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Original poster

OLD - Fed up, is this the 'norm'?

61 replies

Hatingdating · 31/03/2023 19:07

Went on a date a couple of nights ago. Seemed to go ok but he wanted to leave about 10pm as he said he had an early start the following day, fair enough. We'd been in the pub a couple of hours. Date was alright, we're in a similar line of work so lots to talk about, spoke about family too, no awkward silences. He also complimented my appearance, all good. Both early 30s.

An hour after the date, I had a message via the app from him saying it was lovely to meet me and that he'd be up for doing it again if I was.

The next morning I replied, said it was nice to meet him too and that i'd check my rota when I got back to work to see when i'm free.

Since then, i've had nothing. Yet I know he has been on the app as his location has changed.

Feel a little rejected by the lack of response and no message at all yesterday.

I've had this before, where a man says after a date he enjoyed it and would like to meet again but it never gets to that second date. Is this the norm? Why do they do this? Suggest meeting again if they don't intend too?

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 31/03/2023 19:09

Have you messaged him again after you checked your rota? I would kind of expect the ball to be in your court.

Youdoyoubabe · 31/03/2023 19:09

You said you would check your rota. So check your rota and let him know when you are free.

If still no reply then probably leave it.

Amadeaa · 31/03/2023 19:10

I think it’s your turn to message once you checked your rota

Original poster
Hatingdating · 31/03/2023 19:12

He knows im not back at work until next week as im on annual leave, so it seems strange for the silence considering he knows this

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 31/03/2023 19:15

TheGoodEnoughWife · 31/03/2023 19:09

Have you messaged him again after you checked your rota? I would kind of expect the ball to be in your court.

This. Get back to him when you know when you'll be free. If he doesn't reply then, that's your answer.

DoTrollsShitInTheThreads · 31/03/2023 19:18

If he knows you're on annual leave, maybe he was hoping to meet before you go back to work?

Stonebridge · 31/03/2023 19:21

Yeah but he doesn't know you can't check your rota remotely. I think you need to keep chatting with him in the meantime or he will assume you're not interested. If you really like him I would ask someone in work to check your rota for you so you can get the next date arranged.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 31/03/2023 19:27

You made it sound like you’re not interested with that statement! OLD can be the pits but this one is on you

Amadeaa · 31/03/2023 19:33

Ok I see about the rota….but still, I think he might read this as you not being interested. If I asked a guy for a second date and he’d reply with ‘need to check my rota’ followed by radio silence, I wouldn’t message again, I’d assume he is not interested.

AcrobaticCardigan · 31/03/2023 19:35

Agree that the way you left it, it’s up to you to get back to him with a date. You’ve told him you’d check when you’re free & are now expecting him to chase you up to ask again. If I were him I’d think I was being given the brush off.

RaininSummer · 31/03/2023 19:36

I would be waiting for you to get back to me. So why not message and tell him you can't check til next week and if you wanted to meet this week then let him know. Poor bloke isn't psychic

alwaysmovingforwards · 31/03/2023 19:42

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 31/03/2023 19:27

You made it sound like you’re not interested with that statement! OLD can be the pits but this one is on you

Agreed

SophiaSW1 · 31/03/2023 19:43

If I was him I wouldn't be replying until you'd got back to him.

SophiaSW1 · 31/03/2023 19:44

He doesn't know whether or not you could check your rota anytime

carly2803 · 31/03/2023 19:45

this is on you! messge the poor bloke and ask him if he wants to go for a drink while your off?

if i got that message id assume id been "dumped".

i have used the "wll check my schedule" many times - and then never called!!

TeenLifeMum · 31/03/2023 19:52

Huh? You’ve literally left it implying you’ll get back to him then haven’t. Surely you know what you’re doing in the next 7 days? Even if you don’t, this is on you.

Farmageddon · 31/03/2023 19:56

It does sound a bit like you gave hime a polite brush off - he messaged fairly soon after the date and you waited until the morning to respond. And check my rota could be a version of 'I'll check my diary' which I would take to mean I'm not that interested.

Why is the onus on him to keep contacting you?

bluejelly · 31/03/2023 20:00

The ball is in your court

TedMullins · 31/03/2023 20:14

Yeah this is a you problem. “I’ll check my rota” sounds like a snub. If you’re on AL this week can’t you meet him again before going back to work? In any case you need to follow up with him, because he’s either waiting for an update on when you’re free or thinking he’s been brushed off.

Cheeseandlobster · 31/03/2023 20:23

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 31/03/2023 19:27

You made it sound like you’re not interested with that statement! OLD can be the pits but this one is on you

This. Its YOUR turn to message. What do you want from him?

Name99 · 31/03/2023 20:23

Yep you've messed this up not him.
You've told him you will let him know, what can he say to that?

Original poster
Hatingdating · 31/03/2023 20:44

I get what people are saying, but if I send another message, i'm now double texting. I guess i'd expect he might have asked about the plans i've had the last few days, as we discussed it on the date.

I just feel like he isn't showing interest. I agreed to meet again, said i'd check my rota when I got back to work. I think I expected a bit of chat would happen in between me being off and going back to work.

OP posts:
qqq82 · 31/03/2023 20:49

Maybe your gut feeling is right?
Or maybe not and you should send him a message now just in case he thinks you're not interested

You have nothing to lose

You don't have to see him again if your are right so just go for it and make sure

Name99 · 31/03/2023 20:49

Why can't you meet him until your back at work, are you going away?
Does he know this?

5128gap · 31/03/2023 21:01

In all honesty, it sounds a bit lacklustre on both parts. The date was 'ok', two hours was enough, neither of you are rushing to make plans. I think its fair to say neither of you were bowled over. Is it worth bothering about?