Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Kids had a TINY sip of alcohol free shandy

76 replies

candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 20:50

I was with oh mum last weekend at their caravan that they own. Kids were having fun at the kids club and we was joking around beforehand that were all going to drink beer and wine that night. (I’m 25 weeks pregnant so was clearly a joke!) oh step dad is on that many tablets, even a sip of alcohol could kill him so he had one of them alcohol free ones. Kids had a tiny sip. No biggie.

My daughter told my oh this today and well, I may aswell of given them a spliff or a pint of vodka. He’s going mad telling me I’m a terrible parent, he honed up his mum and called her a stupid cunt and she’s not allowed to see the kids which I think is ridiculous. I’m their parent too I’m allowed to make decisions about them aswell. If it was a full blown beer or glass of wine I would if said no chance. This comes with amongst other things, on holidays they’re not allowed out late and we have to go back for around 8-8.30 so they can go to bed. He was messaging me the whole night (wasn’t with him he was out) telling me to make sure I don’t lose them or to take them back soon, it was 8.45 and he was telling me to take them back to bed. They were really really enjoying themselves and I’m glad he wasn’t there as they wouldn’t be allowed to. I’ve said this for a while but I feel like I’m their babysitter and not their mum, I have to ask him decisions about them and if I done it without his say so he’d go mad like he is now. Like if I took them to the park when he was at work he wouldn’t like it cos I’d ‘loose them’ or soft play that’s a no go cos he isn’t there and he’s the only one that can look after them properly.

sorry I’ve gone of topic completely! So aibu to let my kids have a TINY sip of non alcholic shandy?

edited. I know there was no alcohol in there as I checked at the bar before buying it, saw the ingredients as I fancied one myself, I’m pregnant!

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 03/04/2023 20:52

He called his mother a cunt?? What a lovely man.

BananasinPyhamas · 03/04/2023 20:52

Assuming this is real. Get rid of the controlling abusive arsehole.

JaneJeffer · 03/04/2023 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BabychamGlass · 03/04/2023 20:52

I'm sorry, I can't get past he phoned up his mum and called her a stupid cunt.

Boomboom22 · 03/04/2023 20:53

It's a soft drink probably better than fruit shoots or coca cola. And a sip. Is he mad? Does he not understand non alcoholic shandy? Tbh even a sip of full on half lager half lemonade shandy would be fine.

Mum2jenny · 03/04/2023 20:53

And……

He’s a twat

Jagoda · 03/04/2023 20:53

I mean, I don’t really understand why you would give children a sip of AF shandy? What for?

The rest of it, YANBU. He sounds controlling and abusive.

Toottooot · 03/04/2023 20:55

Wooptie fucking ping.

GoldenCupidon · 03/04/2023 20:55

He’s an abusive arsehole and he’s probably ruining your life.

When I was a kid they sold alcohol free shandy at school! Even if it was real shandy and they had a tiny sip it wouldn’t do any harm, and it wouldn’t mean it was ok for him to abuse you verbally.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/04/2023 20:56

It is an absolute tragedy that you are having another baby with this horrible man. Sorry to be harsh, but that's how I see it. He is abusive and you need to get yourself and your kids away from him. Do you really not see how abusive he is?

Fruitcakesanddogs · 03/04/2023 20:56

Ltb x

RosesInWater · 03/04/2023 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 20:57

I promise this isn’t a troll post. Unfortunately it’s my life. I genuinely feel like I have no sag over my own kids. And as a pp said, they had a sip that’s all and fair enough on your views on it but it’s him I can’t get past. They are my kids too not just his, his mum has even told him how ridiculous he’s being but she’s just as bad as me and I’m going to turn my kids into alcholics apperently. This comes from the same man that only drinks water and insists on the kids only drinking water, there not allowed squash or anything else which they have but he doesn’t like it

OP posts:
BeatriceFranklin · 03/04/2023 20:57

I wouldn’t tolerate my DH speaking to anyone like that. I also wouldn’t put up with my grown children name calling me.

Your DH is abusive and controlling, get rid of him. This isn’t about a sip of non alcoholic larger is it? It’s much more.

