Hardly anyone likes me.

[Pingu1uk]

I'm so depressed! (I'm trying to get a counsellor but whenever I ring one they are fully booked) since I was little I seem to annoy people. I didn't start school until I was around 10 years of age as I travelled with my family growing up. I have had friends but I got bullied by other girls at secondary school on my looks, voice etc. I even got bullied a bit in college. I have worked with animals since college and qualified as a vet nurse (currently work as one) since having my daughter 2.5 years ago I have put on loads of weight, and do not take care of myself the same as before. I have zero confidence, analyse every conversation and I'm miserable. I started a Job after having my daughter and I left cos I kept making mistakes and thought everyone thought I was stupid. I started working as a vet nurse again in a very small branch surgery. The main receptionist came across very hard and like she didn't like me. I tried to think positive and work through it but I read something she had put about me (shouldn't have been made visible but it was) and it crushed me. My work had a big meeting about it and the receptionist had a load of things she wasn't happy about written down. My work said it was 100% inappropriate on her part. And wanted me to take it further (think the girl had caused trouble for years, previous to me) but I didn't as I dont want people told off. But I was crushed. I just feel like I'm stupid and don't know what to do as I need a job to afford life! I try and be nice to people but I annoy everyone. I don't know how to be liked? I don't want my daughter having to be embarrassed by me :( i have miscarried twice in the last 6 months also so I just feel completely fatigued. Don't even know what I'm asking. Just wanted to rant maybe :(

Sounds really hard. Can you try and tackle one issue at a time? Regarding your weight, do you enjoy exercise?

Think seriously about having weight loss surgery. You can get it done in Turkey for £3k which will basically pay for itself before a year is up.

Then think seriously about working for yourself on a self employed basis. VET nurses should have quite a few options.

I did those two things thats why I recommend them. it worked for me and raised my self esteem.

I am sorry you are feeling so low OP, life can be very hard. And having young kids can be very isolating.

I would be amazed if people didn’t like you - it sounds to me like you had some bad experiences at school (as so many do) and then had a shitty cow for a colleague, and from that you have built an identity of ‘nobody likes me’. Lots of people do this - our brains just like patterns.

I think finding a therapist is key. You might find CBT really helpful to re-frame your thoughts. Have you tried everyone locally? If so it can work well online too. I can recommend someone if you want to PM me.

Also, can you make one small change towards taking care of yourself better. What would it be?

I am sure this poster means well, but please don’t do this. You don’t need weight loss surgery just because you are carrying post baby weight. Nothing wrong with being self employed either, but it isn’t going to fix your head.

Are you for real? Why would she have weight loss surgery? Most people manage to lose weight naturally. If you have weight loss surgery then you’ll never learn healthy eating habits. It’s cutting corners for lazy people. Besides, it can have its dangers.
I can’t believe your stupid advice.

It's a big positive your work stood up for uou and wanted you to take it further. They obviously like and appreciate you.

You poor thing. I bet you are lovely and kind. It sounds like the receptionist was the problem not you. If she has done this before she sounds not nice so please don’t blame yourself.

You sound like a lovely, sensitive person, OP.

22 people have died recently from Turkey weightloss surgery and a pal of mine is going through actual hell right now and still may die. Please don't do that.

I do disagree it's cutting corners for lazy people, that's just a horrid attitude towards people who have genuine struggles as many do.

You do seem very depressed and I would love to give you a hug and take you for lunch reading that! I think you've got lots going on and 2 pregnancy losses sounds like the straw that broke camels back.

You sound lovely OP, just a case of shitty self esteem and needing new friends, neither are a quick fix but definitely look into some counselling and going the GP.
See what can be offered that way.

When you're up to it, join apps for mums, that kind of thing? Even fb groups for people with your interests, friendships don't have to be local!

Youre loved by your daughter and partner, don't forget that either 💐

I was just going to say that @FragranceFree .
They backed you all the way.

She was a bully who saw some sort of vulnerability in you. Frankly she was a bitch.

It's clearly hit you hard. That's what bullying does. And you seem to have suffered across your life.

You clearly have lots to offer as a mother and a qualified veterinary nurse. I don't believe people don't like you. I think people have made you feel shit about yourself.

You are speaking as if you have nothing to offer and you sound depressed.I would suggest a visit to the doctors and looking into counselling. There is a lot of accessible counselling on line now. Don't suffer anymore.

Sending you a big hug. 💐

OP, if we were all in a room with you right now, we would all have lovely things to say about you. I'm sure of it.
Your self esteem is low - you are not a bad person. In fact, you sound lovely, kind and empathetic. You're a vet nurse and you need a massive heart to do that.
I'm neurodiverse and sometimes I find my brain can make me think I'm doing a bad job, or that I've annoyed a friend when I haven't at all. Maybe this is something to explore as anxiety and depression are often misdiagnosed in women with ND.
Please ignore the advice about surgery in Turkey. You don't need that. Focus on small steps for now to help you get to your goals. Incorporating some exercise works wonders for your mental health as well as the physical.

something as major as surgery needs to be considered when you are in a better place , if at all OP.

Focus on small steps towards feeling better about yourself. Your self esteem seems very low.

I'm sorry OP I missed that you are already looking for a counsellor. Please don't give up.

I agree with this, coupled with some counselling, even ring the free ones like samaritians , you could be really surprised at how much one conversation could change your thought process and having just one person, even a stranger, having faith in you.

I recommend this also and I've also has the same as pp, it also worked for me and changed my life for the better. It did cost 3k and took a year but its done and I've never looked back.

