Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being too picky with these things?

57 replies

Cleantre · 05/04/2023 21:13

New guy I’m dating, we get along so well and there are definite feelings there between us but there are a few things that I have seen that I’m unsure about.

which of these things would you feel very strongly about and which would you let go? I feel like I’ve lost all perspective on things recently and don’t want to confuse my feelings for true compatibility

  • his house is messy, unclean, I think he kept it up initially when I first started coming over but it is pretty bad- dishes everywhere, laundry everywhere, bathroom dirty, never seems to change bedding.
  • smokes a lot, doesn’t always brush teeth going to bed
  • doesn’t cook ever, has never done an actual full shop for food in the 4 months I’ve know him
  • never complements me ever, feels strange as precious boyfriends have done so
  • Never wants to do anything at weekends except sleep and slob about on sofa
OP posts:
twinklelight · 05/04/2023 21:14

He sounds like a lazy slob tbh

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2023 21:15

Can you tell us his good points ?

gamerchick · 05/04/2023 21:16

No.

No, OP.

EastAngle · 05/04/2023 21:16

Things won’t get any better, likely to get worse. He’s not for you.

ChrisTrepidation · 05/04/2023 21:16

Which would I let go? Absolutely none of them! He sounds like a disgusting slobby forever teenager. Why on earth are you even entertaining him? Doesn't brush his teeth? Can't keep his house clean? Grim grim grim.

Raise your standards op. I'd rather be alone for the rest of eternity than spend it with a man like this.

Dacadactyl · 05/04/2023 21:17

Every single one of those things would put me off him, bar the lack of compliments. A lack of compliments wouldn't get to me, but id dump him for any of the others on their own.

MrsBunnyEars · 05/04/2023 21:18

Every single one of those points should be a deal breaker.

Bin him off!

pictoosh · 05/04/2023 21:19

Ugh no. Unkempt, lazy and boring. Next.

Suzi888 · 05/04/2023 21:20

Oooh he’s a keeper!

Specso · 05/04/2023 21:22

All of it would put me off, most of it would give me the ick but the smoking, not brushing teeth and never paying me a compliment would be my total dealbreakers personally.

TheRussiansAreComing · 05/04/2023 21:25

If he’s a good shag and makes you laugh, then keep him on as a drinking buddy. Just don’t be fantasising about a future together, unless you enjoy constant disappointment. He’s one very lazy individual, and you’ll be picking up the slack.

Spottycarousel · 05/04/2023 21:27

No. Just no.

Honestly he sounds awful.

Justcallmebebes · 05/04/2023 21:36

Which would I let go?? Seriously? None, obviously. He sounds bone idle and grubby. What are his good points?

OutDamnedSpot · 05/04/2023 21:39

Every one of those would be a big NO from me.

23Elfie · 05/04/2023 21:39

Which would I let go? Id let HIM go! Sounds like a dirty lazy slob!

Jellybean23 · 05/04/2023 21:42

Hmmm, you know that this is the best it will ever be, don't you? He's making an effort at the moment to impress you. Show him the door.

talkitup · 05/04/2023 21:42

You haven't lost perspective OP. You know exactly what to do. This man needs a mummy, not partner.

Chewbecca · 05/04/2023 21:43

Urgh

mozzierella · 05/04/2023 22:05

All those things are hugely off putting

Original poster
Cleantre · 06/04/2023 09:26

Yeah even his friends have joked with me about the condition of his house. Honestly dishes would sit for weeks.
he sometimes doesn’t even have toilet roll

OP posts:
Greydogs123 · 06/04/2023 09:28

Raise your standards and don’t get involved with a man child who can’t manage basic hygiene.

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/04/2023 09:31

Oh for crying out loud, you can't be so desperate for a man that you settle for this disgusting person?

frozendaisy · 06/04/2023 09:38

Jesus wept OP.

Thepossibility · 06/04/2023 09:42

Ew. Seriously? What about that list screams suitable long term partner to you?
You can sit around doing nothing in a hovel with Mr. Stinkbreath and he's not even giving you compliments to sweeten the deal?!
Or turn into a nag trying to change him? While cleaning up after him.
Sign me up.

Thistlelass · 08/04/2023 04:32

He has mental health and/or substance misuse issues.