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Original poster

OLD - Fed up, is this the 'norm'?

61 replies

Hatingdating · 31/03/2023 19:07

Went on a date a couple of nights ago. Seemed to go ok but he wanted to leave about 10pm as he said he had an early start the following day, fair enough. We'd been in the pub a couple of hours. Date was alright, we're in a similar line of work so lots to talk about, spoke about family too, no awkward silences. He also complimented my appearance, all good. Both early 30s.

An hour after the date, I had a message via the app from him saying it was lovely to meet me and that he'd be up for doing it again if I was.

The next morning I replied, said it was nice to meet him too and that i'd check my rota when I got back to work to see when i'm free.

Since then, i've had nothing. Yet I know he has been on the app as his location has changed.

Feel a little rejected by the lack of response and no message at all yesterday.

I've had this before, where a man says after a date he enjoyed it and would like to meet again but it never gets to that second date. Is this the norm? Why do they do this? Suggest meeting again if they don't intend too?

OP posts:
Choconut · 31/03/2023 21:03

I'll check my rota in a weeks time to see if I can fit you in at some point.
Sounds like a brush off to me, I'm not surprised you haven't heard anything.

PousseyNotMoira · 31/03/2023 21:11

So:

  • He said he’d like to see you again, and your response was that you’d check your rota in a week and get back to him.
  • From what you’ve said, you didn’t ask him any questions or in any way try to get the conversation flowing.
  • You’re complaining that he isn’t showing interest?!

The issue here is you. This keeps happening because of you.

Noremorse · 31/03/2023 21:15

You’re right that you both could have carried on chatting so maybe he’s not that keen. If you’re interested, don’t worry about double texting, just send a text asking how he is or what he’s up to this weekend.

If he did change his mind after saying he would like to see you again, don’t take it too personally. I’ve done that many a time for no particular reason other than it didn’t feel right although the person was nice enough at the time.

usernamechanged1 · 31/03/2023 21:18

You’re overthinking it. Who cares about double texting. It’s not like you’re spamming him with 20 question marks because he’s not replied within the hour.

“Hey, how are things? Got anything planned for the weekend?”

Direct questions that need a reply. If he ignores, fine. Do it now! 😄

ArcticSkewer · 31/03/2023 21:21

PousseyNotMoira · 31/03/2023 21:11

So:

  • He said he’d like to see you again, and your response was that you’d check your rota in a week and get back to him.
  • From what you’ve said, you didn’t ask him any questions or in any way try to get the conversation flowing.
  • You’re complaining that he isn’t showing interest?!

The issue here is you. This keeps happening because of you.

100% this.

Natty13 · 31/03/2023 21:43

I didn't think anyone still cared about double texting in 2023.

I have lots of single and dating (in London) friends, male and female. Most of them say they are really fed up with continuous messaging. Dating is a numbers game and you need to keep putting yourself out there to find a decent match so messaging and having similar conversations, opening up to different people then having them let ot fizzle out is really not the done thing right now. There is a definite trend of skip the messaging and set a date to meet up.

whatchagonnado · 31/03/2023 21:49

You're over thinking it. Just text him back with a suggested date and time now that you've chef your rota. Some men are just not that chatty on WhatsApp

Spottycarousel · 31/03/2023 22:19

I agree with everyone else. It sounds very much like you're not interested rather than him. Your silence after telling him you'll check your rota gives the impression you're not really bothered. If I was the guy I'd be waiting for you to text again and feel disappointed.

If you like him what's the issue with sending another text to suggest meeting this week? Or following on a conversation from the date? The worst that can happen is he doesn't respond and then you just move on. Seems silly to say nothing just on the basis he might not like two texts!

tothelefttotheleft · 31/03/2023 22:52

@Hatingdating

If you like him then message him. Don't over think it.

RememberNancyDrew · 31/03/2023 23:17

It's- honest to goodness - ok to double text especially when you said you would get back to him.

OutDamnedSpot · 31/03/2023 23:21

I agree with everyone else. It’s you who has shut this down, not him.

The onus is now on you to contact him - either with your rota, or just a ‘hey, how are you?’

