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Original poster

Kids had a TINY sip of alcohol free shandy

76 replies

candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 20:50

I was with oh mum last weekend at their caravan that they own. Kids were having fun at the kids club and we was joking around beforehand that were all going to drink beer and wine that night. (I’m 25 weeks pregnant so was clearly a joke!) oh step dad is on that many tablets, even a sip of alcohol could kill him so he had one of them alcohol free ones. Kids had a tiny sip. No biggie.

My daughter told my oh this today and well, I may aswell of given them a spliff or a pint of vodka. He’s going mad telling me I’m a terrible parent, he honed up his mum and called her a stupid cunt and she’s not allowed to see the kids which I think is ridiculous. I’m their parent too I’m allowed to make decisions about them aswell. If it was a full blown beer or glass of wine I would if said no chance. This comes with amongst other things, on holidays they’re not allowed out late and we have to go back for around 8-8.30 so they can go to bed. He was messaging me the whole night (wasn’t with him he was out) telling me to make sure I don’t lose them or to take them back soon, it was 8.45 and he was telling me to take them back to bed. They were really really enjoying themselves and I’m glad he wasn’t there as they wouldn’t be allowed to. I’ve said this for a while but I feel like I’m their babysitter and not their mum, I have to ask him decisions about them and if I done it without his say so he’d go mad like he is now. Like if I took them to the park when he was at work he wouldn’t like it cos I’d ‘loose them’ or soft play that’s a no go cos he isn’t there and he’s the only one that can look after them properly.

sorry I’ve gone of topic completely! So aibu to let my kids have a TINY sip of non alcholic shandy?

edited. I know there was no alcohol in there as I checked at the bar before buying it, saw the ingredients as I fancied one myself, I’m pregnant!

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 03/04/2023 21:48

And what if you were to take them to the park without him, surely that's a normal thing to do. He expects you to stay indoors all the summer holidays.

DaisyDreaming · 03/04/2023 21:58

Ignore those calling you a troll. Aibu probably isn’t the right place. Can you go over to the relationship board and discuss your controlling relationship. The fact you’re not trusted to make decisions for your children, and aren’t trusted to take them to the park. It’s no way to live a life. There’s people there who know about controlling experts and can help more than voting over shandy. This is far bigger than whether it is or isn’t ok to give them a sip of a drink (even if it was a real shandy one sip wouldn’t have hurt them but the 0% one you got is probably healthier than coke or lots of other drinks aimed at children!).

RichardHeed · 03/04/2023 22:18

Let me guess, you can’t leave because you’re financially dependent on him.

AspiringMermaid · 03/04/2023 22:49

That is so horrible, you deserve better op, also his poor mum my god. Did his father emotionally him? He sounds like a completely unaware, angry person and the type to perpetuate abuse rather than break the cycle.

Have thought about leaving?

Original poster
candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 23:07

His father was and is a horrible man. Used to get them to call his mum all sorts, used to beat them up beat up his mum everything. He’s one of the most horrible men I have ever met in my whole life. He could die and I wouldn’t give a shit, I’d dance over his dead body in sorry if that’s harsh. People like that are a waste of oxygen.

his mum has said to him all of this, he works a lot so a lot of the time I’m expected to keep them in. I don’t I take them out but I have ti bribe them to keep quiet or he will start and it’s honestly not worth it. Now for example, I said I was going out to the shop, literally a 5 minute walk I live in a quiet village nothing ever happens. And he’s gone mad said he’s a slave and has stormed out and gone to the shop for me but I didn’t ask him I said I’d go myself. He’s come back in and said I’m a selfish cunt I’m this I’m that I’m fat etc. all because I said I wanted to go to the shops. Baring in mind when he’s annoyed, he goes for a walk, to the gym anywhere. He went out the whole day a few weeks ago cos we argued and didn’t come back till it’s dark but I’m not allowed 5 minutes up the road.

he’s just spoken to his mum, apologised to her and said he shouldn’t of went mad at her it’s not her fault I’m a irresponsible parent. Told her lots of lies what I’ve apparently said and now guess who’s getting the shit. I’ve had enough of this honestly I have.

OP posts:
Original poster
candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 23:09

He’s also just informed me because I’ve made him so angry tonight he’s made himself up a dating profile. That is probably believable as it isn’t the 1st time he’s done it

OP posts:
FragranceFree · 03/04/2023 23:10

Edited????!! OP has managed to crack the system.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 03/04/2023 23:21

candycrush789 · 03/04/2023 21:14

I can’t reply to you all individually but thank you I have been told this before and even his own mum has told me. We haven’t done out monthly food shop yet so there was only enough dinner for him and the kids so stupid me I cooked for him and the kids and not me. Baring in mind I’m pregnant but thought you know what he works hard he should come 1st. And here I am hungry whilst he’s hurling abuse at me telling me I’m a terrible mother and poisoning the kids bla bla bla.