Good luck.

People are weird. I forced myself to a leaving do on Friday night. No one from my team spoke- once woman had their back to me... cried all the way home then thought sod them.. I'll not be putting myself out there again

For real?????

2 posters ! on a thread with only 16 people recommending Turkish Weight Loss surgery for someone who says 'I've put on loads of weight '. One line in a whole OP about depression, low self esteem and bullying.

It's a vicious circle OP. If you are bullied your self esteem takes a battering and you are wary of people (naturally) and take things to heart that others would not notice at all or just shake off.

Invest in some counselling rather than Weight loss surgery- a much much better investment. You may be overeating to swallow the negative feelings, surgery won't fix that, counselling may.

You are certainly loved - by your child, your DH / partner, parents (but they can be a minefield I know).

There are loads of arseholes in the world, you are bound to come across them from time to time. They have the knack of sniffing out vulnerability so again, counselling should help you recognise the arseholes and help you in dealing with them.

Meanwhile keep posting here - you are among friends (apart from a few arseholes- they are everywhere!)

How much overweight were you though? I thought this kind of surgery was only for like morbidly obese? We don't even know if this Is the case for the OP. She may have put weight on but not be in the obese category.

💐and a hug, OP.

Fuck sake, don't have surgery because you are unhappy, with yourself or anything else.
Talking therapies help. I've had loads, they really do help.
You need a mantra - make your own, something like 'I am good, I am capable, I am enough.' Use that as often as necessary - hundreds of times a day, if you need to.
Your brain believes what you tell it, so tell it good things.

A key thing said to me by my fabulous, best ever therapist (senior psychological therapist, in case she's reading) was 'You talk about it like it's happening now.' All my pain was happening to me. My collective pain, from my whole life, still wounding me. When she said that, I realised. It's not happening now. It's gone. I don't have to experience it, carry it, save it, endure it... gone. Reading your opening post made me think of that. All that suffering. You didn't and don't deserve it. And it's gone. All we have is this moment, now. How do you want to feel in this moment? Can you let go of the suffering from interpersonal stuff?

I am sorry for your losses. Perhaps put trying for another baby on hold until you are feeling better mentally and emotionally?

I've gone through the whole of my life being 'not liked' and what I've come to understand at the age of 65 is that it really doesn't matter at all. Like yourself. Like your inner child and give her a hug. Notice every happy moment. Enjoy the things that you, specifically, enjoy. Love your dd and enjoy your times with her.

I hope you find a way to be happy and at peace with yourself.

You don’t need to worry about your weight you need to worry about your self esteem! I think you’ve just not met your type of friend yet! I felt a bit like you, didn’t really have any friends but as I got older and decided I didn’t want friends and couldn’t be bother with the worry I must of opened up more because now I have friends that I actually like!

Im not just saying this to be kind but you sound fab, you like animals, so do I, you have children, so do I and you feel a low, So do I, and you worry about your weight…. You just haven’t found the right kind of friend for you I’m sure that would make the world of difference to you overall.

please please don’t worry over your weight, it’s nothing to do with anything you can use that as an excuse if you like but weight loss surgery won’t make the inside of you happy!

I was 17 stone. In a similar position as OP where it was baby weight but I was depressed also and comfort eating, a bad cycle of shame>eat>guilt>shame>eat.

I don't condone it as a "quick fix" ( and i suggest you do research for the right places) I can only speak from my own experience coming from a place of desperation to get myself out of the funk where this one issue was a massive factor. The physical restriction most definitely put a halt to the weight gain and the binge.
And put a stop to the cycle of shame giving me space and time to combat the mental struggle which I can admit now was bigger than the eating itself but I knew that before I had the surgery.

On a side note , this is a sensitive post mentioning bullying and women not being very kind to eachother, but some other posters are quick to jump and judge when some of us are only making suggestions based of real life experience. Sometimes eating healthy and moving more are good suggestions , but when you're at a low place in life , it's hard to get up and make breakfast nevermind tackle the bigger issues and push yourself. I'm sure everyone here has had similar struggles in life. Please don't attack people for the choices they have made in order to make their lives better because in some cases, if the choices weren't made, they might not be here writing this post right now.

No harm intended. Just be kind

You had a bad experience with bullies at school, and a bullying work colleague, and have turned that in to 'hardly anyone likes me'. Remember at work, when they supported you? Those people wanted to help you. No signs they don't like you.

I think your self confidence has taken a battering, because of those bad experiences, then you've piled on other things such as weight gain, and made yourself very small and 'unlikeable'. But that's your projection, not other people's.

Don't give up on the therapy. Bite your concerns off in small manageable chunks. Remember all the good things in life. Recognise your strengths.

Sorry, if you're TCC , I don't suggest the weight loss surgery

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am going to take advice and carry on trying to get a therapist. I am also going to try and learn to eat better and exercise but that will be gradual process. I have spoken to a doctor and he thinks the fact I miscarried 6 weeks ago could make my hormones go haywire :( I am worried as the way I feel at the moment makes me want to quit my job and I'm getting irritable all the time. I wish I could stop caring so much and just enjoy my beautiful daughter and husband. I am worried I am pushing my husband away by being miserable.

You sound really sweet and also very hard on yourself. FWIW, when I was at school one of my so called 'friends' wrote "bamboo is a cow" on a school toilet wall. I had no idea why. In the end she admitted it was because I had a perfect life and she didn't! You simply can't win sometimes. Work on your own self esteem and friends will find you. Having young children isn't very isolating so I hope you find a job where the staff are a little kinder. Good luck.