Callmenat · 31/03/2023 23:24

All sounds very 😑 no spark here 😕

Livinghappy · 31/03/2023 23:33

All sounds very 😑 no spark here 😕

I suspect this is it...no spark from either of you. If you were keen you would text and so would he.

Original poster
Hatingdating · 01/04/2023 22:21

Livinghappy · 31/03/2023 23:33

All sounds very 😑 no spark here 😕

I suspect this is it...no spark from either of you. If you were keen you would text and so would he.

This, I think.

I didn't double text and he hasn't reached out to me either. So I think it says it all.

OP posts:
RachelGreep87 · 01/04/2023 22:28

Hatingdating · 01/04/2023 22:21

This, I think.

I didn't double text and he hasn't reached out to me either. So I think it says it all.

Show quote history

No, it doesn't say it all.
You've just decided it has.

Opentooffers · 01/04/2023 22:32

An hour after the date when he texted, were you actually in the land of nod by then? Fair enough if you were, but why did you wait otherwise till the next day to reply? I'm reading between the lines here based on how you said it, that maybe you were not too impressed by him scuttling off by 10pm? You might be right, if it's going well, it's not a great sign on a first date (having been told by staff to leave on first date lol).
Sounds like it went OK, but did you hug, maybe kiss at the end? If not, there's no chemistry, so there's your answer.

Meltedcheeses · 01/04/2023 22:32

Ffs take some agency and stop giving a shit about double texting as if you were 14. Just try communicating like an adult. You said you were going to check your rota and get back to him. Then you didn't bother.

alwaysmovingforwards · 01/04/2023 22:33

I think it would be fair for him to think you'd brushed him off.

StrongerThanYouTh1nk · 01/04/2023 22:42

In his position I'd assume you are not interested.

gerbilcrocus · 02/04/2023 06:58

If he knows you're on leave this week, and you're saying you need to check your work schedule, then I'm not surprised he's treating this as a brush off. If you were into him, you'd surely look to meet up again this week when you're free! He's sensed that you seem lukewarm and wants someone who actually is prepared to be a bit more energetic in taking things forward.

This one is on you OP, but if this is your attitude, you're potentially going to be letting many possible good guys slip through your fingers simply because you're being lacklustre. Only a desperate person would continue to chase that... and you don't want that!

Tarantellah · 02/04/2023 07:09

Sorry but it sounds like you’ve given him the brush off. You said you’d get back to him and you haven’t. It’s quite reasonable of him to leave it and see if you follow through. If you want to chat then why don’t you send a conversational text?

2bazookas · 02/04/2023 07:20

?// He's waiting for you to check your rota , as you said.
When you've checked the rota you can suggest several days when you're free, and the two of you will pick one that suits.

Sillybollocks · 02/04/2023 07:23

Listen to what people are saying instead of leaning into this silly 'double text' stuff.

If you felt no spark that's fine but it's not him who has shut this down. Not saying he is beating down your door but just in terms of what was said, he asked you out again, you said 'I'll be in touch in a week-ish'. As others have said, that is quite a normal dating brush off, kicking it down the road then never replying. It's no surprise he has taken it as such. If someone had said that to me then not asked or said something to signal they wanted to.continue the chat then I would leave it in their court too, but assume they weren't bothered.

Double texting as in it looking desperate doesn't refer to reopening a convo that you have inadvertently closed off. If you want to see him again then suggest a date this week while you're off or ask him a question about his weekend etc.

If you're not bothered that's fine but this isn't a case of 'dating is shit', it's you having miscommunicated.

PollyIndia · 02/04/2023 11:02

I think if everyone is unanimously saying this one is on you, maybe consider they are right?
If you didn’t attempt to start conversation after you said you’d check the rota, why do you expect him to? And I get that you don’t chase someone who clearly isn’t interested, but all this no double texting and other dating ‘rules’ are just going to stop you ever meeting anyone.
you have to both put work into these things in my experience, you can’t expect it to all be him.

ThePredictableScript · 02/04/2023 12:55

Why not message saying "I can't check my rota until next week when I'm back in work but I'm free this Friday and Saturday if you fancy meeting up again?" Then you will get your answer.

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