Hardly anyone likes me.

[Pingu1uk]

I'm so depressed! (I'm trying to get a counsellor but whenever I ring one they are fully booked) since I was little I seem to annoy people. I didn't start school until I was around 10 years of age as I travelled with my family growing up. I have had friends but I got bullied by other girls at secondary school on my looks, voice etc. I even got bullied a bit in college. I have worked with animals since college and qualified as a vet nurse (currently work as one) since having my daughter 2.5 years ago I have put on loads of weight, and do not take care of myself the same as before. I have zero confidence, analyse every conversation and I'm miserable. I started a Job after having my daughter and I left cos I kept making mistakes and thought everyone thought I was stupid. I started working as a vet nurse again in a very small branch surgery. The main receptionist came across very hard and like she didn't like me. I tried to think positive and work through it but I read something she had put about me (shouldn't have been made visible but it was) and it crushed me. My work had a big meeting about it and the receptionist had a load of things she wasn't happy about written down. My work said it was 100% inappropriate on her part. And wanted me to take it further (think the girl had caused trouble for years, previous to me) but I didn't as I dont want people told off. But I was crushed. I just feel like I'm stupid and don't know what to do as I need a job to afford life! I try and be nice to people but I annoy everyone. I don't know how to be liked? I don't want my daughter having to be embarrassed by me :( i have miscarried twice in the last 6 months also so I just feel completely fatigued. Don't even know what I'm asking. Just wanted to rant maybe :(

Even if it had been suggested as a way to lose weight, that doesn't make it an inherently bad thing.

The OP says she has put on 2.5 stone in the past couple of years. And she clearly isn't happy with that.

Many of us have gained and lost a couple of stone. We don't all have to embrace weight gain as two fingers up against a 'fatphobic' world. Its OK to want to lose it for physical and mental health reasons.

Whilst there are obviously deeper seated issues going on, the OP describes being stuck in a bit of a rut. Any positive changes that shake her life up a bit will help her.

She goes to work, she has tried to deal with stuff, she has a family. She's clearly not incapacitated by her mental ill health. And it's clear that some of this is her mindset (again no judgement just observation).

A walk in the fresh air makes everyone feel better even if that's not sustained or deep enough to have a lasting impact or change anythign significantly. It's an automatic mood enhancer and blows some of the cobwebs away.

She doesn't have to follow the advice if she doesn't feel it would benefit her.

I would advise you while you look for a therapist to try and do some walking rurally or at least in a park and take some vitamin supplements. Watch films and read books you know you love.

Good luck you sound like a nice woman who is having a hard time, I’m glad your workplace backed you, don’t leave they sound decent.

It sounds like this one person has affected you a lot. I can see that you have a history of being a little bullied. In school and college situations you get such a mix of children who all have their own struggles and whose brain isn't fully developed until at least 25 so they do and say the most ridiculous things. (Think of a cake that looks perfect on the outside but it's an underbaked mush on the outside.)
So please try to understand that in this context of forcing so many different personalities together tends to become a survival of the fittest type scenario and certain personalities will squash others when it comes to thi and know you're not unlikeable.

Sometimes I think doing can be more important than talking (therapy).
You sound really busy with work and a little one but I think through following interests (or just trying things you might enjoy even if they feel a bit scary) and maybe trying various groups with your little one, with a bit of trial and error you'll find where the people who just want to get along and aren't fans of drama hang out.
Slowly but surely things will change and you'll look back and wonder at what point it did but the worries you have now will seemingly just vanish as you settle in to yourself.

One of the things that might help is to stop analysing conversations. I used to do this and I've managed to let it go.
Understanding why you do it might be the first step.
Are you trying to read between the lines?
Do you feel you have to say the right things?
Are you looking to see how what you say lands?

If you can let things be at face value for a bit while taking the kindest interpretation (other people don't get their language quite right a lot of the time too) then this could help. I used to feel like I was watching myself be in the moment rather than being in the moment. Since I stopped analysing conversations I can just let myself be.

It helps being perimenopausal and having a crap memory to be honest but if I find myself analysing anything now. I stop. Sometimes I've got to redivert my attention a few times but I get there and it gets easier. instead I might tell myself how well I'm doing it find something I'm grateful for or and slowly that inner voice commands to a more beneficial one.

Think pebbles in a pond. When you change one little thing for the better, it creates little ripples elsewhere.