L3ThirtySeven · 03/04/2023 20:58

I really think this is a symptom of a larger issue of how you are in an abusive relationship. YANBU at all and the fact you are unsure is because of how controlling your partner is. Please call womens aid and have a chat with them.

VerveClique · 03/04/2023 21:01

Jeepers - he needs to get a grip.

This is really not a problem.

He is a major problem. Look after itself and you children.

Elieza · 03/04/2023 21:01

You need help to get away from this man. He will destroy your confidence, has no respect for you, and could actually harm you.

He sounds controlling and horrible. I wouldn’t be around him with a new baby as you probably can’t do that right either and he’ll complain about everything you do.

It’s to make you too afraid of being alone in case you make a mistake so you won’t leave him. You “need him. Can’t manage without” him. Can’t leave. Which ironically is the very thing anyone in this situation is thinking about doing….

Original poster
candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 21:14

I can’t reply to you all individually but thank you I have been told this before and even his own mum has told me. We haven’t done out monthly food shop yet so there was only enough dinner for him and the kids so stupid me I cooked for him and the kids and not me. Baring in mind I’m pregnant but thought you know what he works hard he should come 1st. And here I am hungry whilst he’s hurling abuse at me telling me I’m a terrible mother and poisoning the kids bla bla bla.

This baby wasn’t planned, but any baby is a blessing so abortion was never an option! Im just fucking annoyed. Even the kids said to him earlier daddy we only had a little bit but he said im feeding my kids beer when he’s not around he don’t want his kids drinking scummy stuff. His dad was like it with his mum so surely he should know 1st hand what it feels like

OP posts:
BeatriceFranklin · 03/04/2023 21:16

candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 21:14

I can’t reply to you all individually but thank you I have been told this before and even his own mum has told me. We haven’t done out monthly food shop yet so there was only enough dinner for him and the kids so stupid me I cooked for him and the kids and not me. Baring in mind I’m pregnant but thought you know what he works hard he should come 1st. And here I am hungry whilst he’s hurling abuse at me telling me I’m a terrible mother and poisoning the kids bla bla bla.

This baby wasn’t planned, but any baby is a blessing so abortion was never an option! Im just fucking annoyed. Even the kids said to him earlier daddy we only had a little bit but he said im feeding my kids beer when he’s not around he don’t want his kids drinking scummy stuff. His dad was like it with his mum so surely he should know 1st hand what it feels like

Partners like him don’t think like that though! You need to get away from him.

Original poster
candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 21:19

I know I do and I’m working out my options. He is turning into his dad, an abusive manipulative man. He hasn’t hit me and he never would it’s more the emotional side but i feel I can’t do nothing with them cos he’s the only one that can look after them properly and it’s sad. His mum has tried telling him before and he doesn’t listen to no one

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 03/04/2023 21:21

How tragic that you are having another child with this absolute bore of a bully. He doesn't like you, you're there so he can get his rocks off controlling you. Easier for him when you have children. As for him insulting his mother - can't think what you even saw in this 'prince' of a man. You've said his dad was the same. Well, his mum is an example of how you'll be scorned if you hang on to ignorant men; your own children insulting you because you've let them witness a man treating you as worthless so you're not worthy of respect in their eyes.

Good luck with all that, anyway.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 03/04/2023 21:22

You are not allowed to take your kids to the park or anywhere without him? He is an abuser and a controlling twat. Coercive control is a crime. Why are you staying with this man? Things will only get worse. Open tour eyes. Speak to tour midwife.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 03/04/2023 21:23

candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 21:19

I know I do and I’m working out my options. He is turning into his dad, an abusive manipulative man. He hasn’t hit me and he never would it’s more the emotional side but i feel I can’t do nothing with them cos he’s the only one that can look after them properly and it’s sad. His mum has tried telling him before and he doesn’t listen to no one

He hasn’t hit you …….yet…..

Oakyloaky · 03/04/2023 21:27

I would be more concerned that he called his Mother a cunt…what a revolting human being. He is a bully …get out before he harms you or your children.

GrazingSheep · 03/04/2023 21:34

Contact Women’s Aid. He will wreck your kids’ lives. You must get them away from him.