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Relationships

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Original poster

Could my husband be gay?

84 replies

Jbj8988 · 05/04/2023 12:11

This is something I've been wondering about ...me and my husband have never had a great sex life. I always thought he was a bit shy at first and would maybe 'warm up' as time went on but he never did really. Obviously there are lots of other positives which led to us getting married and having children.

Reasons I think he could be:

Never seemed interested in sex ...quite mechanical and detached during sex, no eye contact, no passion, acts like he could take it or leave it. As soon as we have sex he wants to shower and admits he says he feels ashamed but he doesn't know why
He admitted to me that he sometimes watches porn of men masturbating (he had had a lot to drink when he told me this!)...he said it's not because he fancies the men but more he imagines himself being them
He admitted he's interested in using sex toys on himself during masturbating (as in prostate stimulators) but would never allow me to do this with him
He has a hobby which is almost exclusively played by men and spends a lot of time lately with a young man 20 years younger than him....this man has a girlfriend but my first impression was that he was gay...they've been away on weekends together to play this game and I just have a weird feeling about it. When I've seem them together I almost detect a giggly awkardness...it's hard to explain.

Counter to the above he does seem to be obsessed with boobs so who knows! I just feel like something isn't quite right.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 09/09/2023 08:46

Tradeup · 05/04/2023 13:51

@Colourfingers2 the days of children being educated by nuns in Western countries is long past. I don’t know if you have noticed but the amount of Catholic women choosing to be nuns these days is minuscule and the average age of nuns in the West is late 70s & 80s. You are about 50 years out of date.

I've met middle-aged men educated by priests in Ireland. I would have expected convent schools to be more for girls though.

hev126 · 09/09/2023 08:53

Southeastdweller · 05/04/2023 12:44

Straight men don't watch gay porn.

It'll be a tough conversation to have, but the more you delay it the more the not knowing will eat you up and affect your wellbeing.

It may be different for everyone.

I'm a straight female, very open in terms of sexuality so if I was a lesbian I wouldn't have any guilt/shame, so need to deny my sexuality.

However, sometimes when I watch porn I watch other women masturbating alone. Started as when watching couple porn and realised I was more turned on watching the women than the men. Like your H it's more like I imagine myself being the woman than me actually wanting to have sex with her

zozueme · 09/09/2023 08:56

Gwenhwyfar · 09/09/2023 08:46

I've met middle-aged men educated by priests in Ireland. I would have expected convent schools to be more for girls though.

Show quote history

@Gwenhwyfar I know a 38yo man who was educated by nuns at a convent school in England. It was previously all girls but went co-ed in the late 80s.

Dancesaideveryone · 09/09/2023 09:02

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 22:31

So he watches gay porn, wants to put sex toys up his bum, does not like sex with women, and is forming close flirtatious relationships with young men? Gosh, what on earth could have made you think he might be gay?

Use your common sense.

Well, quite

CornedBeef451 · 09/09/2023 09:27

@Tradeup my DH and his entire family were educated by nuns at primary school and have monks and priests in the family.

I've no idea if it happens now but there are definitely people with school aged children who were educated like that.

Oddly DH also doesn't like eye contact during sex and doesn't like to experiment. He's definitely not gay, I think it's the catholic guilt and lack of experience.

Sorry OP, it does sound like your DH might be gay and thinking about doing something about it.

CinnamonApplePie · 09/09/2023 10:36

I’m going through a divorce after a 23 year marriage. I’m convinced my husband is gay or bi. He never showed much interest in sex or women, in general. Dead in the bedroom and I ended up not finding him attractive in the end. I’ve been with another two men since and it’s like someone has taken the rose tinted glasses off!!

I stayed in a sexless marriage for ten years. Big mistake!!! Wish I’d left earlier.

He went to a Catholic school with nuns.

CinnamonApplePie · 09/09/2023 10:36

He also had a male hobby and spends a lot of time with men.

Bobbotgegrinch · 09/09/2023 13:45

Your second point is the only one that suggests he might be, and even that....

Lots of women watch lesbian porn because it focusses more on the women's pleasure, and they want to imagine themselves in that role. There's no reason why man couldn't do the same.

It sounds more like he's asexual than gay, or possibly grew up in a household where sex was considered wrong or disgusting

RandomForest · 09/09/2023 18:11

I wouldn't rule it out.

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