Kids had a TINY sip of alcohol free shandy

[candycrush789]

I was with oh mum last weekend at their caravan that they own. Kids were having fun at the kids club and we was joking around beforehand that were all going to drink beer and wine that night. (I’m 25 weeks pregnant so was clearly a joke!) oh step dad is on that many tablets, even a sip of alcohol could kill him so he had one of them alcohol free ones. Kids had a tiny sip. No biggie.

My daughter told my oh this today and well, I may aswell of given them a spliff or a pint of vodka. He’s going mad telling me I’m a terrible parent, he honed up his mum and called her a stupid cunt and she’s not allowed to see the kids which I think is ridiculous. I’m their parent too I’m allowed to make decisions about them aswell. If it was a full blown beer or glass of wine I would if said no chance. This comes with amongst other things, on holidays they’re not allowed out late and we have to go back for around 8-8.30 so they can go to bed. He was messaging me the whole night (wasn’t with him he was out) telling me to make sure I don’t lose them or to take them back soon, it was 8.45 and he was telling me to take them back to bed. They were really really enjoying themselves and I’m glad he wasn’t there as they wouldn’t be allowed to. I’ve said this for a while but I feel like I’m their babysitter and not their mum, I have to ask him decisions about them and if I done it without his say so he’d go mad like he is now. Like if I took them to the park when he was at work he wouldn’t like it cos I’d ‘loose them’ or soft play that’s a no go cos he isn’t there and he’s the only one that can look after them properly.

sorry I’ve gone of topic completely! So aibu to let my kids have a TINY sip of non alcholic shandy?

edited. I know there was no alcohol in there as I checked at the bar before buying it, saw the ingredients as I fancied one myself, I’m pregnant!

You know you have to leave him don’t you? It’s not fair to your kids to live with such a controlling, abusive arsehole, and it’s not fair to you either. Do you have access to money?

OP when are you contacting women's aid?

Please get rid, he sounds utterly horrible not to mention an idiot for not realising that there is no alcohol in alcohol-free beer.

Your poor children, if you want to break the cycle of abuse then you need to try harder to get away from this man. You need professional support because he will punish you by lying to the authorities.

Why are you with this abusive man?

In my childhood (80s) you could buy 'shandy' flavoured pop (presumably alcohol-free!) at the school tuck shop.

Even if it did have alcohol-based beer in it, a sip would have been fine. Beer is fairly low in alcohol, then you dilute it in lemonade so a sip would be the teeniest amount of alcohol. It would be fine.

He has turned out just like his dad, he’s the person he learned from.

Do you want your children to be just like him?

im confused... Its literally the same as giving them a sip of pop, is fizzy drink ok? he does realise its not ACTUALLY alcoholic right? I used to drink Alcohol free Berry cider when i was 11 because it tasted good... No adults raised an eyebrow, but my family made me drink it in a glass so it didnt LOOK like alcohol.

Its literally any other soft drink once the alcohol gets removed..

actually after reading your further posts... i think hes just abusive, not reasonable in the slightest just abusive.

I would definitely LTB

Your poor kids. They will grow up in a terrible home and likely end up either abusers or abused themselves.

Dear god, please make moves to leave. He doesn’t allow you out, wtaf?!

The non alcohol drink is a red herring, he's abusive, definitely call women's aid .

He is doing far more damage to his children than a sip of non alcoholic shandy ever could.

Yet you're having another baby with him. Amazing

Call Women’s Aid today. Enquire about a place in a refuge. You need to get out of there. He is abusing your children and then will end up exactly like him in you don’t act to protect them and yourself.

Actually he’s done you a huge favour by saying he’s made himself a dating profile because you can use this as your catalyst to leave and put all the blame on him - because he will try and manipulate you and everyone around you to make you think it’s your fault and it’s not. (Been there with someone who sounds exactly the same - left him when dd was 6 months old, she’s now 20, best thing I ever did was leaving). Tell everyone what a useless piece of shit he is. Don’t let him worm his way back and contact women’s aid for advice.

Blimey they used to sell it in the school canteen when I was a kid.

agree he sounds abusive and controlling. You need to seek support. Woman’s aid. Talk to your midwife, they should support you.

@Jagoda

why not?

pearl clutcher

This tells you all you need to know.
Why are you with him?

she is not your ally in this.
i was in a similar situation, his mum encouraged me to leave as she didn’t want me ending up like her and continuing the cycle with children.
she was on my side 100% until it became too difficult for her. Ultimately blood is thicker. Start quietly making your plans.

Helpful. What should she do with it now? Pop it back on the shelf?

And what does the prize specimen bring to your life? Get rid of him.

Please contact women's aid for real life support. He is a very controlling and abusive man and your children are growing up in a deeply dysfunctional home if you're having to seriously bribe them to stay quiet about going out.

What are your circumstances, are you working, receiving any benefits, married, who owns or rents the home? Great that you're able to express whats happening on here, but in real life you need to take action to stop the cycle.

You know coercive control is now a crime, don’t you? And that is what he is doing —— treating you as a babysitter to do as he says only.
What did his mother do about him swearing at her?
His behaviour towards woman is abusive. I think you need to take advice along the lines of the Freedom project. Then you’ll realise you can have a better life without him.

This.