This baby wasn’t planned, but any baby is a blessing so abortion was never an option! Im just fucking annoyed. Even the kids said to him earlier daddy we only had a little bit but he said im feeding my kids beer when he’s not around he don’t want his kids drinking scummy stuff. His dad was like it with his mum so surely he should know 1st hand what it feels like

His dad was his role model. His dad's abusive behaviour was basically what he grew up to consider normal. He pretty much is his dad and that is your life, unless you see sense and get the hell out.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 03/04/2023 23:25

Get rid of him. He is vile to him Mum, disregards you and is controlling. You need to get away ASAP.

BlueHeartMelody · 03/04/2023 23:33

You need to get IRL support and seek expert legal advice. I’m not sure if you’re married but this guy sounds controlling and abusive. He’s emotionally and mentally abusing you. And it does not sound like he will let you walk away easily. He’s gaslighting you into thinking everything is your fault. Please speak to your midwife and possibly your GP as well. I’m confused about the part about him making lies up about you to his mum. Did she believe him?

GiveUsACoffee · 03/04/2023 23:34

You're not allowed out? I'm so sorry, but this is 100% abuse. Modern day slavers. Please call the police or women's aid if you don't have anyone else around to help you leave.

candycrush789 · 04/04/2023 00:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

BlueHeartMelody · 04/04/2023 00:23

She believed him didn’t she? I don’t think you can trust her if she can fall for his lies just like that especially when she’s been telling you things about him and his Dad.

I am not sure if it’s worth pointing it out to her because she could have easily called you and listened to your side if she really wanted to. You might need to keep your distance from her.

He doesn’t sound very safe to be around. And now he’s escalating things by telling you that you can’t take them out? You need to get legal advice as soon as possible and get out of there sooner rather than later. Please do not tell him or his mum or the kids your plans just yet as I fear he will escalate things even more. Do you have friends you can call to help you?

PinkSyCo · 04/04/2023 01:09

This is so weird. How old are your kids?

bluedomino · 04/04/2023 01:20

When he takes the kids out use that time to phone Women's Aid. You are being coercively controlled and emotionally abused. What is he like with money? Does he restrict your access to money or insist he does all the banking as you are "incapable of doing it".
You need to get away from this man ASAP. Contact your local Domestic Abuse charity for advice on a safe plan to leave. Do you have screenshots of texts from him forbidding you from taking the kids out and instructing you to stay in the house all day? That would be enough to report him to the police for coercive control. Make sure you screenshot everything and email it to a secret email as WhatsApp messages get suddenly deleted. He is controlling his mother by gaslighting her and telling her lies until she turns on you. That's a classic abusive behaviour.

You are a victim. You need to get out and seek advice from a solicitor (womens Aid will advice or citizens advice). Leave now, while you can. He will get worse. Your life will get smaller and smaller until you exist solely for him.

Please be careful. He sounds so volatile. Phone the police next time he's shouting at you.

Nimbostratus100 · 04/04/2023 01:22

he sounds like he is terrified for his children, so YABU not dealing with this major issue.

TomeTome · 04/04/2023 01:25

What would happen if you just went to the shops or the park or soft play?

Fruitcakesanddogs · 04/04/2023 03:10

Ironically he’s fucking his kids up more by being so explosively abusive, than a sip of squash or beer ever would

emptythelitterbox · 04/04/2023 03:19

You know he's an abusive bully but you have stuck around with him and now having another baby with him.

What can you do to remove yourself and your children from this very damaging toxic situation?

Some people are alcohol avoidant as they've either grown up with or been around drunks but that is zero excuse to be an abusive bully.

You stick around with him, your children will either behave like him or end up with someone like him.

Gingerkittykat · 04/04/2023 03:24

The chances are that he will turn on your kids when they are old enough to answer him back or turn into teenagers with their own minds. Please get out before this happens.

Suzi888 · 04/04/2023 03:26

He hasn’t hit you yet because you do as you are told. I wonder what will happen you don’t, or when your children upset him.

He’s abusive. Get out. Do you work? Jointly own the home?

Hopingforbettertimesoon · 04/04/2023 04:36

Dear OP I am so sorry you are in this situation and your children. You are not unreasonable at all. I agree with many others you are in an abusive relationship.

you have done nothing wrong. There is lots of good advice. Please take care of yourself. I am also in an abusive relationship right now and I know how difficult it is.

it seems to me the whole drink thing was innocent on your part. I think if it wasn’t that he would have found something else to be angry about.

Be strong - please make sure you eat I read about you not getting dinner. Please even if it’s just some bread and cheese please eat as best you can to keep up your health and strength.

Cnidarian · 04/04/2023 04:42

Only you can break this cycle of violence. Do you want this for your son? For your daughters to be treated like you and their grandma? Show them they control their lives.

Abraxan · 04/04/2023 05:16

Jagoda · 03/04/2023 20:53

I mean, I don’t really understand why you would give children a sip of AF shandy? What for?

The rest of it, YANBU. He sounds controlling and abusive.

Shandy Bass was sold all over when I was a child. It was a staple part of a chip shop order, along with a can of Dandelion and Burdock. You could buy it in the school tuck shop .

Zonder · 04/04/2023 05:19

Now he's made himself a dating profile and it's your fault??? This has to be the end. For your sake and your DC.