Is it because it’s better the devil you know than no one?

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 07/04/2023 09:38

His response tells you why you should go to the party - and also why you shouldn't get back together with him.

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 09:39

Borracha · 07/04/2023 09:21

You shouldn't even have to ask. There is no way you should even consider ditching your friend, and the fact that your ex is pushing you to do this in favour of him raises a billion red flags.

You would be a fool to do this and will only have yourself to blame when it goes tits up with him again and this time your friend isn't interested in wiping your tears.

^This

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 07/04/2023 09:40

Fuck the controlling bastard off permanently and go to the party. Seriously OP, do not get back with this arsehole, it will only get worse as I suspect you already know. Why did you split up?

FiddleLeaf · 07/04/2023 09:41

he said it’s not good enough as it’s not his birthday then

Unless he’s 5, this is ridiculous. How unattractive. Why are you will this plonker again?

Of course go to your mates party.

Sillybollocks · 07/04/2023 09:41

He's acting like a baby. Very unattractive. I'd be having a think about why I'd split up with him in the first place.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 07/04/2023 09:42

Any reason you both can't go to the party? Or are you embarrassed people see you together?

Fleabea · 07/04/2023 09:44

Go to the party and stand your ground. If he continues to be a dick about it then it sounds like you were right to have broken up in the first place.

Frightenedbunny · 07/04/2023 09:45

Dump him and go to the party. Your friend has been with you through the past year when he wasn’t around. He sounds controlling, you’ve managed a year without him and I’d tell him to shove his demands where the sun doesn’t shine. You are best without him!

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 09:45

what is there to be torn about?

a) party with good friend, already arranged, and committed to, unmoveable date.

b) unpleasant controlling behaviour over a date which does not have to be fixed which you have offered reasonable alternatives to, and which is being held over you as some sort of ultimation

obviously choose the party

and if your partner cared about you at all, he wouldn't even be asking you not to go

category12 · 07/04/2023 09:48

Never ditch a good mate for a boyfriend.

A decent guy wouldn't even ask you to.

He's not a child, you could celebrate his birthday another day. I suggest you don't though. As, again, a decent bloke wouldn't ask this.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/04/2023 09:49

I'm not sure whether you noticed you said that he wanted to get back together that you both wanted to get back together. He sounds really selfish, self-absorbed and manipulative.

Why did you split up with him?

Goneblank38 · 07/04/2023 09:50

He's trying to sabotage your relationship with your friend and isolate you.

Fuck him off permanently, have an amazing time with your friend and think about counselling before starting a new relationship. Recognising early signs of control and coercion would be really helpful before jumping ing back into dating.

Good luck!